Big Daddy Drew Reacts to the Jared Allen Trade
And thus ensued a great e-mail thread slap fight between Drew and the Maj for reasons homersexual in nature.
Maj: But they did more than just that. The Vikings also signed Allen to one of the largest contracts in NFL history, a six-year, $74 million deal with $31 million in guarantees.
/laughs uncontrollably
Drew: I have no problem whatsoever with that contract. He’s arguably the best defensive end in the league.
Maj: Your boys are giving 31 mil guaranteed to a white guy who doesn’t play quarterback. You be fucked.
Drew: Did you expect a DPOY candidate to cost $2.50? Giving $20 million combined to B-Lloyd and Randle El is being fucked. Giving $31 million to a proven All-Pro still in his prime is, uh, not dumb.
Maj: Did they already come out with the ‘08 DPOY candidate list?
Drew: They had the most cap room of any team in the league. I thought the Williams signing was idiotic. I think this signing is good.
They front load the cap hit on all their contracts, so that they don’t have cap issues further down the line. They’re the opposite of the Redskins.
Allen was a DPOY candidate in 2007, retard.
Maj: There is no such thing as a DPOY candidate! It’s not like they nominate four guys and pick one.
What does any of that have to do with the Redskins? I think it’s been established that they’re run by fucktards.
Drew: Yes, but it’s fun to point it out constantly.
————————————–
Whoa whoa whoa, prickly Penelopes. See how even the slightest whiff of NFL news turns us from latent to flaming?
Could such sublimated animosity spill over into our mock draft? Maybe just verbosity.
\hat tip to The Internet is Terrible for the vike pic
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Tags: maj vs drew who ya got, slap fights, yes i know the vikings are going 3-13 this year
April 23rd, 2008 at 3:04 pm
Big Fatty Jew
April 23rd, 2008 at 3:10 pm
Wouldn’t that guy in the picture need another 30 lbs of fat to be Drew?
/I only kid because I love
April 23rd, 2008 at 3:12 pm
Wow, an email between two “comedians,”, masquerading as a sports post.
What’s next: an IM exchange?
April 23rd, 2008 at 3:16 pm
At least the Vikings have relieved themselves of actually having to make a pick with that first rounder before their 10 minutes are up…
April 23rd, 2008 at 3:18 pm
As this site’s Senior Chiefs Fan, I have to agree with BDD on this one. Jared Allen is a wrecking ball of a man.
While he might not be as strong as an ape, don’t lock eyes with him, don’t do it. Puts him on edge. He might go into berzerker mode; come at you like a whirling dervish, all fists and elbows. You might be screaming “No, no, no” and all he hears is “Who wants cake?”
/finds solace in obscure references during times of mourning
April 23rd, 2008 at 3:19 pm
I’m sure you guys already know but that bloviating gasbag Easterbrook has graced us with another unfunny mock draft.
April 23rd, 2008 at 3:26 pm
We come from the land of the ice and snow
from the midnight sun where the hot springs flow
The hammer of the gods will drive our ships to new land
To fight the horde and sing and cry, Valhalla, I am coming
On we sweep with, with threshing oar
Our only goal will be the western shore
April 23rd, 2008 at 3:33 pm
Oh God, if we take Kenny Phillips, I’m going Emo Eagle on everyone.
April 23rd, 2008 at 4:04 pm
Can the Meast award be given in the off season?
I applaud the Vikings overlords for finally getting their draft correct.
Zigi has deep pockets and he’s showing the willingness that McCombs didn’t in getting prime talent on this team.
T. Jackson’s pressure to perform just skyrocketed.
April 23rd, 2008 at 4:05 pm
Natty Ice….sweet. Was the town out of Old Milwaukee that day?
Q - What did the 5 fingers say to the face?
April 23rd, 2008 at 4:14 pm
Goddamit Carl, unless this draft class has at least 5 “red jesus’s” this is gonna be like 20 years of darkness for KC. Only other way this looks smart is if Jared get his hands on some grainbelt “suspension sauce” or finds his way onto a “party boat” with some teammates.
