Hines Ward Reviews "The Fortune Cookie Chronicles"
Foll numbell one week of Malch, I wark thlew Balnes and Noberr to find Koleean newspapels foll photos of me in inaugulation and stumberr upon histolee book of Chinese food by New York Times reportell Jennifell 8. Rhee.
Yes, reportell midder name is numberr eight, rike numberr eight egg drop soup, so she perfect foll write book. Numberr eight supposed to mean plospellity in Chinese but where I come flom it mean Tommy Maddox. No smirre, asswhore.
Book give intellesting fact rike fortune cookie acterry come from Japan. Japan think of evleething, rike massive lape of Chinese and Koleean peeperr. How they do it?
Book arso say is more Chinese food prace than McDonarrd, Bulgel Kings, and Kentucky Flied Chicken combined in United State. How can be? I go thlough Pittsbulgh and and peeper onree eat sausage and chicken gristerr. I think book terr big rye on that one.
But why onree Chinese though? Koleean food no impoltant? I make kim chi make you smirre foll week and week. Made kim chi othel day and chalge Ben Rongrastname $18 mirrion dorrars foll it. And he pay! So sterrpid.
In concrusion, “Fortune Cookie Chlonicre” in rittle fantastic, not really supel. Have to leed second book after 30 minute. Can onree give Miss. Eight shree smirre.
Tags: hines wald is stirr me favolite steerer, lacist, xmas ape
March 6th, 2008 at 2:07 pm
not “a rittle bit lacist” but full on “lacist” tag.
Nice
March 6th, 2008 at 2:07 pm
Shree Smirre is still pretty damn good. That’s what Comcast cable gives Goldeneye.
March 6th, 2008 at 2:11 pm
Kim Chi arso give Ben Rongrastname luns arr thrr day rrong. Make me smirre more than Bluce Ree acting skirrs in Gleen Holnet.
March 6th, 2008 at 2:11 pm
I know what I am getting for lunch. Egg drop soup here I come.
March 6th, 2008 at 2:13 pm
Wow, a Tommy Maddox reference. That was a blast from the past.
March 6th, 2008 at 2:17 pm
OK, I’ll say it, what the fuck is up with having the #8 as your middle name?
March 6th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
Thanks for the Tommy Maddox reference, although everytime I want to bring him up in conversation, I preface it with the phrase … “Reigning XFL MVP, Tommy Maddox”.
March 6th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
I make kim chi make you smirre foll week and week. Made kim chi othel day and chalge Ben Rongrastname $18 mirrion dorrars foll it. And he pay! So sterrpid. This quote make malmatald smirre and raff.
March 6th, 2008 at 2:39 pm
if you put “RONGRASTNAME” on the back of Ben’s jersey, I don’t think anybody would notice.
March 6th, 2008 at 2:49 pm
OK, I’ll say it, what the fuck is up with having the #8 as your middle name?
Like it says in the post, it means plospellity.
The real irony here is that Jennifer 8. Lee wrote an article for the New York Times a while back about how a minor trend where some parents were naming their kids Nevaeh (Heaven spelled backwards).
“Hey, what’s with the goofy name? Kids deserve good names like Ï€!”
March 6th, 2008 at 2:54 pm
Japan think of evleething, rike massive lape of Chinese and Koleean peeperr. How they do it?
Methinks there’s a Rape of Nanking reference in there somewhere.
March 6th, 2008 at 3:10 pm
I’m still trying to decide if “asswhore” means “asshole” or actually “asswhore.”
March 6th, 2008 at 3:35 pm
Her parents had to name her 8, 7 was already taken.
And wouldn’t Hines plonownce it as nuhmba rate?
March 6th, 2008 at 4:04 pm
Guhh I’ve been all over the Internets and I can’t find the sound clip I’m looking for… but you know which one I’m talking about: that “song” Barney makes with his “Japanese conceptual artist” girlfriend in the barbershop quartet episode that’s just him burping and her saying “numbah eight” over and over.
Sorry. It’s the best I can do.
March 6th, 2008 at 4:11 pm
Revolution 8!
http://number8belch.ytmnd.com/
March 6th, 2008 at 4:20 pm
Golden, as always. I cannot get enough of that picture combined with all your talk of smirres. Does that make me a rittre lacist? I don’t care.
March 6th, 2008 at 4:24 pm
THANK YOU for finding that clip!
Smurphette, I’m sure Hines would be pleased to know that his smirre brings you such joy, regardless of what context that joy comes in.
Of course, we could always respond with an indignant, “Jeez, Ape, that’s just… long.”
But I’m sure he gets that enough as it is.
March 6th, 2008 at 5:02 pm
for that comment futuremrs., christmas ape give you a hundled smirre
March 6th, 2008 at 5:12 pm
Wouldn’t be “clistmas ape give you a hundled smirre”?
March 6th, 2008 at 5:13 pm
Going back to the barbershop quartet episode. You know how you always have that one song that gets stuck in your head for days. For me, that song is “Baby on Board”.
When in law school, while sitting at my desk waiting for my very first final, my buddy Alex looks at me right before beginning the exam and says, “Hey Pepe … baby on board”. I was humming that darn song the entire final. I still don’t remember how I did on that final.
Plus, now I’ll be singing all night while out drinking.
Thanks!
March 6th, 2008 at 6:08 pm
@fmra: You know what they say about really funny guys . . .
/winks for unnecessary emphasis
March 6th, 2008 at 10:50 pm
in the spirit of our favorite oriental:
http://www.engrish.com/detail.php?imagename=excellency-seat.jpg&category=CHINGLISH&date=2007-12-31
March 7th, 2008 at 1:48 am
The number four means nothing to me but the number four means death to Chinese.