Comments on: This Week’s KSK Mock Draft: Movie Endings We’d Like To Change http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/03/this-weeks-ksk-mock-draft-movie-endings.html KSK is a humor site dedicated solely to the NFL. Fri, 09 Jan 2009 22:17:53 +0000 http://wordpress.org/ By: J Money http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/03/this-weeks-ksk-mock-draft-movie-endings.html#comment-46826 J Money Mon, 24 Mar 2008 21:43:00 +0000 http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/03/this-week%e2%80%99s-ksk-mock-draft-movie-endings-we%e2%80%99d-like-to-change.html#comment-46826 "Identity"<br/><br/>Solid cast, cool/creepy story... people dying myseriously at a run-down motel during a nighttime rainstorm, crazy, what-the-fuck-is-happening-here element to it... and then it ends with us learning that each of the characters is one of the personalities of a crazy fucker. What a letdown. <br/><br/>Change it so that somehow, these people actually all exist and there's a better reason for them all dying... and not one that only a grad assistant in a fucking Abnormal Psych class could appreciate. <br/><br/>Also, add an Amanda Peet hardcore porn scene. “Identity”

Solid cast, cool/creepy story… people dying myseriously at a run-down motel during a nighttime rainstorm, crazy, what-the-fuck-is-happening-here element to it… and then it ends with us learning that each of the characters is one of the personalities of a crazy fucker. What a letdown.

Change it so that somehow, these people actually all exist and there’s a better reason for them all dying… and not one that only a grad assistant in a fucking Abnormal Psych class could appreciate.

Also, add an Amanda Peet hardcore porn scene.

]]> By: Jeff K http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/03/this-weeks-ksk-mock-draft-movie-endings.html#comment-46810 Jeff K Mon, 24 Mar 2008 19:39:00 +0000 http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/03/this-week%e2%80%99s-ksk-mock-draft-movie-endings-we%e2%80%99d-like-to-change.html#comment-46810 "Children Of Men".<br/><br/>This movie pissed me off because it builds up all this tension, the protagonist somehow escapes with the baby from the apartment building from hell . . . and then it just ends with a "meh".<br/><br/>New ending: flash-forward and show the baby grown up with a family of her own. She runs a fertility clinic, and they reveal the father of her offspring to be: Clive Owen. Therefore, all kids that populate the planet from now on are descendants of Clive Owen.<br/><br/>(It's up for you to decide if that's a nightmare ending or not.) “Children Of Men”.

This movie pissed me off because it builds up all this tension, the protagonist somehow escapes with the baby from the apartment building from hell . . . and then it just ends with a “meh”.

New ending: flash-forward and show the baby grown up with a family of her own. She runs a fertility clinic, and they reveal the father of her offspring to be: Clive Owen. Therefore, all kids that populate the planet from now on are descendants of Clive Owen.

(It’s up for you to decide if that’s a nightmare ending or not.)

]]> By: ben http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/03/this-weeks-ksk-mock-draft-movie-endings.html#comment-46751 ben Sat, 22 Mar 2008 18:32:00 +0000 http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/03/this-week%e2%80%99s-ksk-mock-draft-movie-endings-we%e2%80%99d-like-to-change.html#comment-46751 @undead zombie: Preach it, bro. My girlfriend and I saw it on IMAX, praying it would be loyal to the original (and the Vincent Price version), and went out swearing like animals. They took a perfectly good story and fucked it all to hell. The point is the EXACT OPPOSITE of the book. Damn them and damn Will Smith.<br/><br/>@troy: I always thought I was the only one who liked that movie except for that scroll. Glad I am not alone. Let's go prance on a beach somewhere. @undead zombie: Preach it, bro. My girlfriend and I saw it on IMAX, praying it would be loyal to the original (and the Vincent Price version), and went out swearing like animals. They took a perfectly good story and fucked it all to hell. The point is the EXACT OPPOSITE of the book. Damn them and damn Will Smith.

@troy: I always thought I was the only one who liked that movie except for that scroll. Glad I am not alone. Let’s go prance on a beach somewhere.

]]> By: Robert http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/03/this-weeks-ksk-mock-draft-movie-endings.html#comment-46750 Robert Sat, 22 Mar 2008 16:42:00 +0000 http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/03/this-week%e2%80%99s-ksk-mock-draft-movie-endings-we%e2%80%99d-like-to-change.html#comment-46750 Snake Eyes. It begins and ends with Snake Eyes. The entire movie sets up Nick Cage as a dirty, corrupt, petty, thieving, cop. He is offered mad cash to go away and let the bad guys win. <br/><br/><br/>So instead he instantly changes the very nature of his being and becomes a hero? No F'n Way. <br/><br/>Shoulda been ending - Cage walking down a hallway with a suitcase of money, muffled gunshots from behind a door and....credits. Snake Eyes. It begins and ends with Snake Eyes. The entire movie sets up Nick Cage as a dirty, corrupt, petty, thieving, cop. He is offered mad cash to go away and let the bad guys win.