Mullet Jesus, you shall be missed.
April 23rd, 2008 at 4:15 pm
ice: They save IM exchanges for the playoffs.
April 23rd, 2008 at 4:15 pm
And by ice I mean irish.
/needs to stop drinking in the middle of the day
April 23rd, 2008 at 4:18 pm
This whole trade reeks of “Great on paper, lousy in practice.” You’re sending a two time DUI offender from Kansas City to Minneapolis? Is there anything to do there other than drink? Yeesh.
But hey, good job Vikes. you’ve got the scariest D-line in the league. Expect lots of 14-7, 10-3, and 3-0 games.
April 23rd, 2008 at 4:22 pm
we we all know drews viking costume would be made of discared boxes of Wild Turkey…
April 23rd, 2008 at 4:22 pm
we we all know drews viking costume would be made of discarded boxes of Wild Turkey…
April 23rd, 2008 at 4:23 pm
apologies for the double post, apparently Nibbles got into my server as well
April 23rd, 2008 at 4:34 pm
Did anyone read the comments from the douchelord Cowboys blogger in the mock draft (linked above)?
He wrote it like you’d write to your grandmother in a Thank You card.
“The Dallas Cowboys are elated to find Oregon RB Jonathan Stewart still on the board at pick No. 22 and quickly claim him.”
Really?
Fuckshop.
April 23rd, 2008 at 4:34 pm
@ Unsilent
Didint you mean Big Natty Jew?
April 23rd, 2008 at 4:41 pm
This trade might not have happened if Kenechi Udeze hadn’t been a selfish prick and got himself some leukemia.
April 23rd, 2008 at 4:45 pm
Hey Otto Man,
Remember what Wilford told us: they ALWAYS want cake.
April 23rd, 2008 at 5:06 pm
I approve of that viking’s torso…and shoulders…and arms.
April 23rd, 2008 at 5:09 pm
As the only Broncos fan on this site let me say that I am so very glad to not have to play that monster twice a year any more.
April 23rd, 2008 at 5:14 pm
Thanks for being there for me, Gino.
April 23rd, 2008 at 5:20 pm
hasn’t he already been nailed twice by the leaguye for substance abuse?
latimore from “the program”?
April 23rd, 2008 at 5:24 pm
Maj vs. Drew? My money is still on Kobayashi.
April 23rd, 2008 at 5:32 pm
There is only one good team in the NFL that wears purple, and that’s the Ravens….hah
April 23rd, 2008 at 5:40 pm
Drew is right. Championship teams are build from the line-out. If anyone is screwed, it’s the ‘Skins (at least at this point pre-draft).
April 23rd, 2008 at 5:42 pm
[...] Tacoma and Pierce County Local News | News Tribune | Tacoma, University Place, Gig Harbor, Puyallup,… wrote an interesting post today on Big Daddy Drew Reacts to the Jared Allen TradeHere’s a quick excerptSee how even the slightest whiff of NFL news turns us from latent to flaming? Could such sublimated animosity spill over into our mock draft? [...]
April 23rd, 2008 at 5:49 pm
The Skins are always screwed.
Smello - I also enjoy that Viking’s muscular area right around the hips above the crotchal region. Mmmmm…
April 23rd, 2008 at 5:53 pm
Also, Jared “One can of beer from suspended” Allen to the Vikings. I hope you’re worried.
Love the mock draft on MSNBC. Lots of very stuffy bloggers and then… well, some goodness.
April 23rd, 2008 at 5:56 pm
Yeah, I’m sorry. It’s unfortunate that I have to root for the Vikes due to geographical location, but even if I wasn’t rooting for them, it doesn’t take a scientist or two large boobs to figure out that this is fucking awesome for the Vikings. In 6 years his contract is going to look like hobo money. They said the same thing when we poison pilled the SeaHags to get Hutch, and now the best left guard in the NFL is getting paid peanuts next to some of the other towel humpers out there. And Allen is a 26 year old pro bowler next to 2 other pro bowlers on a totally bitching Dline. Plus he has a mullett. As typical, Fuck and Yes. 2008 is gonna be bitchin. This is a great deal. I have no problem with it.
