UNEMPLOYMENT

The very word conjures images of stumblebums, have-nots, Top Ramen and public library internet users. But on this day, it finds itself swaddled around the the chroniclers of gladiators and philosopher-kings.

Under the forbidding skies of a cold, harsh March morn, National Football League Films head man Steve Sabol did meet with 21 of his compatriots for a fateful announcement that would forever change the course of history.

After a long, hard season of agonizing twists and turns, and the unforeseen adversity caused by a nation’s terminal indifference to “Inside The NFL,” Sabol was faced with the hardest decision… OF HIS CAREER.


Sabol:
This was a really, really, hard decision.

And as Sabol met with his men that day, he steeled himself, much in the way of the storied ’70s curtain defense as told in fables by rheumy eyed school children, for the crack of bones and the wrenching of viscera.

The general marched into the camp where twenty-one of his finest men awaited his command. Only his command took of the form of a tersely worded statement that their connection to the army that they spent their livelihoods building…would be torn…ASUNDER.


Mike Johnson, Security Guard: They told me I had to meet with Human Resources, and I thought to myself, “They better have fixed my goddamn vision coverage.” Then I saw Sabol was in the office too, and I thought, OH SHIT.

It was here, near the FROZEN SUNDRIES of the 5th floor kitchen, that fate would deal these brave warriors a cruel, losing hand. One by one did the doughty fall prey, having only an uncaring pink slip and their severance pay to show for their years of Herculean toil.

Raymond Tsou, Production Assistant: Dude. It really fucking sucks because, first off, I didn’t see this coming and then I don’t really have any savings built up and, like, I’m in night school right now too, so I gotta pay for that. And my Xbox Gold membership expires next week. What kind of life is playing the computer?

Woe to he who ventures from the field of battle torn, tested and ultimately turned loose. A pauper in his own kingdom, a stranger in his own mind. He takes it all with him, leaves nothing behind.

They would live to face their wives, but they would do so as lesser men.