After Rejecting Other Deals, Bengals Trade Chad Johnson to Tyler Perry
CINCINNATI — A day after declining the Washington Redskins’ offer of potentially two first-round picks for wide receiver Chad Johnson, the Cincinnati Bengals shipped the restive wideout to omnipresent comedian Tyler Perry.
“Chad will fit in well with our stereotype-laden productions filled with embarrassingly silly, shiftless blacks,” Perry said from the set of his latest movie, “Tyler Perry’s Madea Goes to The Church Social,” which will be released exactly a week after his current project “Tyler Perry’s Meet The Browns” leaves theatres.
“I got a vision for Chad. This next movie has a need for a goofy black mail carrier who occasionally hits the pipe. Knowing him, it won’t be hard to work in a exuberant dance number everytime he cracks a joke.”
“I think I’d be interested in seeing that,” said every black person you know.
In exchange for the Pro Bowler, the Bengals receive 10 percent of the box office receipts of any film that Johnson appears in, as well as a fat suit and a granny wig.
“We really found a situation that was best for all involved,” said Bengals head coach Marvin Lewis. “Chad got to leave the Bengals and we got a steady source of income to compensate for the team losing more of its increasingly frustrated fans.”
Reached for comment, Johnson made a motion of a circle with his finger then blew a burst of air through it. He laughed maniacally for five seconds, turned quickly and walked off.
Tags: cincinnati bengals, ocho cinco done lost his mind, xmas ape
April 23rd, 2008 at 10:45 am
JARED ALLEN IS A VIKING!
JARED ALLEN IS A VIKING!
FUCK YEAH!
Ahem.
April 23rd, 2008 at 10:54 am
That’s not racial transcendence!!!
April 23rd, 2008 at 10:54 am
Sweet Jesus Ape, thank you a million for this. I hate Tyler Perry productions, the only thing more offensive to me than the movies are the videotaped stage plays which are just full of stereotypes and lazy jokes. At the day program I work at every Friday is “Movie Day” and invariably I have to watch two or three of these in a row at least once a month. Man I just sat down at my desk and man nothing made me smile/got my blood boiling more than that post.
+ Alot
April 23rd, 2008 at 11:18 am
If Tyler Perry wrote and directed a horror movie, it would have the highest grossing opening weekend of all-time.
And the “Uncategorized” tag on a Perry-related post? Well played, sir.
April 23rd, 2008 at 11:21 am
Tyler Perry is more detremental to black people than the Klan.
April 23rd, 2008 at 11:30 am
I want to kill Tyler Perry with Flava Flav. The two of them set the race back decades every time they leave the house.
April 23rd, 2008 at 11:36 am
Perry’s next project actually is “Medea Goes to Jail”, which is actually perfect for a Bengel.
April 23rd, 2008 at 11:39 am
I am 100% certain that Tyler Perry spends his private time holding urine-soaked orgies with underaged boys. While wearing that stupid Madea outfit.
April 23rd, 2008 at 11:48 am
Maybe Ocho will get a cameo in Ice Cube’s next movie “Are We White Yet?”
April 23rd, 2008 at 12:16 pm
I’m still having a hard time believing there is a black guy named Tyler Perry.
April 23rd, 2008 at 12:56 pm
When did Martin Lawrence start calling Big Momma Medea?
April 23rd, 2008 at 1:14 pm
Tyler Perry Presents Ocho Cinco’s Yellow Mohawk!
Coming to TBS Fall ‘08.
/still better than Frank TV
April 23rd, 2008 at 1:28 pm
Reggie Nelson begrudgingly admits that Tyler Perry is overrated.
April 23rd, 2008 at 1:40 pm
The Big Lead adores Tyler Perry movies.
April 23rd, 2008 at 2:30 pm
Perry’s next project actually is “Medea Goes to Jail”, which is actually perfect for a Bengel
So he’s just remaking Ernest movies now? Sounds about right.
April 23rd, 2008 at 2:57 pm
Can’t wait for Tyler Perry Presents Slam Dunk Medea.
It’ll look a lot like the Larry Johnson Grand Ma Ma commercials, but 89 minutes longer and less funny.
April 23rd, 2008 at 4:13 pm
Are black people getting stupider because of Tyler Perry, or is Tyler Perry rich because of stupid black people? Out of all my black friends, I know NONE of them that watch Tyler Perry. His fan base must be based in the South.
April 23rd, 2008 at 6:12 pm
Gosh, Ape, that was so racist. As a mother, I don’t know how you could think you wouldn’t be fired!
/sike
April 23rd, 2008 at 8:02 pm
“I think I’d be interested in seeing that,” said every black person you know.
That’s funny, because it’s true. And I’m black.
April 23rd, 2008 at 9:10 pm
I am 100% certain that Tyler Perry spends his private time holding urine-soaked orgies with underaged boys. While wearing that stupid Madea outfit.
@BDD you got that one right brother.
April 24th, 2008 at 12:49 am
[...] After Rejecting Other Deals, Bengals Trade Chad Johnson to Tyler Perry CINCINNATI — A day after declining the Washington Redskins’ offer of potentially two first-round picks for wide receiver Chad Johnson, the Cincinnati Bengals shipped the restive wideout to omnipresent comedian Tyler Perry. [...]
April 24th, 2008 at 1:08 pm
I’m so down with this. Chad Johnson and Tyler Perry are so money.
April 24th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
[...] trade Chad Johnson to Tyler Perry. Chad will fit in well with our stereotype-laden productions filled with embarrassingly silly, [...]
April 26th, 2008 at 12:03 am
I, as a Bengal fan, would be happy to see that trade, providing the money the Bengals get from C.J.s movies would go to reducing the price of beer. Christian Moerlein is great beer, but i will not pay $7 for a 16oz draft of it…cocksuckers
if the Bengals trade C.J.s suddenly unhappy ass, it better be to a team that sucks balls…ya know, like the Vikings!
May 9th, 2009 at 6:31 pm
whoever cant see that tyler perry is a racist hack is an imbicil.. look at his ehem”work”… the lighter the skin the person has the more dispicable or ignorant or just unlikable they are.. the only time that any white person is at all accepted in his movies/plays are after they have been belittled and put in there place by someone of colour… iff the roles were vice versa the naacp wud go balistic,,4 sum reson that i cant seem to grasp, the humiliating and belittling of white people by peoples of colour in the media is accepted and allowed to be without contest… this is a rediculous double standard…. its NOT OK either way… why is this allowed to continue.. oh n 2 add isult 2 injury, his writing is fkn weak!! who th fk is entertained by this rubbish??.. its as though he took like one screenwriting seminar one day and just followed the directions…. i mean y do people like his shyte..??.. spike lee is racist but his movies are thought provoking and innovative and he has obvious talent… tyler perry is shyte. i truly dispize his work,, and believe it is devisive and a hinderance to progressive thought and detrimental to the entire human race… :)