KSK Mock Draft: TV Shows We’d Resurrect From The Dead
Unless you’ve spent the last several weeks inside of Rosie O’Donnell’s vagina, you realize that The Big Draft is tomorrow, which means that the last random selection post for us goes up today. And since we’ll have all day tomorrow to spout fanfare, we’ll just present our weekly offering and let you warm up for next week.
Each of the KSKers will be drafting a canceled TV show that will be brought back to the air. The obvious assumption is that all of the characters will be coming back to the show, though one will be allowed to make minor tweaks to the show (additional characters, change of setting, etc) if one feels it will make the show more interesting or more profitable.
The order:
Drew
Punte
Maj
Flub
Ape
Uff
UFF: New cast?
PUNTE: Minor tweaks. You can add or swap out a castmember, or two at the absolute most.
MAJ: Oh, and one rule i’d propose. you can’t bring back a show that ended on it’s own terms like Seinfeld or Cheers.
PUNTE: I like that. So it is written.
DREW: Well shit, that ruins my board. Most shows get canceled because they, you know, aren’t good anymore.
PUNTE: Let’s just ban Seinfeld and Cheers then. M*A*S*H* is still in play.
DREW: Can it be a show that ended due to the loss of a leading actor who I can then bring back from the dead?
MAJ: Of course you can bring back Sopranos, they’re making an f’n movie. Tony Soprano didn’t die. I was thinking that we were picking shows that were canceled to our chagrin, not shows that stayed on the air for years and years with huge ratings and had a scheduled ending.
PUNTE: Drew, I’ll allow that. Maj, you can pick under any rationale you choose.
DREW: The Sopranos thing was unrelated to my other request. Anyway, I’ll adhere to the spirit of the draft.
1. DREW: Arrested Development
I never watched it as often as I should have, but I always liked it.
1. The Sopranos
Fuck you, David Chase. You’re fired. And I’m bringing Nick Pileggi and Martin Scorsese to run the rest of the show, to show you how to fucking end a mob saga.
2. PUNTE: Three’s Company
Except in my version, Jack Ritter will be played my Mekhi Pfifer.
MAJ: You took out the awful actor who provided physical comedic relief with an awful actor who wears fake dreads. Why?
PUNTE: Because that’s a show I’d want to see. Plus he’d be fuckin’ bitches!
I should point out that the show would still be set in the early 1980s. The casual racism would just be icing on the watermelon.
MAJ: Okay, I’d watch that shit, too.
3. MAJ: Arrested Development
AD was the best sitcom to hit network television in years and I personally blame everybody who didn’t watch it for ruining exactly one hour out of my week (I say one hour because I watch it twice). I would change absolutely nothing about the show because it was perfect.
PUNTE: It was.
DREW: Oh shit. I juyst realized what I really should have taken #1.
4. FLUB: Freaks & Geeks
because I want a) to find out what happened to Lindsay after she ran off with those goddam dirty hippies; and b) more of Busy Philipp’s sweet, sweet rack.
APE: Goddammit.
FLUB: I wouldn’t have taken that if I had picked first.
5. APE: 5. The Critic.
A perfectly enjoyable early Simpsons rip-off. I’d can the dumb Southern girlfriend they brought in for the years when it switched from ABC to FOX. Just takes away from his father dressing up as El Kabong.
PUNTE: That pick stinks.
MAJ: Reading “el kabong” made me LOL; I want to know what’s going on in Easter Island Kid’s head.
UFF (two picks)
6. Mystery Science Theater 3000.
I’ll never understand why this was canceled. Fucking brilliant show, and I use it to justify my own talking over shitty movies. I’d keep the original guy (Joel) and shorten/eliminate the skits that tried to give the show a semblance of plot.
PUNTE: Great show, Matt. Didn’t mind the skits too much when they were short, like early on.
DREW: Joel, the pride of Hopkins, Minnesota! Loved that show.
UFF: I have no idea what I’m going to pick next. I don’t really long for any canceled shows. Gimme a few. I barely watched TV from 2000-2007, and from ‘96 to ‘00 I really only watched the Simpsons. I have to dig for something that I actually care about.
FLUB: Punte longs for escapist fare featuring a more urban life that the one he leads in South Carolina — so he picks “Petticoat Junction.”
PUNTE: I apologize for being a penis.
7. The State.
This show leaving MTV marked the last time MTV made a worthwhile show. Yes, I’m including The Ben Stiller Show. That fucking blew.
FLUB: “We could have stopped at $100 worth of pudding… And that would have been a lot of pudding… But we had to go all the way… $250 worth of pudding… Aw, yeah!” Great pick.
APE: Nice pick. I was considering that one. In a similar skit show vein…
8. Mr. Show.
On one hand, its continued existence keeps David Cross off Arrested Development. On the other, it keeps Jack Black relegated to a minor character that is actually funny in small doses.
