Oh man. Did you get a look at that contract that Al Davis gave Javon Walker? Six years for $55 million. Ooooh yeah, I bet that felt good. Those days are behind me though. I’m staying clean this year.

But, but, I can’t be content with just hiking ticket prices, concession prices, parking prices and authentic official Redskins Sean Taylor grieving towel prices. I have to put the Snyder imprint on this off-season, with a blockbuster bank-breaking signing that will get woefully optimistic ‘Skins fans expecting 13 wins next season.

[Hyperventilating]

Everybody says I have to be more disciplined this year. We don’t have the cap room. I don’t want the Thetans.

[Grabs newspaper]

Six years, $42 million for Shaun Rogers? With $20 million guaranteed? No fucking way. What are you trying to do to me? Jerry Porter for $30 million? Madieu Williams for $33 million?

BERNARD FUCKING BERRIAN FOR $42 MILLION POTOMAC TREE CHOPPING DOLLARS!?

Aaaahhhhhh ahhhhhh ahhhhhhh AAAAAAHHHHH AAAAAHHHH

I gotta do it. Get the jet. Get the checkbook. Get a couple bullshit Wizards tickets ready. We’ll show them everything D.C. has to offer, even if means showing them around the National Harbor construction site!

[Hands trembles while reaching for phone]

[Snyder slaps hand]

NO! MUST BE PRUDENT THIS YEAR! MUST NOT SIGN ERIC MOULDS TO 8-YEAR, $52 MILLION DEAL!

Gotta argue that puppy down to $48 million. After all, I’m a changed man.