Molested by Jack Hanna Regional SemifinalsBengal vs. Jaguar & Lion vs. Panther
One thing is readily apparent from the results of the Kill, Kill, Kill bracket thus far: you bastards love the chalk. All four of the big cats– like other high seeds– sailed through the first round. Subtle attempts by fellow Mafia members to spur some upsets have been underwhelming at best. Accordingly, we are stepping up our efforts to subvert democracy.
The tiger you are voting on is Daniel Stripèd Tiger from Mister Roger’s Neighborhood. He has some serious self-esteem issues and for some reason wears a watch even though he lives inside of a friggin’ clock. His best friends are an alcoholic lesbian museum curator and a pompous owl who thinks he knows every goddam thing there is to know. Only a quivering nancy would vote for him.
The jaguar, on the other hand, is a Jaguar XF with three hot chicks hanging on it. If you don’t vote for the Jag it means you don’t like cars or girls. Enjoy your skateboard, fruit-loop.
The lion you are voting on is Snagglepuss. Snagglepuss is a third-tier character from Hanna-Barbera. He never got his own show and his principal claim to fame is hosting the Laff-a-Lympics. Snagglepuss is without a doubt the most pathetic specimen in the annals of lion-dom (not counting, of course the Detroit Lions). If you love America, you will not vote for the lion.
The panther you are voting on is the one from L.L. Cool J’s “Walking with a Panther” album cover. Pros: He wears a gold rope chain and keeps top secret shit in a Haliburton briefcase. Cons: Fuck you, what did you not understand about the gold rope chain??? If you don’t vote for the panther, you are worthless in the eyes of your God, and should probably consider suicide.
Vote at the top of the right column. The poll closes at the end of the day. Voting is closed. The Bengals won with 56 percent of the vote and the Lion won with 54 percent.
Tags: bad MS Paint, The KSK Real NFL Mascot Kill Kill Kill Invitational Tou
March 28th, 2008 at 10:14 am
I’m the type of guy that says the puddin’ is DELICIOUS.
March 28th, 2008 at 10:14 am
Dammit! I wish you had posted this BEFORE I voted for the Bengal!
March 28th, 2008 at 10:16 am
That Panther told me to knock you out.
March 28th, 2008 at 10:17 am
I can’t vote for anything associated with Ladies Love Cool James
Exit…stage left even
March 28th, 2008 at 10:19 am
The lion is the type of cat that has no idear that a sneaky, freaky brutha’s sneakin’ in from the rear.
March 28th, 2008 at 10:20 am
@ brad
You can change your vote broski.
March 28th, 2008 at 10:23 am
Dude… Jaguars break down all the fucking time. At least a stuffed animal always works.
March 28th, 2008 at 10:29 am
Nothing screams
“I have a small penis”
like driving a Jaguar while blasting L.L. Cool J
/hater
//can’t afford a Jag
///the wife says its nice
March 28th, 2008 at 10:40 am
LL in Krush Groove
March 28th, 2008 at 10:46 am
I want to see Grape Ape vs. Christmas Ape.
Also, did anyone see something really weird at the top of the page? Or is that mescaline not totally out of my system?
March 28th, 2008 at 10:53 am
I thought Muttley and Dick Dastardly hosted the Laff-A-Lympics.
March 28th, 2008 at 10:59 am
Pink cookies in a plastic bag, gettin’ crushed by a building, even.
March 28th, 2008 at 11:08 am
Daniel Striped Tiger also has to fight with a hand up his ass.
I’m not saying it’s impossible to fight that way, just pointing it out.
March 28th, 2008 at 11:08 am
A minute is needed to make a phony roni bleed
and put him in a bucket like it’s chicken feed.
March 28th, 2008 at 11:11 am
I dont know why my last comment was deleted. Bastards. Anyway:
I thought I saw Baby Kolber pop up and laugh at me in the KSK header at the top of the page.
I was high, but still…it happened.
March 28th, 2008 at 11:22 am
zombie – Calm down. You’re on drugs. This is what drugs do. And you know that there is no way that a penis can cut hair. Wait, what?
March 28th, 2008 at 11:28 am
there fucking with us, man!
March 28th, 2008 at 11:29 am
what, no Jean Grey image?
March 28th, 2008 at 11:38 am
i hear snagglepuss is a total fuck lion…
March 28th, 2008 at 11:48 am
undead zombie horde and unitard are hitting the butthash pretty hard
March 28th, 2008 at 11:53 am
The Ladies do indeed Love Cool James.
/Around-the-Way Girl
March 28th, 2008 at 11:54 am
Technically, the Jaguar could just run over everyone and it’d be over.
March 28th, 2008 at 12:01 pm
I feel like I’m a character from A Scanner Darkly watching the guy from Eraserhead read excepts from Naked Lunch in some kind of bizzaro cafetorium.
March 28th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
suddenly i feel like going to red lobster for shrimp and steak, around the time when the waitresses are on their lunch break.
March 28th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
@chip fu – unfortunately I saw Brenda. She worked at Red Lobster but I didn’t remember.
March 28th, 2008 at 2:43 pm
Reverse psychology.
March 28th, 2008 at 7:24 pm
I vote for Ryan because Ryan is selious cat.
/smirre