Homerism Regional Final: No. 1 Jet vs. No. 2 Bear. WHO YA GOT?
Bear:
Represented by the UCLA Bruin. If you’re getting a little tired of UCLA winning, as it seems some are, you probably shouldn’t vote for the Bear. Bruins also represent that Boston hockey team, and we know what you all think of Boston.
Stephen Colbert has made the bear out to be a “godless killing machine” and the label has caught on. Remember, though - his tongue is firmly planted in cheek as with all other things. The bear is actually quite devout and not very machine-like at all. They’re actually pretty lazy creatures.
Jet:
Possesses “smart bombs” that frequently miss targets and kill hordes of civilians. Cost to taxpayer via ridiculously bloated Defense Department budget: a cool $30 million. Only as good as the person flying it, which could be Chad Pennington. F-22 Raptor (pictured) not designed as resistant to bear claws (pastry, nor actual claw).
Like Bear, is able to roll around and do tricks for the amusement of yokels. Unlike Bear, requires “Rock You Like a Hurricane” for production value. Also loses points for failure to bomb the galactically stupid self-aggrandizing dipshit Arianna Huffington.
Voting is closed on this contest. The Bear won with 52 percent of the vote.
Tags: The KSK Real NFL Mascot Kill Kill Kill Invitational Tou, xmas ape
March 31st, 2008 at 2:05 pm
As an Emo Eagle, I’m voting against the Jet out of spite.
Also, I’m not nearly as tired of UCLA as I am of Kansas or Duke (yay West Virginia), and the Bruins are the dark-skinned foster child of Boston sports (Seeing as being redheaded up there is a badge of honor… ironically enough, the Bruins probably have the least amount of dark-skinned players on them), so the Bear is okay with me.
March 31st, 2008 at 2:26 pm
This post is too highbrow for me.
March 31st, 2008 at 2:30 pm
chad pennington sucks
you rock me like a hurricane sucks
arianna huffington is pretty hot for a middle aged woman
im going with bear
March 31st, 2008 at 2:33 pm
galatically stupid self-aggrandizing dipshit
Nice turn of phrase, and one that promises to be more than a little useful in the nation’s capital. Bear all the way.
March 31st, 2008 at 2:40 pm
Blasphemy! This is America, our bombs never miss.
That Chinese embassy had it coming.
March 31st, 2008 at 2:41 pm
It’s 70 degrees here in Nashville. Time to take the t-tops of the IROC-Z , pop in the Scorpions, and go for a cruise.
March 31st, 2008 at 2:48 pm
Maureen Dowd’s the only affluent, liberal, derisive old white woman for Ape.
March 31st, 2008 at 2:55 pm
You had me at ‘kill hordes of civilians’
March 31st, 2008 at 3:01 pm
If the jet thinks he can hide from the bear in a tree, he’s sadly mistaken.
Also, is the bear coached by a full sized Ditka, or a mini-Ditka?
March 31st, 2008 at 3:06 pm
galatically stupid self-aggrandizing dipshit
True. But if you’re going to call someone else stupid, try not to misspell the word before it.
March 31st, 2008 at 3:15 pm
Anchorman says it is true: Bears are attracted to period blood. Good thing Ms. Huffington’s 57-year-old snatch dried up a long time ago. Using her stealth advantage, she climbs in the cockpit, then being the dumb bitch she is, crashes the Jet into the Bear, and all the participants are destroyed. Winner: The rest of us.
/”Rock You Like a Hurricane” boosts the production value for EVERYTHING
March 31st, 2008 at 3:16 pm
@ animal mother…
Does it even matter?
March 31st, 2008 at 3:24 pm
self-aggrandizing is spelled correctly in only 2 cases/1. hip hop, 2 when describing huffington..also passes through my spell check..i will defer to the ape on this
March 31st, 2008 at 3:28 pm
ohhhhhhhh..galatically stupid…see http://www.huffingtonpost.com/
March 31st, 2008 at 3:29 pm
I dont see any way the bear could win this matchup without a major fuck up on the jet’s part. How the fuck is the bear winning?
March 31st, 2008 at 3:37 pm
Bear > fleshy living thing. Jet > Bear
March 31st, 2008 at 3:44 pm
Oski > Jet > Joe Bruin
March 31st, 2008 at 3:45 pm
Bear arises from slumber because he hears the jet take off in the distance. With the help of the Chief, they conjur up the soul of the Grizzly Man, who was eaten by the aforementioned bear.
Grizzly man’s soul rises into the air to protect the bears and dives into the body of jet pilot. The possessed jet pilot then vears off and crashes into a mountain, resulting in a bear victory.
March 31st, 2008 at 3:51 pm
@Becky
Thanks alot I’m watching Grizzly Man on my iphone today and I was going to watch the end on my way home, thanks for ruining the ending…bitch.
March 31st, 2008 at 4:04 pm
Can you really be mad about her ruining a 3 year old movie?
Just an FYI, Michael has Fredo killed after kissing him.
March 31st, 2008 at 4:15 pm
@Becky & Drew j
…and let me add
/sarcasm
of course I know what the ending is…I watched Into the Wild the other day and was mad that he didnt get eaten by a bear so I figured I’d finally watch grizzly man.
I’ve got 15 minutes left in the movie, a dry napkin and a bottle of lotion ready to go.
March 31st, 2008 at 6:06 pm
Its a freaking Jet, how is it possibly losing. Bears hav a hard enough time getting picnic baskets/honey, no way it could deal with a jet.
March 31st, 2008 at 6:59 pm
bears=terrible pick
March 31st, 2008 at 9:10 pm
Mildly interesting note: I was the 666th vote for Jet.
March 31st, 2008 at 9:36 pm
No way the jet loses this one and I hate Mangina and Pennington too.
Hey Bear…you can’t win!!!
April 1st, 2008 at 7:47 am
bear. for suuuuure.
April 1st, 2008 at 7:51 am
Obviously, DA BEAR was armed with the Sex Cannon. Jet intakes don’t work too well when gummed with 10,000 gallons of cum.
April 1st, 2008 at 1:16 pm
Bears, 173.
Jets, Negative 12.
Ditka versus God in a game of golf…who wins?
Trick question…Ditka is God.
/continues being the only chicagoan that is not a Bears fan.