PUNTE: I know you guys are gonna give me shit for this, but I really can’t stand David Cross.
DREW: I find Cross annoying sometimes as well. And yes, it’s because he gets preachy with the ol politics.
APE: I don’t really enjoy his stand-up. He’s a hilarious comedy actor though.
MAJ: Yeah, i love him in sketches and sitcoms. Oh, and I wanna dip my balls in it.
FLUB: “Man, who invited Louie… JUDAS???”
9. MAJ: The Larry Sanders Show.
This just in, I really like Jeffery Tambor.
PUNTE: Cross and Tambor are both well-represented in this draft.
DREW: Truly great show.
MAJ: A classic.
10. FLUB: It’s Your Move.
THE DREGS!!!
Arrested Development wasn’t the first Jason Bateman series to be axed before its time. On Move, Bateman was constantly battling wits with the guy who banging his mom (capably played by the actor who was Marcy’s first husband on Married With Children). After the show was canceled, the Grateful Dead shamelessly lifted the premise of the show’s Dregs of Humanity episode for their “Touch of Grey” video.
11. PUNTE: Who’s The Boss?
Except that in my revival, Mona would stop at nothing to bang the Tony Danza character, who would be played by Mehki Pfifer.
MAJ: Who’s the gay kid going to fuck?
DREW: (dos pickos)
12. Chappelle’s Show
Should have taken it #1.
UFF: Wow, I can’t believe we forgot about Chappelle.
FLUB: Didn’t Chappelle end his show on his own terms too?
MAJ: It didn’t really run its course, he just gave up on it.
DREW: I guess he did, but I don’t care.
13. Project Greenlight
Staying true to the intent of the draft. I want to take Fawlty Towers, but that ended on its own terms. I will never, EVER get tired of pretentious asshole contest winners realizing that no one gives a fuck about their stupid “vision.”
PUNTE: I actually enjoyed that show.
UFF: Fawlty Towers is on my board.
DREW: I didn’t mean to fuck that up for you.
UFF: It’s cool, I was just agreeing that it definitely needed more episodes.
DREW: The one I really should have taken #1 is Father Ted, which ended because the main guy died. Fucking awesome show.
UFF: I watched an episode of that with you. Pretty good stuff.
14. Quintuplets (the failed Andy Richter vehicle).
Except all of the quintuplets will be played by…Kate Bosworth.
What?
15. FLUB: Greg the Bunny.
The premise might not have enough legs to last much more than half a season anyway, but, dammit, it made me laugh.
16. MAJ: Sports Night.
Without the fucking laugh track. Oh, and Jeremy would score a threesome with Natalie and the porn star.
17. APE: SeaLab 2021.
It was a delightfully crass redubbing of an old cartoon, like space ghost, with the absurdist humor of ATHF. Also, the Bizarro episode is a classic.
18. UFF: The Tick (animated)
I didn’t really watch it all that much, and Venture Bros. is a perfectly acceptable substitute, but whatever, I had to pick something.
What did we miss?
Tags: blogosphere killed the video star, Fun With Mock Drafts
April 25th, 2008 at 11:24 am
Ducktails - America’s youth needs more cartoons promoting a money grubbing capitalist lifestyle.
April 25th, 2008 at 11:25 am
I always loved NewsRadio(with Phil Hartman) and the Upright Citizens Brigade.
April 25th, 2008 at 11:25 am
The Muppet Show- I’ve never met anybody who didn’t like it.
April 25th, 2008 at 11:27 am
Lucky Louie
Dirty as hell…like when he tells his wife that he made her orgasm because he was secretly grudge-fucking her. And that show was just starting to get good when HBO decided not to renew it. Jim Norton, Nick DiPaolo and Jerry Minor rounded out a fantastic supporting cast.
April 25th, 2008 at 11:28 am
Veronica Mars - But Logan needed to be killed off.
April 25th, 2008 at 11:28 am
Firefly.
Nathan Fillion is dreamy.
April 25th, 2008 at 11:28 am
Andy Richter Rules The Universe - No explanation needed.
April 25th, 2008 at 11:30 am
Deep Space Nine.
Fuck you all, Star Trek is awesome.
April 25th, 2008 at 11:31 am
Three words: Sifl and Olly
Thanks guys. This gives me at least a days worth of YouTube clips to kill this workday.
April 25th, 2008 at 11:32 am
All in the Family. It morphed into Archie Bunker’s Place after Edith quit the show, so I say that’s not ending on its own terms.
April 25th, 2008 at 11:32 am
Ape, Mr. Show is the steal of the draft. What a great supporting cast to go along with Cross and Odenkirk, with Paul F. Thompkins, Jay Johnston, John Innes, Tom Kinney, Jill Talley, etc…
3 Personal Favorite Mr. Show Sketchs
1. Vaunnie’s Mustardayonnaise commercial
2. The Monsters of Megaphone
3. Van Hammersly, Teaching by Billiards
I’ve heard Bob & David are working on another pilot for HBO. Hope it gets picked up.