April 23rd, 2008 at 5:56 pm
@jd,
substance abuse isn’t the same as DUIs. Alcohol is a substance, but it is can never abused. Not like Merriman main-lining race horse steroids.
April 23rd, 2008 at 6:03 pm
“it can never be abused…” except when drinking and posting comments.
April 23rd, 2008 at 6:04 pm
tdub-thanks
comments withdrawn.
April 23rd, 2008 at 6:31 pm
Substance abuse and vehicular irresponsiblity have been core values in the Minnesota Vikings’ organization since it started in 1960- I think it’s mentioned somewhere in their mission statement. The maritime sexual depravity clause was added later.
One favorite example: back in the ’80s at summer training camp in Mankato, MN, Keith Millard was hammered, decided he needed a Whopper and drove to Burger King. Well, he took the term “Drive-Thru” literally, went through the wall and parked his Bronco directly in the kitchen. When the police came, he told them his arms were more powerful than their guns. Don’t forget Onterio W’hizzinator” Smith and Koren Robinson. Oh, and also Donald Igwebuike, though he was aquitted of those heroin-trafficking charges.
Still, SKÃ…L VIKINGS!
April 23rd, 2008 at 6:58 pm
Gino,
don’t forget the “bobby and steve’s” incident with Mckinney and Marcus Johnson, coupled with Carl Eller’s recent road trip. We have proven time and time again that there is nothing better to do up here.
April 23rd, 2008 at 7:22 pm
/looks at mock draft over at msnbc or whatever site it was
jesus drew….grabbing for attention a bit?
April 23rd, 2008 at 7:49 pm
Please. If the Vikings go 3-13, I will buy a hat and eat it. And it will be a good hat, a sexy fedora
April 23rd, 2008 at 9:05 pm
TDub,
Carl Eller, Jim Marshall, Gary Larson and Minnesota State Supreme Court Associate Justice Alan Page (along with all other Purple People Eaters) are completely beyond reproach. Carl Eller and his hair process were the real-life model for Samuel L. Jackson’s hit man character in “Pulp Fiction”.
April 23rd, 2008 at 9:57 pm
Super Bowls 4
Vikings 0
Oh and 1998 and all that stuff too.
/I hate because it’s fun.
April 23rd, 2008 at 10:24 pm
and how can I get my avatar up and running over at these parts?
April 23rd, 2008 at 10:37 pm
Gino,
does that explain the perpetual donning of backward Kangol hats by both Eller and Jackson since 1994? If so, color me re-educated.
But really, how would you like to be the state trooper that busts Allen and effectively tanks an entire Vikings season for sticking to a stupid .08 rule? I say let the man spread his wings and fly.
April 24th, 2008 at 1:20 am
They don’t issue DUI’s for ice fishing.
April 24th, 2008 at 9:40 am
The Bars up there have last call at like 12:30 right?
If so, I like this trade.
Although, now the Vikes are a team that wears purple and focuses completely on having a great defense. That sounds familiar…and gay.
Does that mean T. Jack is worse than Trent Dilfer ? –> Yes
Does being worse than Trent Dilfer mean its time to burn a pick on a new QB? –> Yes
Are the Redskins undoubtedly a better Franchise than the Vikings? –> Yes
April 24th, 2008 at 10:19 am
They don’t issue DUI’s for ice fishing.
You don’t know Jared Allen. He’ll be using TNT.
April 24th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
Jeff,
The bar closing time got pushed back to 2:00. A piece of legislation passed at the same time as our conceal and carry handgun law.
More drinking+More handguns=More Safety
April 24th, 2008 at 1:06 pm
@TDub
You have to take the good with the bad (if your anti gun)
Assuming Stephen Jackson doesn’t come North I’d take that trade off any day.
Since I’m not particularly anti-gun, and I think guns look cool in movies I’d just be taking awesome with a side of awesome
April 29th, 2008 at 10:02 am
[...] lacks in subtlety, he more than makes up with in enthusiasm. Chris is excited about the Jared Allen trade. Really, really [...]