Cosmo Said It, So It Must Be True!
Sure this is old news and it’s already been covered pretty extensively in the sports blogosphere and even by the occasional leather fetishists, but it’s never too late to make fun of douchebags. Unless they got cancer, then the window would probably have closed. But I digress…
Tony Romo joined John Mayer and the Original Cocksucker of Comedy, Dane Cook, as this year’s winner of Cosmo’s coveted Fun, Fearless Male award. I have no idea why anyone would consider these douches to be at the apex of fun and fearlessness. Before the event I would have assumed things broke down thusly…
Of course that was before I was aware that Dane and John have both gone spelunking inside of Jessica Simpson’s velvet cave. Not only that, but last year’s winner was Simpson’s ex-reality show co-star/latch-key husband Nick Lachey.
All of this can only mean one thing…
Jessica Simpson’s fuckhole is filled with treacherous booby traps.
Of course I’m just mad because I was overlooked for yet another year. Apparently juggling newborn babies and AIDS infected needles isn’t quite fun and fearless enough for those frilly magazine writing philistines.
Tags: John Mayer is a better comedian than Dane Cook, romosexuals, stupid white people, Unsilent Majority
March 7th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
Original Cocksucker of Comedy, Dane Cook
classic
March 7th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
Hines Walled no rike scene whell Saroth rike Baby Looth.
March 7th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
he rike ice cleam bettah?
March 7th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
Tluffer Shuffer make me smirre
March 7th, 2008 at 12:26 pm
Locky Load
March 7th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
filled with treacherous booby traps?
fine i’ll settle for a blow job and titty fuck
March 7th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
dubber oh negateeev
March 7th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
Drug Dealers wouldn’t be caught dead in those Polyester Rags
March 7th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
you elbowed his lip?
March 7th, 2008 at 12:57 pm
I voted for you, Maj! Nothing says “fun and fearless” like “weed-smoking blogger.”
March 7th, 2008 at 1:00 pm
@Spud… that’s what you get when you look down Andi’s sweater
March 7th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
Douche? See
http://www.geocities.com/j00biethen00bie/douchebag.htm
March 7th, 2008 at 2:14 pm
Hahahaha you see one picture of Short Round and all of a sudden everybody is talking like Hines Ward.
March 7th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
How many men have died
In your dirty hoooooooooolllllllllle?
How many deadmen god (uh huh)
March 7th, 2008 at 3:03 pm
God I hate Cosmo and all its crap. If I ever devolve into the type of girl that takes that glossy pile of garbage seriously, please take me out back and shoot me.
Phew! That was rant-y!
March 7th, 2008 at 4:04 pm
but i thought cosmo was useful for finding the g-spot
March 7th, 2008 at 4:16 pm
And to think, from the title I thought this article dwould be about Cosmo Kramer…
March 7th, 2008 at 4:27 pm
Okee dokey Doca Jones, hold on to your potatoes.
March 7th, 2008 at 5:56 pm
“Jessica Simpson’s fuckhole is filled with treacherous booby traps”
Next summer’s blockbuster:
Indiana Jones and the Snatch of Doom
March 7th, 2008 at 5:58 pm
Marmatard - They often leave out step zero. Which is, “step away from the computer and find a room where there are people who HAVE G-spots.”
Speaking of which…
March 7th, 2008 at 6:06 pm
I subscribe to the Dave Chappelle view of Cosmo. There is no way that a woman who writes for that magazine has the inside scoop on how to please a man, and there certainly aren’t more than 4 things on that list.
March 7th, 2008 at 8:26 pm
Shouldn’t the spot for Jesus be purple?
March 7th, 2008 at 8:37 pm
Bravo futuremrs and smurphette for hating that vapid, vacuous and yeasty vagina rag Cosmo. I happen to think any woman that pays any real attention to that pulp should be drawn and quartered.
March 8th, 2008 at 2:40 am
One look at Helen Gurley Brown should tell you all you need to know about Cosmo. That and the fact that they use the word “fearless” as a descriptor for both John Mayer and Dane Cook. “Fearless” isn’t the first word that comes to mind when I see either of them.