Jay Cutler, ever the font of priggish wisdom, has agreed to lend an ear to some readers’ most pressing problems.

My mother died late last year. My father, who just retired 10 months ago, is now at loose ends. He was always really committed to work so he wasn’t sure what to do with himself once he stopped with his job. My parents had a lot of travel plans set up together, but he’s not going to follow through on those alone. And I don’t think he’s ready to start dating again. I really don’t want to have him moping around the house, but it’s hard for me to keep him company. My brother has a much closer bond with my dad but he moved across the country for work years ago. I’m close by but I still find it difficult to relate to him. I don’t want him to be lonely but what can I do to help if we always feel like strangers to one another?

-Conflicted in Charlotte

I don’t know.

I told my parents I’m inviting my new boyfriend over for Passover. They’re very excited about meeting them, as we’ve been dating for some time, but they don’t know he’s not Jewish. They’ve always pressured me to marry someone who is Jewish and I feel like I’m making a mistake by making this revelation during such an important holiday. The thing is, we’ve already made plans to move in together. I know I should have said something earlier, but I’ve never agreed with their position and they’ve never given any indication that they are going to stray from it.

-So Hard to Jews

That sucks.

I’ve been happily married for eight years. My wife and I have sex once or twice a week. But I have a serious problem: I’m addicted to pornography.

I keep a stash of porn in a drawer at work. Three times a week, my lunch hour is spent jerking off in the handicapped stall of a public restroom. And that’s only the beginning. I have a fetish for shit. An ideal experience for me is to save up my bowel movement until my lunch hour, go to my favorite restroom, and time it just right so that I empty my bowels right before the moment of ejaculation. An extra bonus is if someone arrives at one of the other stalls and takes a shit. The sound and smell of it excites me even more (I am definitely not gay). And once the person leaves, I finish with a head-shattering orgasm.

After a really good one, I sometimes smear my shit on the walls of the stall. I feel very disgusted afterward. I’m not hurting anyone, but this seems wrong. Should I talk to someone?

-Jackin’ It in Jackson

Jesus. It’s always something with you people.

Thanks Jay!