All Hail The Conquering Ursine
Lost in the insanity of boozy Jay Cutler and songs we hate, we forgot to properly anoint our Kill Kill Kill Tournament champion, The Bear.
Drew would have preferred it be Bear Grylls, but our Bear cut an impressive swath of destruction, beating some of the tourney’s clear favorites, including Jet and Titan. Not sure how exactly. Possibly with claws and teeth and Paddington’s rain galoshes.
Lucky for Bear that overexposed comedians who can’t turn down a script didn’t get a slot, though I think Vegas is contemplating that mascot for their team.
Tags: The KSK Real NFL Mascot Kill Kill Kill Invitational Tou, xmas ape
April 14th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
Ya, because you guys are a lot funnier than Will Ferrell (not farell)…
April 14th, 2008 at 2:41 pm
The Texan still got a raw deal in being left out of the tourney. Nothing like a disembodied painted longhorn skull with guns shooting from each eyeball to take out a big target.
April 14th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
Fortunately for the bears, there’s no mascots called the Colon Twisters…yet…
April 14th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
Booooo. The tiger got hosed.
April 14th, 2008 at 2:56 pm
Shark has got next.
April 14th, 2008 at 2:57 pm
Oh, so you’re allowing anonymous comments now? Excellent.
April 14th, 2008 at 3:20 pm
Grilled bear chops are tasty, mighty tasty.
April 14th, 2008 at 3:33 pm
I fackin’ demand a fackin’ recount. No way that the Paytree-ut should have lost. If Wes Welkahhhhh can kick the shit out of a tigah, then no fackin’ quee-ah bee-ah can stand a chance.
/Masshole
April 14th, 2008 at 3:53 pm
What is Robert Goulet doing on top of a bear and did he kill it with his stunning good looks or Soul-Glo fumes?
April 14th, 2008 at 4:28 pm
+1 Jim U.
And fack those Quinzee lovin’ massholes. That feels great to say knowing they have no retort to 18-1.
April 14th, 2008 at 4:28 pm
next up, an all-out royal rumble featuring the unemployed mascots of the now-defunct NFL europe! this will be vaguely similar to homeless boxing matches. my money’s on the galaxy
April 14th, 2008 at 6:03 pm
The Vikings got robbed. The fearsome Vikings were often called Berserkers. Berserk means “Bearhide Shirt” in Old Norse. Think about it, you Snuggles Touchers.
April 14th, 2008 at 8:30 pm
@hit dog
Stone Cold Steve Austin was a way better representation of a Texan than their stupid logo, and he got his ass kicked by the Browns.
April 14th, 2008 at 10:15 pm
Jackin’4beats - I’m a masshole, I’ll give you that, but I don’t know that 18-0 needs a retort. I mean, maybe it does for some of the yahoos that come from my home state and give Pats (and Sox) fans a bad name, but 18-0 is pretty fucking good.
April 14th, 2008 at 10:28 pm
Yeah, but that 1 in 18-1 is the only 1 that matters.
April 14th, 2008 at 10:30 pm
You are right, 18-0 is pretty fucking good. But then hubris set in, and you massholes decided to print 19-0 t-shirts, and start a stupid fucking petition to get the last 1:36 reviewed. That, the silent racism, and Bill Simmons are why everyone hates you and your kind.
April 15th, 2008 at 12:11 am
I’m a masshole, I’ll give you that, but I don’t know that 18-0 needs a retort.
I believe El Duke and The Lazer summarized my thoughts appropriately. But to pile on…
1. They clearly don’t teach reading comprehension in Quinzee. 18-0 is NOT the same as 18-1.
2. The last 1:36 of the super bowl DID TAKE PLACE. You were not asleep and it was not a dream. The Pats lost the last game of the season. It really did happen.
Still awaiting your retort.
April 15th, 2008 at 1:11 am
Hey, the Bears lost only one game in a year once. They just remembered to win the Super Bowl. Maybe Patriots fans didn’t watch it that year?
April 15th, 2008 at 8:28 am
65-16 is also pretty fucking good. But I have a feeling that we’d hear a lot more about the Celtics from the Masshole population the demographics of the team were a little different…
April 15th, 2008 at 10:53 am
@ Shinons
You are right. Don’t see any Massholes rocking the Garnett or Pierce or Allen jerseys do we? I’m sure Bird, Ainge and McHale are still tawp sellahs tho.
April 15th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
@jackin
Don’t forget Scalabrine!
April 15th, 2008 at 12:55 pm
jackin’4beats Says:
But to pile on…
Give it up, OK. Lets face some reality here, as an almost Masshole, I love that you hate us. So Bring It On, and lets see what franchise does it again. Little eli? I think not. Brady is getting a nice rest to get the beat down ready for next year.