Hey Honey, If You Want Me to Let You Into This Draft, You Gotta Show Us Your T-ts
Hey! Hey, honey!
(whistles)
Hoo hoo hoo, look at you, honey! You are lookin’ fucking NICE! Jesus, look at those tits. Those are some serious fucking bowling balls. I should just call you Womangini! Those water balloons look like they’re about to fuckin’ burst, sweetie pie! My old lady don’t look like dat! That old crone’s got tits that can play pattycake with her fuckin’ knees! It’s like handling week-old pizza dough!
Gah head, honey. Come on in to the ampitheater.
(blocks entrance)
Just kidding, honey. There’s no way me and my boys are lettin’ you into this draft without seein’ those gascans.
(fans cheer)
Gah head, honey. Show poppa those luscious cupcakes.
(grabs boobs)
Whaddaya mean, no? What are you, some kinda fuckin’ dyke? Everyone’s havin’ a good time here! We started drinking at 5 in the morning just for this! Cut my boys some slack. Give ‘em a little taste of those funbags. Come on! Loosen up! Everyone’s havin’ fun! Why you gotta go ruin that? C’mon, cutie. Hey boys, let’s give her some encouragement, eh?
T-I-T-S TITS TITS TITS!
T-I-T-S TITS TITS TITS!
T-I-T-S TITS TITS TITS!
T-I-T-S TITS TITS TITS!
T-I-T-S TITS TITS TITS!
Huh? Is that fucking great or whaaaat? Come on honey, how’s bout taking a peek at those volcanoes, eh? You know, my brother’s a cop. If you don’t show us those vavooms, I can have him arrest you. For what? For being a fucking buzzkill, that’s what.
Hey, where you goin’? Oh, so you’re like one of these feminist types? Fine. Fuck off. You’re a fucking whore, you know that, honey? No, no, no, see, because me and my friends were nice to you. We welcomed you in here. We even offered to shower you with Michelob. We were gonna invite you to come throw bottle caps at Darren McFadden. But you had to go and be a fucking BITCH! Boo! BOOOOOOO!!!! Boo her, boys!
BOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
BOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
BOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
BOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
BOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Yeah, that’s it. Walk away! Walk away, fatty! Yeah, that’s right! You’re fucking fat! How you like that, now? All you had to do was show us those donut holes. But you didn’t, so bye bye, chubby. And don’t ever let me see you around Jersey way again. Because JERSEY DOESN’T PUT UP WITH STUCK-UP WHORES, YOU STUCK-UP WHORE.
(throws hot dog)
Hey, look at the tits on that girl over there! Yo Brett, go spit vodka on her chest.
April 24th, 2008 at 10:39 am
Excellent work.
But I have to take issue with the fact that you didn’t spell “whore” correctly. It’s “hoo-oar.”
April 24th, 2008 at 10:39 am
As a Jets fan, I’ve never been prouder.
Incidentally, waking up at 5 to drink and sexually harassing women is exactly how I plan to spend Saturday. Coincidence?
April 24th, 2008 at 10:41 am
Jets fans can’t afford Michelob
April 24th, 2008 at 10:54 am
Great depiction of Jets fans, but I can’t let you sully the good name of New Jersey. We are a classy folk. Refined, even.
Now excuse me while I hop in my ROC and head to da shore. Beat the clock night at D’Jais.
(I’m from S. Jersey, so I kid b/c I love.)
April 24th, 2008 at 10:57 am
I smell an epic fight between Jets fans and Pats fans coming.
April 24th, 2008 at 11:08 am
Johndewar is right, we’re Budweiser people. And if we draft another defensive player on Saturday, I will drink my weight in it.
April 24th, 2008 at 11:18 am
Carl is a Jets fan now?
April 24th, 2008 at 11:25 am
I think you mean Giants fans. Jets fans seem to be the classier fans who went to Princeton and work on Wall Street. Giants fans are the Sopranos caricatures.
also -1 for know capi cola (aka gobba goul) reference
+1,000 for highlighting New Jersey’s suckage
April 24th, 2008 at 12:04 pm
Princeton? Did the Jets started playing polo? Or do you just not get the youtubes piped to your house?
April 24th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
Yes, that Mike Greenberg is the epitome of all Jets fans.
April 24th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
Now that you’ve exposed Jets fans’ plan to pelt McFadden with bottlecaps they’re going to have to scramble to think of something better. When he gets clocked in the head with the actual bottle I’m blaming you Drew.
April 24th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
Goodell: “With the 6th pick of the draft, the New York Jets select our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ”
Jets fans: “BBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO”
April 24th, 2008 at 1:04 pm
Hey Honey, If You Want Me to Let You Into This Draft, You Gotta Show Us Your Tits
Is that how the KSK fantasy draft goes down? No wonder there’s only one girl in the league. Still, much like the fatty insults for Wade & Jerry, Drew’s range of synonyms for tits is impressive.
April 24th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
Okay, so you guys have nailed Patriots fans, Steelers fans and Jets fans.
Any chance you can move south on this? As a Saints fan, I’d like to see if you guys can capture: a) those bastard Falcon fans and b) get our ridiculous “We’re gonna go 13-3!” followed by “We’re gonna go 3-13!” after our first incomplete pass of the season.
Saints fans are the most bipolar bunch in the league…
April 24th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
To the girl that would show her tits thus insulting my Jet bretheren…I give you this shirt
shirt.woot.com
April 24th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
@bizzo
only if the pats fans can tape the jets walkthrough first
April 24th, 2008 at 2:13 pm
Take dat ya hooah!
Giants Stadium parking lot two hours before gametime is the worst place on earth. Ladies and gentlemen, I’ve been to Vietnam, Afghanistan and Iraq, and I can say without hyperbole that it is a million times worse than all of them put together.
April 24th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
Take dat ya hooah!
Now that’s the proper spelling.
April 24th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
Huh? The Falcons have fans?
April 24th, 2008 at 4:01 pm
Shit, I didn’t realize the Saints had fans either….oh well soon it will The LA Saints around 2010 anyway, baby!!
April 24th, 2008 at 4:25 pm
Michelob? Budweiser?
Jersey Jets fans are Red Dog and Red Wolf drinkers. Killians is WAAAAY too classy for them.
Princeton? Wow, no way man. Try Hofstra and Rutgers’ Camden campus.
April 25th, 2008 at 1:33 am
Why did you edit out tits?
April 25th, 2008 at 2:32 am
@Hakim Drops
+1 on the bipolar Saints fans. I say the 40+ years of constant suckage prompts that sort of thinking. That and all the booze.
@Dickens
Never gonna happen.
April 25th, 2008 at 3:21 am
Choice:
Watching 2007 J E T S.
Checking out Boobs.
Where is the controversy.