April 25th, 2008 at 11:34 am
The NHL. Oh, it’s still on tv? Really? I didn’t know that.
Then I’ll pick Fastlane with Bill Bellamy, and Tiffani Amber Thiessen. Would make all of the subtle sex more upfront and raunchy - but other than that - it is high quality low brow tv!
April 25th, 2008 at 11:34 am
dick- that was on my honorable mentions
April 25th, 2008 at 11:34 am
Sledge Hammer
Best. Show. Ever.
April 25th, 2008 at 11:34 am
It’s Like, You Know
April 25th, 2008 at 11:34 am
I loved It’s your Move. Thanks for the memories. While the Dregs were great and will most likely be a fantasty football team name for me. How about the episode when Jason batemena and the mom’s bf went on the game show. anyone? anyone? I’ll quit while i’m beginsd since i’m starting to sound like one of those Chris Farley SNL sketches.
April 25th, 2008 at 11:35 am
Get A Life - Absolutely, and perversely hilarious.
April 25th, 2008 at 11:35 am
Oz- Prison rape? A soap opera for dudes? Count me in.
April 25th, 2008 at 11:36 am
TITUS!
April 25th, 2008 at 11:36 am
Damn, those are some nice picks. “It’s Your Move” was a classic, and “Greg the Bunny” too.
I guess “The Wire” went out on its own terms, but I’d revive “Homicide” around the fifth season or so, before they started getting rid of the ugly old cops. Bring back Jon Polito and Ned Fucking Beatty.
Oh, and “Futurama.” There’s a reason the “Simpsons” has sucked for the last few years. They moved all the funny to that show. Bring it back, dammit. The Hypnotoad commands you!
April 25th, 2008 at 11:36 am
Dude. UNDRESSED on MTV! I spent all of high school convinced that that’s what sex would actually be like — I’d be locked in a pantry with my crush, and a jar of like chocolate syrup or something would tip over on us…
April 25th, 2008 at 11:37 am
agree Flozell!
may I also add, Unhappily Ever After, Married With Children rip off with Bobcat Goldwaite as a talking Bunny puppet!
April 25th, 2008 at 11:37 am
Oh, “Get a Life.” Fuck and yes.
April 25th, 2008 at 11:38 am
Fuck, I can’t believe I forgot Titus.
April 25th, 2008 at 11:42 am
I guess I gotta go West Wing… though its questionable whether they ended on their own terms. Their ratings kinda sucked toward the end, so you could make the case that they wanted to keep going with Jimmy Smits’ presidency but were pushed out.
April 25th, 2008 at 11:43 am
The Adventures of Brisco County Jr.
Bruce Campbell as a smart-alecky cowboy…what was not to love?
April 25th, 2008 at 11:44 am
Men Behaving Badly
They had a Beer Budha for Christ’s sake. Plus, Rob Schnedier was actually funny.
April 25th, 2008 at 11:44 am
Lucky Louie- hell yes. That shit was hilarious.
I’ll take Unhappily ever after. Nikki Cox and a talking bunny? Can’t beat that.
April 25th, 2008 at 11:44 am
Dog Bites Man - “Sometimes I sit there and I do something silly and I think ‘That’s so Raven’. Because it’s silly, but other times I do things that are kind of lame and I say ‘That’s not so Raven’”
April 25th, 2008 at 11:45 am
Even though Freaks & Geeks was already resurrected, can I choose Undeclared?
April 25th, 2008 at 11:46 am
DarkWing Duck
@ otto, solid call with Homicide, that was first on my list till I saw you had taken it.
/ let’s get dangerous
April 25th, 2008 at 11:46 am
And for my opinion Ufford won the draft with his first two picks. I have consistantly named my fantasy teams after State skits for years. Including this years Fantasy Football Champion “Slowest Porcupines In Town”
April 25th, 2008 at 11:46 am
The Unit–Those fuckers could kick some serious ass!
April 25th, 2008 at 11:47 am
Drew- brilliant pick with Chappelle’s Show.
I take Firefly. I like Joss Whedon, what can I say?
April 25th, 2008 at 11:47 am
Futurama-If I have to explain then you can die.
Married With Children-Helped me become who I am today.
Whoops…Had like three episodes, but how can being saved by a VW in a nuclear holocaust not be funny?
God, I miss sealab 2021
April 25th, 2008 at 11:47 am
Deadwood.
April 25th, 2008 at 11:48 am
@ John John
I could never explain my desire to cram the hell out of that chick in Dog Bites Man.
April 25th, 2008 at 11:48 am
Herman’s head…I have a lot of Animal in me.