So instead he instantly changes the very nature of his being and becomes a hero? No F’n Way.

Shoulda been ending - Cage walking down a hallway with a suitcase of money, muffled gunshots from behind a door and….credits.

]]> By: Troy http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/03/this-weeks-ksk-mock-draft-movie-endings.html#comment-46749 Troy Sat, 22 Mar 2008 16:17:00 +0000 http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/03/this-week%e2%80%99s-ksk-mock-draft-movie-endings-we%e2%80%99d-like-to-change.html#comment-46749 Unbreakable. It was actually a decent ending, only GET RID OF THE FUCKING SCROLL AT THE END. You've just spent an entire movie on a pretty good superhero/supervillian origin story, don't fuck it up with a "and the superhero eventually wins" comment at the end of the movie. God Dammit M. Night. Also, the kid needs to die. Unbreakable. It was actually a decent ending, only GET RID OF THE FUCKING SCROLL AT THE END. You’ve just spent an entire movie on a pretty good superhero/supervillian origin story, don’t fuck it up with a “and the superhero eventually wins” comment at the end of the movie. God Dammit M. Night. Also, the kid needs to die.

]]> By: Ben http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/03/this-weeks-ksk-mock-draft-movie-endings.html#comment-46748 Ben Sat, 22 Mar 2008 13:20:00 +0000 http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/03/this-week%e2%80%99s-ksk-mock-draft-movie-endings-we%e2%80%99d-like-to-change.html#comment-46748 Pay It Forward<br/><br/>Instead of just Trevor dying at the end (what a random-ass ending by the way), a meteor hits the set of the film and kills everyone involved in making this piece of shit. Pay It Forward

Instead of just Trevor dying at the end (what a random-ass ending by the way), a meteor hits the set of the film and kills everyone involved in making this piece of shit.

]]> By: Gern http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/03/this-weeks-ksk-mock-draft-movie-endings.html#comment-46745 Gern Sat, 22 Mar 2008 05:31:00 +0000 http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/03/this-week%e2%80%99s-ksk-mock-draft-movie-endings-we%e2%80%99d-like-to-change.html#comment-46745 Good call on "No Country", lame ending. Horrible call on Vision Quest, great movie, great ending. Good call on “No Country”, lame ending. Horrible call on Vision Quest, great movie, great ending.

]]> By: Man Bear Pig http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/03/this-weeks-ksk-mock-draft-movie-endings.html#comment-46744 Man Bear Pig Sat, 22 Mar 2008 03:29:00 +0000 http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/03/this-week%e2%80%99s-ksk-mock-draft-movie-endings-we%e2%80%99d-like-to-change.html#comment-46744 @ J.L.<br/><br/>You scare me.<br/><br/>@ Dick<br/><br/>We must move forwards, not backwards. Upwards, not forwards, and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom!<br/><br/><br/>Anyway, the movie I choose is: Death of a Salesman.<br/><br/>Salesman has a twin brother who wants revenge.<br/><br/><br/>Lisa: Revenge? But, doesn't he kill himself?<br/>Joe: No, no, that's what you were led to believe. He was killed by the CIA for selling smack... to Nazis...<br/><br/>/vows never to use Hamster style again. @ J.L.

You scare me.

@ Dick

We must move forwards, not backwards. Upwards, not forwards, and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom!

Anyway, the movie I choose is: Death of a Salesman.

Salesman has a twin brother who wants revenge.

Lisa: Revenge? But, doesn’t he kill himself?
Joe: No, no, that’s what you were led to believe. He was killed by the CIA for selling smack… to Nazis…

/vows never to use Hamster style again.

]]> By: J.L. White http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/03/this-weeks-ksk-mock-draft-movie-endings.html#comment-46741 J.L. White Sat, 22 Mar 2008 01:22:00 +0000 http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/03/this-week%e2%80%99s-ksk-mock-draft-movie-endings-we%e2%80%99d-like-to-change.html#comment-46741 Well Drew, the obviou8s finish to Cast Away would be for Tom Hanks to push Helen Hunt aside the moment they reunited, head over to a Target and buy some kind of Nerf ball. He would then paint it to look like a volleyball, carve out a dick-sized hole in the middle, and call it "Wilsonette."<br/><br/>The End Well Drew, the obviou8s finish to Cast Away would be for Tom Hanks to push Helen Hunt aside the moment they reunited, head over to a Target and buy some kind of Nerf ball. He would then paint it to look like a volleyball, carve out a dick-sized hole in the middle, and call it “Wilsonette.”

The End

]]> By: Pale Writer http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/03/this-weeks-ksk-mock-draft-movie-endings.html#comment-46739 Pale Writer Sat, 22 Mar 2008 00:39:00 +0000 http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/03/this-week%e2%80%99s-ksk-mock-draft-movie-endings-we%e2%80%99d-like-to-change.html#comment-46739 Because it's beautiful and perfect!<br/><br/><br/>/cried the first time he saw it. Because it’s beautiful and perfect!

/cried the first time he saw it.

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