Hines Ward Takes The Culinary Tour
New skedurre lereased yesday and I go to see shitty we pray in foll new season. Look foll prace make fun in week befoll game. No need go Creverand, since me know is Mistake by Rake.
I go first Furryderphia. We pray there Numbell Shree Week.
Furryderphia have many things rike scalee peeper who thlow battlee at Annual Gift Man. And eat thing like sclapper.
Sclapper not make smirre.
But they eat also cheesestick.
Maybe get Furryderphia cheesestick.
WHAT THIS!?
IS SO LACIST!
No way I get cheesestick now!
“Fuck you. We getting steak.”
Who that?
“Your black half. The one who don’t be jumbling all the L’s and R’s. The one who been trying to repress ever since you tried to connect to your cornerstore owning, police calling, landlording heritage. And I didn’t come all the way to gat damn Philly to not get some steak.”
I so confuse!
April 16th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
Speak Engrish sign at Geno’s Cheesestick may not be A-OK numble 1 for Mr. Ward when he comes to Furry.
April 16th, 2008 at 3:23 pm
hey i just realized…where are the links on the side? you guys too good to give love to LOLjocks?
where will i get my caption humor now?
April 16th, 2008 at 3:24 pm
Sclorr down, Webstar
April 16th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
The next Herschel Walker???
April 16th, 2008 at 3:37 pm
It’s all true. The battery barrage is why Annual Gift Man had to move to the moon.
April 16th, 2008 at 3:40 pm
Ape looks a lot different without his glasses on
April 16th, 2008 at 3:51 pm
This piece of blog is about as funny as colon cancer. You better be a self deprecating Asian Ape or I’m going to have to stare your ass down with my slanty eyes, beat you senseless with my nunchucks, pick your eyeballs out with my chopsticks, and roll them up in some seaweed to consume with my flied lice you plick.
April 16th, 2008 at 4:13 pm
Chink’s is in my neighborhood, actually. Good cheesesteak, but not great.
The best in the city is at John’s Roast Pork.
PS I find coron cancel hirarious
April 16th, 2008 at 4:19 pm
“Sclapper” like to kill me laughing. You had to be cracking up writing this. Fucking sclapper!
April 16th, 2008 at 4:49 pm
@ Brady:
To be fair, though, colon cancer is pretty fucking funny.
April 16th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
Is it harder to stare someone down with slanty eyes? I feel like maybe you wouldn’t get the full effect. I mean, your opponent might just think the sun is shining really brightly behind him.
April 16th, 2008 at 5:09 pm
Hines Wald make me smirre evely time. Brack Hines need to hide, beclaws that lestelaunt is so lacist! And Hines not even Chine-lese.
April 16th, 2008 at 5:11 pm
The fact that I’m Korean-American and that my grandmother still speaks like this gives me the biggest shit-eating grin every time I read these. Ape you forgot laundromat-owning. We have lots of raundlomats and do a rot of lraundly
April 16th, 2008 at 5:26 pm
Wow. That is some funny shit. Awesome, Ape.
April 16th, 2008 at 5:44 pm
When Hines Ward walks into a Korean-owned corner store in a black neighborhood, he must be the most confused and conflicted man on the planet.
April 16th, 2008 at 6:28 pm
The reference to “Annual Gift Man” alone was worth the five minutes I wasted reading this.
April 16th, 2008 at 6:37 pm
i knew from the sight it was scrapple and… sclapper may be my new favorite word
April 16th, 2008 at 6:43 pm
How can it be a waste of five minutes if it was worth it?
April 16th, 2008 at 6:56 pm
.. Now my Indian half wants some gobi ka paranta and daal roti. And I have a strange inclination to do someone’s taxes.
Neveeeeeeer……
April 16th, 2008 at 7:07 pm
Yay, you’re a fucking racist with a creativity deficit. Next time I come visit you at Blockbuster, remind me to buy you a cookie. Seriously, is this the best you have?
April 16th, 2008 at 7:22 pm
Anyone who uses numbers in their handle is pretty creative in my book. They sell cookies at Blockbuster?
April 16th, 2008 at 9:15 pm
+1 to Dick_Gozinia.
I’m Asian and I think we all need to lay off the Ape. He always brings the funny. I mean the guy writes touchy-feely personal interest stories in a dying medium by day and foul-mouthed, racist blog entries by night. Sounds like a superhero to me.
April 16th, 2008 at 11:03 pm
Mah, I arweez rove-a deez Hinah Warr poss! Make-a raff rongtime!
April 16th, 2008 at 11:04 pm
Why does it seem like the new format has brought out all these commenters who apparently have never read the site before today? Brady doesn’t know if Ape is Asian, BigRedMachine is apparently unfamiliar with the smirres of Hines Wald, what the hell is going on?!
April 17th, 2008 at 2:04 am
I’m still perplexed at the concept of buying cookies at Blockbuster? What, Hollywood Video was closed?
April 17th, 2008 at 10:08 am
@ smurphette
maybe the new format brought changes to the KSK’ers, maybe UM is finally black
April 17th, 2008 at 12:04 pm
10 smirre for bambi.
April 17th, 2008 at 1:56 pm
this isn’t funny, what are you guys talking about? I mean, it’s really boring.
April 17th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
to all commenters who feel the need to call this racist:
Is this making fun of Korean Americans or Korean American stereotypes?
I’ll give you a hint…it’s the latter
April 18th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
Any chance we can get a Hines Ward/Marmalard Crossover Extravaganza?
I give this tree smirre.
YA BETTA ASK SOMEBODAYYYYYYYYY!
May 10th, 2008 at 3:30 pm
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