April 25th, 2008 at 11:48 am
By the way, jeers to the KSK crew for posting an unfunny “State” clip. There are a kadjillion other skits that would have blown the doors of this mother:
1) Balogna-Sandwich Feet Boy.
2) Anything with Doug.
3) The “off-limits” one where the guy breaks out of prison by going on the other side of the cones.
I could go on and on…
April 25th, 2008 at 11:48 am
@Snowflake: Firefly was already taken
April 25th, 2008 at 11:48 am
“Flying Blind” -
Tea Leoni early in her career? Fuck.
//narrowly edging the Steven A Smith show.
April 25th, 2008 at 11:48 am
‘Parker Lewis Cant Lose’
’nuff said
April 25th, 2008 at 11:48 am
you know, Quite Frankly.
April 25th, 2008 at 11:49 am
The Twilight Zone- I would go big-budget with the revival and bring in guest directors/stars. M. Night Shymalan can ruin the fuck out of a two-hour movie, but imagine what somebody like him could do with a 30 minute limit.
April 25th, 2008 at 11:50 am
Playmakers.
Combining the awesomely bad primetime soaps I shamefully love w/ pro football? Fuck and yes.
Did DH get clean?
Guerwicz finally accept who he is and start wearing assless chaps?
Everyone realize Leon’s wife totally brought that shit on herself?
So many questions left unanswered…
April 25th, 2008 at 11:50 am
@ TDub
Purple soda Carl!
April 25th, 2008 at 11:51 am
Rome. WTF? Hundreds of years of potential epic stories and you give us two fucking seasons HBO? Fuck you.
Great pick on Fastlane, Tiffani Amber and Jamie Pressley making out in a hot tub? Television GOLD.
April 25th, 2008 at 11:51 am
Well, crap. Stupid reading comprehension… I take the Greatest American Hero.
Believe it or not.
April 25th, 2008 at 11:51 am
Playmakers - Fuck you NFL for taking away the most entertaining, yet highly overdramatized football show out there.
April 25th, 2008 at 11:51 am
News Radio
with Hartman
April 25th, 2008 at 11:53 am
@ Dr. Funke: Awwwww Poor little Carl, with his puppy dog eyes, we wouldn’t want him to DO HIS JOB!!!
April 25th, 2008 at 11:53 am
+1 Maj- would Phil be a zombie? Cause that’d be funny, too.
April 25th, 2008 at 11:54 am
Maj: already taken
April 25th, 2008 at 11:54 am
Hill Street Blues - Thursday nights in college was don’t bother me until it’s over and I’ll see you at the bar after the show. By then, the chicks had a few beers in them and that much more friendly (ok, easier).
/remembering the days when I was happy and young….
// going back to being chained to my desk at work
April 25th, 2008 at 11:54 am
Nuts didn’t see it was taken already, ok, then i’ll go with Clone High. How come MTV cartoons only have a shelf life of like 1 season while crap like NeXt seem to go on forever….
April 25th, 2008 at 11:54 am
Shit…I just noticed that tman picked Upright Citizens Brigade…even though it was done illegally.
The sheet with the hole in it that you could do anything through…Thunderball’s gun circle..the poo stick…damn i wanted that pick.
I’ll take Viva Variety.
It wasn’t quite as good as the State, but Michael Ian Black as Johnny Blue Jeans is one of my favorite all time characters.
Mr Laupin - Johnny…Where are your pants?!?!?!?
Johnny - How the hell am I supposed to know?
April 25th, 2008 at 11:55 am
I’m with Busey. Although it would bring back the nightmares, great show.
April 25th, 2008 at 11:55 am
No one, really? Miami Vice.
April 25th, 2008 at 11:56 am
Alias - I need more slutty badass spies in my life
April 25th, 2008 at 11:56 am
Sports Night, Chappelle’s Show, and Veronica Mars are all taken, so I’ll pick My So-Called Life, with the stipulation that Brian Krakow wins out in the end. Maybe if Jordan Catalano didn’t bonejob Rayanne in his stupid red car, I would think differently, but I don’t.
April 25th, 2008 at 11:56 am
“Boomtown.” A well-written, Rashomon-style cop show.
April 25th, 2008 at 11:56 am
MTV’s Undressed. Gratuitous bra and panty shots, do you need anything else for cable TV?
April 25th, 2008 at 11:56 am
Tenacious D
April 25th, 2008 at 11:57 am
The. A. Team.
Now with bullets that actually fucking hit something once in a while.
April 25th, 2008 at 11:57 am
Glad to see the Upright Citizens Brigade support here.
For the record, those pennies in your pocket have been up my ass.
April 25th, 2008 at 11:57 am
Undergrads!
