I Know You Did No Dlaft Tarr Leceivel!
I am knowing you no dlaft tarr leceivel because I terr you foll month and month no dlaft tarr leceivel.
Why no risten?
WHY NO RISTEN?
You see I no furr of smirre light now.
Ben Roethlisberger: O HAI HINES. WOT R WE CONVERSATIN’ ABOUT?
Hines: You, Rongrastname! You terr coach Tomrin foll month and month you want tarr leceivel. What long with Hines? You think that make smirre? Fine! I am making smirre foll you!
[Face strains from forced smile]
Roethlisberger: HARF HARF HARF. YA GOTSTA CHILL, HINES. I’M HAVING THIS GRAND THEFT AUTO IV PARTY TOMORROW. JAMES FARRIOR, JEFF REED AND CARSON DALY GONNA COME THROUGH. WE GONNA MERC SOME BUSTAS AND BUST SOME SLUTS, YOU KNOW?
Hines: Nerr! I spend time make pelfect new design for make Hines tarr. I show foll you!
You am seeing? You now folget youl Rimas Sweed. Hines Wald is tarr leceivel! Pelfect design even same corol as unifolm pant! No one can see!
Tags: hines wald is stirr me favolite steerel, pittsburgh steelers, rittle bit lacist, xmas ape
April 28th, 2008 at 2:07 pm
Don’t wolly Hines. They signed 5′9″ Dorien Bryant so they stirr rike rittle lecievels.
April 28th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
Rongrastname
Brilliant. Simply, brilliant.
April 28th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
This is just like when Hines didn’t get cast as Fallout Boy.
April 28th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
On that note:
I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange, so I went to the currency exchange window at the local bank.
Short line.
Just one lady in front of me . .. an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars and she was a little irritated . . .
She asked the teller, ‘Why it change?? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I get hunat eighty?? Why it change?’
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, ‘Fluctuations’ .
The Asian lady says, ‘Fluc you white people, too’.
/I’ll show myself out now.
April 28th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
@ devang
there are no words to describe how funny picturing that scene in my head is.
April 28th, 2008 at 2:39 pm
@Otto Man
Ratch out, Ladioactive Man!
April 28th, 2008 at 2:47 pm
“Rimas Sweed” is my new favorite Steerraah.
April 28th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
What happened to black Hines? I thought he was bustin out.
April 28th, 2008 at 2:56 pm
@ devang – Thanks for making me walk out of by cube so people don’t hear me falling to the ground laughing – I too can only imagine the conversation – damn funny
April 28th, 2008 at 3:00 pm
Black Hines is having his own insecurity problems with Santonio Holmes.
April 28th, 2008 at 3:14 pm
Ben hangs out with Mario (A.C. Slater) Lopez… true story… Saw them in the VIP section of Bar Louie together last summer drinking Jaeger and Champagne (heave).
I was definately just looked at wierdly by my coworkers as I was trying to read Hines’ words out loud, they thought I was possessed by Jackie Chan. I then shouted out “Don’t mock me round’eye”. I am typing this from H.R.
April 28th, 2008 at 3:20 pm
I am typing this from H.R.
Good, it should make learning about your severance pay a little easier.
April 28th, 2008 at 3:34 pm
@devang:
That was awful…ly fuckin’ hilarious. So happy no one can hear me laughing from my basement office.
/where my led staprel?
April 28th, 2008 at 3:39 pm
Absolutely brilliant, Ape. Any thought to adding a “what got me fired” tag? I think it’d suit the Hines posts quite nicely.
April 28th, 2008 at 3:57 pm
@BDo: There’s a VIP section at Bar Louie? Huh.
This is just awesome. If only the world knew the brilliant mind behind such work. Surely praise would be heaped upon its author and he would be promoted to more prestigious and higher-paying positions within his profession.
What?
April 28th, 2008 at 4:15 pm
@85
Ya it was around the US Open time when they had that barge people were trying to land a ball on… an area was line off… Comin at me like i don’t know my shit…psh
Im sorry, I wasn’t a hot chick or an accountant with a fatass in plaid pants so it was VIP when compared to my ass
April 28th, 2008 at 4:44 pm
You arr furr of sclapper!
April 28th, 2008 at 5:18 pm
I’ve tried to read this out loud about eight times but I still can’t get past “I no furr of smirre light now” without laughing
April 28th, 2008 at 6:27 pm
@ BDo: My bad, guy. Only that first part was directed toward you. The rest was apparently an airball of an attempt to make yet another joke about Ape being fired.
Yeah, around U.S. Open time everywhere suddenly had a VIP section. Funny how that works, and even funnier are some of the assholes who make it in.
April 28th, 2008 at 7:17 pm
I smelled what you were cookin, no worries.
On a side note, my severence was a bit of a kick in the balls, but after 6 other mini-vacations thanks to HR/the new girls tits hanging out of her wonderfully low cut top that was sreaming at the seam trying to hold them in and the tent that i pitched in the middle of a meeting because of it, the wierd noises that came from the bathroom and … wait what was i talking about, bananas?
April 28th, 2008 at 9:08 pm
I would love to hear Hines introducing Rimas and Lashald to the boys in the locker room.