Travis Henry Visits H & R Block
H & R BLOCK Office, Buffalo, NY.
[phone rings]
Sherman Lee, CPA: This is Sherman…Hey…yeah, work’s going great so far, coffee’s good today…Okay…Okay…Oh, I got something for you today! I won an auction on eBay for a jersey for you! It’s a Thomas Thurman jersey!…Well, golly, what are you so upset about?…I thought Thomas Thurman was a really good player. You know I don’t watch sports…Okay, I have to go, someone just walked up…Love you too.
[looks up] Can I help you?
Travis Henry: Fuckin’ taxes, man. Do my taxes.
Sherman Lee, CPA: Sure, I’d be happy to help you with that. Have a seat.
I don’t see…I don’t see you holding any paperwork.
Travis Henry: It’s in my pocket. [Plays with stapler on desk. Pulls wadded up paper out of pocket]
Sherman Lee, CPA: Okay, let’s just see what you earned last year…Oh my goodness. You had Southern Cal in the Elite Eight?!?
Travis Henry: Shit, wrong pocket. [Pulls out another piece of paper.] Fuck Southern Cal.
Sherman Lee, CPA: Sorry, we all filled out brackets this year. Actually, my wife filled out mine. She watches lots of sports.
Travis Henry: Well what do you watch?
Sherman Lee, CPA: I read books.
Travis Henry: Fuck books.
Sherman Lee, CPA: Mr…Henry…I see you made…eight million dollars last year. I’m afraid that’s not good news for your tax bill.
Travis Henry: Fuck taxes.
Sherman Lee, CPA: Well, hold on, sir, let’s see if there are any deductions. [Looks at desk] Hey, where’d this other stapler come from?
Travis Henry: I dunno.
Sherman Lee, CPA: Oh well, never mind. Any dependents?
Travis Henry: [twiddles pen between fingers] Any what?
Sherman Lee, CPA: Sir, do you have any children?
Travis Henry: Nine.
Sherman Lee, CPA: None? We’ll I’ll just put a zero here and–
Travis Henry: No. Nine.
Sherman Lee, CPA: Nine?! Holy shit. Alrighty…nine…children…
Shirley Drabb, CPA: Sherman, you took my other chair!
Sherman Lee, CPA: I did not!
Shirley Drabb, CPA: Yes you did! You have an extra chair right here!
Sherman Lee, CPA: No, your chair is over by your desk [points] right there.
Shirley Drabb, CPA: Oh…well…where did this chair come from?
Travis Henry: I dunno.
Shirley Drabb, CPA: Well, I’m sorry, then. I apologize. [Shakes hands with Travis]
Travis Henry: S’all good.
Sherman Lee, CPA: Well, Mr. Henry, looks like you owe 5,000 for federal, but you’re getting back 6,000 from the state.
Travis Henry: That’s tight. What do I owe you?
Sherman Lee, CPA: If you let me keep the chair and the stapler, we’ll call it even. You’re all set.
Travis Henry: Fuck you goodbye. [Travis leaves]
Sherman Lee, CPA: [cell phone rings] This is Sherman…Yes, honey, I’m going over at lunch…I’m gonna check on Shirley before I go…It sounds like she’s got a little morning sickness. I wonder if there’s something going around…
April 15th, 2008 at 4:57 pm
Looks like I’m…
…
…
GAY!!!!
Can’t see how no one else saw this post - maybe it’s because clicking the banner takes you back to the Herschel Walker post.
April 15th, 2008 at 4:59 pm
I would totally hit that nerd chick.
April 15th, 2008 at 5:02 pm
Sherman better not touch his wife for 72 hours after coming in contact with Mr. Henry.
April 15th, 2008 at 5:16 pm
Giggling my ass off at this post. Truly subtle and magnificent!
April 15th, 2008 at 5:24 pm
Would have made a sweet X-Files episode.
April 15th, 2008 at 5:45 pm
Jackin’4: I just edited your comment.
C’mon, dude. You’ve been here long enough. You know that’s a no-no.
April 15th, 2008 at 6:12 pm
God bless you, MMP. I’ve stopped reading blogs for that.
And Jackin’ becomes the first casualty of the new site’s no-self-deletion policy.
April 15th, 2008 at 6:36 pm
Just did my taxes today do.
Fuck taxes.
And I always knew Henry was a dumbass. USC in the Elite Eight…
April 15th, 2008 at 6:37 pm
Errr … that’s supposed to say “Just did my taxes today, too.”
Guess I’m the dumbass.
April 15th, 2008 at 6:50 pm
I’ll bet that nerdy chick gives great helmet.
April 15th, 2008 at 6:57 pm
Fuck you goodbye, indeed!
April 15th, 2008 at 8:54 pm
@Punte
I know that is a no-no. I actually did that on purpose since when I came to the site, the Herschel post was at the top even though the RSS feed showed at least another 2 newer posts. Anyway, no excuses, lesson learned…
Just fix this friggin’ site already.
/now start telling dick jokes making fun of massholes.
//18-1
April 15th, 2008 at 10:34 pm
The RSS feed thing is another issue.
One of the things about this host that’s really tits is that we can set posts to self-publish on a timer. That’s a capability we didn’t have on The Other Web Hosting Platform That Shall Remain Nameless.
Anyway, Maj and I switched slots at the last minute, and my post went up anyway. I took it down, but obv. the RSS feed wasn’t recalled, not that I’m sure it ever could be.
It’s not uncommon for us to publish a post and then fix images, grammatical errors, etc., but we’re becoming more aware that the RSS is sending everything out as soon as we put it up. We’re still making the adjustment.
In closing, go fuck your mother with a frozen washcloth.
PUNTE
April 16th, 2008 at 9:51 am
Now, now Punte…temper, temper.
Are you not getting enough hits on House O Sausages?