April 25th, 2008 at 11:57 am
i cant believe two people said ‘get a life,’ so proud of you, absolutely hilarious show. david mirkin is one of the funniest men on earth, coupled with chris elliott, thats comedy gold right there.
cant go wrong with futurama, fox really fucked that show by putting it in the seven time slot. king of the hill has never been funny and it got such preferential treatment, i cant believe greg daniels got preference over matt groening on that one.
and i dont know if breaking bad is coming back, i know it got cut short because of the strike, but if its dead, it should be revived
April 25th, 2008 at 11:58 am
NYPD Blue
/score!
April 25th, 2008 at 11:58 am
While there is talk of it coming back for a 3rd season in some bizarre DirectTV Deal, my next pick is Friday Night Lights.
Hot, hot 20-somethings playing high schoolers? Check.
Football? Check.
Kyle Chandler? Check.
And, yes Snowflake, Firefly was my first pick. But there are other Joss options out there for you.
April 25th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
Angel, then, although Firefly was the superior show. Buffy ended on its own terms.
April 25th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
Ren and Stimpy.
The first few seasons of that show….with original creator John Kricfalusi was one of the best cartoons ever. It would come back with him on board.
April 25th, 2008 at 12:01 pm
Saved by the Bell with a twist:
each character has to individually deal with the REAL LIFE issues that have confronted their respective actor. So one episode will be dedicated to Jesse dealing with the fact that everyone on earth has seen her tits. Zach will have to spend an episode learning how to deal with the fact that he has become an irrelevant actor. Screech will have to try to play down the sex tape to the Bayside community. Etc….
April 25th, 2008 at 12:01 pm
I’d watch that, TDub.
April 25th, 2008 at 12:01 pm
@ futuremrs - Undressed was a great waste of an afternoon
@ Bless the Dance Team - Futurama and Married with Children. Well done.
/starts slow clap for brilliant mock draft
April 25th, 2008 at 12:02 pm
Baywatch - no explanation necessary. Can’t believe no one has chosen it yet.
April 25th, 2008 at 12:02 pm
With Firefly already off the board, I’ve got nothing. I’ll trade my pick for a beer.
April 25th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
Chicago Sons. only lasted 6 episodes or so. you get Bateman and that guy who always shows up somewhere in any Apatow vehicle. Plus, they lived right near Wrigley and could watch games from their roof.
April 25th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
speaking of mtv shows, how about ‘fear’? may be alone on this one but i loved that shit in high school, just strap cameras to a bunch of jackasses and send them into haunted places. ghosts being real or not (see: karl malone’s thesis) an abandoned hospital or prison is pretty goddamn creepy, loved watching that show
April 25th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
“Grounded for Life” was pretty fucking funny. Donal Logue, we hardly knew ye.
April 25th, 2008 at 12:04 pm
Oh, and “The Nine.” They sucked me into an intricate bank-heist plot, and then yoink!
I guess they had to make room for the third night of “Deal or No Deal.”
April 25th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
I really enjoyed Ed before Tom Cavanagh got on my nerves
April 25th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
otto: grounded for life is syndicated on abc family if you need a fix
April 25th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
And here’s the pick of the draft: “Police Squad.”
Later diminished by the dwindling returns of the “Naked Gun” movies, the original six episodes were fucking brilliant.
April 25th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
Too Close for Comfort.
But Jim J Bullock would have to be a meth addicted promiscuous homosexual, rather than just a homosexual.
And Ted Knight would have to drop one line from Caddyshack every episode.
April 25th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
The Incredible Hulk
April 25th, 2008 at 12:08 pm
For my second pick, I will select Keen Eddie, yet another great show canceled prematurely by the dipshits at Fox (although it was briefly revived on Bravo). It was funny, but I’m sure guys would have watched it more for the gratuitous British violence and Sienna Miller. Either way, awesome show.
April 25th, 2008 at 12:08 pm
Street Justice. Because Carl Weathers is bad-ass.
April 25th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
Gilligan’s Island - Except I’d make Ginger & Mary Ann into whores; the Howell’s into drug kingpins (that’s why they have so much money); The Professor creates a meth lab on the island and the Skipper & Gilligan are really gun running pirates. I’d have them find all kinds of shit on the island; other people; buried money; have explosions, fires, people dying, etc.
/wait? This is already remade and called Lost? Must have missed that.
April 25th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
Is Gilmore Girls still on the board?
STEAL!!!!
April 25th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
Kids in the Hall.
April 25th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
Came here to say Rome.
April 25th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
Reunion, for similar reasons as why Otto Man took The Nine (and I agree). When intricate plotline serials get pulled, give us some fucking answers on the way out.
April 25th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
Full House
April 25th, 2008 at 12:14 pm
The Joe Schmo Show by virtue of my draft board being cleared already. (Taking My So-Called Life is proof positive you grew up in Western Canada during the 80s)
April 25th, 2008 at 12:14 pm
Dead Like Me
This is the first good show Showtime produced…the other being Weeds. It had a very interesting concept and they even made the main character kill a little girl in the first episode. +1 for child murder! It started to tail off, but was totally worthy of keeping around.
April 25th, 2008 at 12:14 pm
Night Stand with Dick Dietrick.
April 25th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
Beast Wars!
There were still plenty of animals that we sadly never got to see turn into robots and then fight.
April 25th, 2008 at 12:19 pm
secret life of alex mack?
April 25th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
TV Funhouse. That shit may have been stupid, but it made me laugh my ass off. If finding cross-species puppet fucking funny is wrong, I don’t want to be right.
I heartily second the recommendations of Deadwood (Wu! Swedgen!), Andy Richter Controls the Universe, and especially Lucky Louie. Every sick, twisted parent had to love the episode with the “Lick my pussy and my crack” song. I almost stopped breathing during that one.
I would also bring back “Father Knows Shit” from blog limbo.
April 25th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
@sera: How so? I grew up in the DC suburbs in the ’90s - I had just turned 13 when it got the axe.
3rd Pick: Daria
April 25th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
Seriously, no one chose Twin Peaks? Yeah after Laura’s murderer was found it kinda sucked, but I would change the show to Madchen Amick, Sherilyn Fenn, Sheryl Lee, Peggy Lipton, Heather Graham and Lara Flynn Boyle /w the rest of the girls from One Eyed Jacks and occasional guest stars as the only cast. And they would only be allowed to wear the outfits that the lovelies of One Eyed Jacks wear. Obviously, the name of the show would stay as Twin Peaks, but not for its setting in the little north western town.
April 25th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
The NBA on NBC. The pinnacle of sports broadcasting. Tripleheaders almost every week, games on Saturday. Marv Albert and Ahmad Rashad. Plus, the absolute lack of idiotic ESPN/Disney cross-promotion. Also, John Tesh’s Roundball Rock is the greatest theme song for a sporting event, Monday Night Football can suck it’s dick.
April 25th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
@Pemulis: Well played, sir. A worthy replacement for Clarissa Explains It All.
April 25th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
Sanford & Son.
Suck on that.
April 25th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
The Secret Diary of Desmond Pfeffer. Maybe only for double its actual length of existence (i.e., four more episodes), but seriously, Chi McBride as fey but horny Abraham Lincoln’s butler? Needs to be brought back only so more of the world remembers it existed.
April 25th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
Um, you might have left out a little something I like to call Kids in the Hall???!!!??!?!?!? How could you not include the funniest sketch comedy show of all time? For that matter, where was In Living Color? Strangers With Candy, maybe?
Greg the Bunny, please. Get off Seth Green’s jock.
April 25th, 2008 at 12:26 pm
Additionally, we never got to Lincoln’s assassination in TSDofDPfeffer. Can you imagine a more special “very special episode” for a sitcom?
April 25th, 2008 at 12:26 pm
Fantasy Island.
I have no idea how the show actually ended, but I have such fond memories of the show from my youth. The resurrection would have to involve Ricardo Montalban and (a living) Tattoo circa the late 70s & the Island would keep them from aging.
April 25th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
I want to bring back TNBC. Such classic 1998 teen comedies like Hang Time (where Dick Butkus was a basketball coach and Anthony Anderson was on the team), Saved by the Bell (The New Class!!!!), One World.
April 25th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
The Highwayman
Summed up as a cross between Mad Max and Knight Rider. This show was apocalyptic as hell, starred Sam “Flash Gordon” Jones, Jocko from the Energizer commercials, and 80s hotness Claudia Christian. It also starred a giant semi truck that turned into a helicopter. The only reason NBC pulled the show was because it was too expensive. Bullshit excuse…that show was awesome.
April 25th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
@Smello: MILF Island
April 25th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
Beavis and Butthead
April 25th, 2008 at 12:29 pm
‘Hunter’
Fred Dryer going commando, how could you not watch?
April 25th, 2008 at 12:29 pm
And the Howard Stern show Son of a Beach. Those chicks were fucking hot.
April 25th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
Carnivale - GODDAMMIT HBO HOW DARE YOU END A FUCKING SERIES LIKE THAT!!!!!
April 25th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
KITH ended on its own terms, I believe. It was the second best show ever (after Arrested Development).
April 25th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
I’m going w/ Jericho. Great premise, good writing and pretty good acting.
Another season would have meant a modern day civil war, which would have been awesome.
April 25th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
I say the Young Ones…..give me some love…..
April 25th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
Sleeper pick: Sherman Oaks. Showtime softcore porn comedy that was straight-up goddamn clutch for a 12-year-old, and I’m pretty sure there was a joke in there somewhere about a dude whose surgically enhanced cock looked like a Chunky. Plus, there was variety … a cougar mom, a teen blonde daughter, a Hispanic maid, and others. What I’d change? Not a thing.
April 25th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
John John the Bastard you stole my pick, ya bastard!
April 25th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
The Munsters - Just Because
April 25th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
LOST.
Maybe a fresh start will inspire the writers to not jerk us around for a season and a half by making up shit as they go along.
April 25th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
Press Your Luck.
Same cheesy 80s set. Same crappy Peter Tomarken hairdo (R.I.P). Game shows rule.
April 25th, 2008 at 12:44 pm
What about the Dana Carvey Show. Only got 6 episodes in 1996, and the whole thing started out with Carvey as Bill Clinton allowing actual puppies and kittens suckle milk from his multiple prosthetic nipples.
Future stars Steve Carell, Stephen Colbert, Robert Smigel, Louis C.K. and Chappelle all contributed. Some of the skits were:
First appearance of “The Ambiguously Gay Duo”
Discovery Channel After Dark
Skinheads From Maine
Germans Who Say Nice Things
Grandma The Clown
This show was before it’s time and was one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen to this day.
April 25th, 2008 at 12:45 pm
And with the late round steal….
‘Manimal’ he was part man Part Animal!
but really, ‘Homicide: Life on the Street’. Andre Braugher, people, Andre Braugher.
April 25th, 2008 at 12:47 pm
Since Titus and Newsradio have been taken,
I submit “Dark Angel” — when Jessica Alba was at her hottest.
and the only thing I’d change is that Cameron would direct every episode and money would not be an issue (as money was the very reason the show was cancelled to begin with).
April 25th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
I pity the fools who forgot The A-Team.
April 25th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
Dark Angel. Alba before she became a fucking idiot or at least before she was allowed to speak to the media. Kick ass hot chick.
April 25th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
Fuck grungedave. good timing
April 25th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
Brian, great call. Forgot about that show.
NYPD Blue and The West Wing being already taken, I’ll go with another Sorkin offering, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. Yes, I’m one of the five people who watched and liked it.
April 25th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
I’m going pretty far off the board here and taking the Speilberg-produced:
EARTH 2
I remember watching this religiously and not just because Rebecca Gayheart is hot.
April 25th, 2008 at 12:54 pm
I came into this a little late. Good thing I like completely random TV. Pick 1 =
Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip.
Anything Sorkin should never be cancelled just because the typical American masses are too dumb to like it.
April 25th, 2008 at 12:55 pm
There have only been eight picks since my first, but there have also been two invalid choices, so I’m calling it 10.
Two words: Pro Stars.
Change NOTHING. The theme song stays the same (”Wayne’s hot / Slap shot / Bo knows / where to go”), the players stay the same (Bo Jackson needs to be part of a child’s life), the awkward live-action interstitials stay the same.
April 25th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
Buzzkill: Some of the shit on there was dumb as hell but the funny shit was funny enough to make up for it.
April 25th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
Crime Story with Denis Farina.
Homicide was the g.o.a.t. but Crime Story wasn’t too bad.
April 25th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
two words . . . Nash Bridges.
April 25th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
How about HBO’s 1st and 10 with Delta Burke as the Georgia Frontiere character and the Juice himself as a coach?
April 25th, 2008 at 1:02 pm
No NewsRadio?! Not only was it a work of art, but think of all the other funny stuff Phil Hartman can do when you bring him back from the dead.
April 25th, 2008 at 1:02 pm
The O.C.
BILSON BILSON BILSON
Did I mention Rachel Bilson.
April 25th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
Win Ben Stein’s money was the best trivia game show there is … and Jimmy Kimmel was the original smart ass sidekick.
That show was actually entertaining to watch unlike the dribble coming from that pretentious Canadian asshole Trebek.
April 25th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
Mr. Ed, but with Sarah Jessica Parker in the title role.
Just kidding. But seriously, I am gonna go old school and pick a steal — The Honeymooners. But we definitely have to keep the mean-spirited insults and 1950s political incorrectness in the show. One of these days…
April 25th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
bring back the man show from the years when the fox was on it. he can be a zombie in this version and i’m pretty sure nobody could tell the difference.
April 25th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
Is samuri jack on the board?
April 25th, 2008 at 1:04 pm
I should say “there ever was…” I’m mixing my present and past tenses, negative 100 points.
April 25th, 2008 at 1:06 pm
X-Files - Steal of the draft - Gillian Anderson is just to hot to pass up
April 25th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
Hello Larry’s still available, right?
I think I’ll pass on that and pick Hogan’s Heroes. But instead of searching for a way to escape, they’re looking for Bob Crane’s head.
April 25th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
Smurphette: The 80’s bit was a typo - meant to be 90’s. As to the rest, local cable providers in Western Canada ran it after Degrassi every day after school for 5 straight years
April 25th, 2008 at 1:13 pm
Slothrop- I thought they’d be looking for his lost stash of porn…
April 25th, 2008 at 1:14 pm
Since the Muppet show was taken early (and rightfully so) I’ll add Fraggle Rock. If only because it opened my eyes as a child to the wonderful world of HBO…which was a perfect lead in to Dream On.
Yep…I too, was raised in front of the TV set.
April 25th, 2008 at 1:14 pm
Absolutely Fabulous- What Sex in the City wishes it was.
April 25th, 2008 at 1:16 pm
The Gary Shandling Show
Killer theme song
April 25th, 2008 at 1:17 pm
The 100 Lives of Blackjack Savage. Only with Mekhi Pfifer as Blackjack Savage.
April 25th, 2008 at 1:18 pm
FOX had a show on a few years ago called “The Street.”
It was set on Wall Street and had a cast of late 20’s/early 30’s traders drinking, drugging, and having sex with each other.
One episode Jennifer Connolly took a pill designed to make woman have orgasms, and she had an orgasm in an elevator.
Now THAT is a t.v. show.
April 25th, 2008 at 1:19 pm
Here’s a link to the only article I could find about it.
http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1318/is_10_54/ai_65368855
April 25th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
Clerks animated.
Just 8 episodes and since then every joke in there has been stolen by the Simpsons and Family Guy.
April 25th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
Strangers with Candy
April 25th, 2008 at 1:33 pm
The Gary Shandling Show
Killer theme song
Great. Good luck getting that out of my head.
April 25th, 2008 at 1:33 pm
Deadwood would be great to see come back.
April 25th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
Special Forces: Manhunt. not sure if anybody caught this exteremely short-lived documentary series on the military channel, but this show was fucking ridiculous. think man vs. wild… vs. a special ops team. badass.
April 25th, 2008 at 1:35 pm
Almost Live!…
Bill Nye as “Speedwalker”?
“Condom brand or CFL team?”
Seattle must be really depressing.
April 25th, 2008 at 1:45 pm
the richard pryor show
April 25th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
pick #2?
That 70’s Show
the rule change? The kids aren’t allowed to get any older or leave the show to pursue movie careers.
April 25th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
Enterprise (Star Trek)
The least geeky and therefore least respected Trek series by “Trekkies,” but it had better writing and acting than any of them. Also, T’Pol/Jolene Blalock is a hotter version of Angelina Jolie.
April 25th, 2008 at 1:47 pm
Electric Company. Why? Because Morgan Freeman as Easy Reader was the bomb and I liked the feeling of being high on LSD as a child.
Top to bottom and left to right, readin’ stuff is outta sight. That never gets old.
April 25th, 2008 at 1:58 pm
Wonderfalls (since Firefly and were taken).
April 25th, 2008 at 1:58 pm
Battle of the Network Stars. ftw.
April 25th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
Growing Pains
Only Kirk Cameron is not allowed to become all Jesus freaky like at the end, and Mike Seaver will remain full on Ferris Bueller-like and badass till the bitter end. Also, more inappropriate jokes revolving around Mike’s best friend Boner.
April 25th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
Here’s my approximate board:
NewsRadio, Keen Eddie, Wonderfalls, Arrested Development, and Flying Blind. Homicide if we go back to the first-season cast. Late round steals: Brisco County and the ludicrous Jack of All Trades, because who doesn’t need more Bruce Campbell?
April 25th, 2008 at 2:06 pm
1. Black Donnely’s - Don’t go back and watch it, there are only like eight episodes and you’ll be pissed it stops.
2. The Loop - Hilarious.
3. Rome - Cancelled because it cost way too much to make, but fucking awesome show.
4. McGyver
5. Knight Rider
If you think the last two shows sucked, go fuck yourself.
April 25th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
Dale - As long as we’re clear that the abomination that was the new Knight Rider 2008 never, EVER again sees the light of day - then I approve wholeheartedly of numbers 4 & 5 on your list.
April 25th, 2008 at 2:17 pm
Perfect Strangers
April 25th, 2008 at 2:18 pm
The Adventures of Pete & Pete
April 25th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
I can’t believe nobody has taken SOAP. The funniest show ever on TV and it ended with like 37 different unresolved plot lines. I want to know what happened to Jessica dammit!
April 25th, 2008 at 2:29 pm
denvergodfather: I can’t believe anyone else remembers It’s Garry Shandling’s Show. I think I just had a seizure from the flashback.
I pick Dallas with the original cast. And Charlene Tilton has to play her role topless.
April 25th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
monty pythons flying circus
April 25th, 2008 at 2:32 pm
UFF!!!
Venture Brothers is coming back with new episodes in like 2 months…
Look for it sometime in June!
April 25th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
Cupid - Probably nowhere near my top 20 choices, but everything else is gone.
April 25th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
Jack of All Trades.
Bruce Campbell can make any pun, no matter how bad, and still be awesome.
Also Andromeda, except with th