Construda Regional, Round 2: Cowboy Versus Viking — WHO YA GOT?
This intriguing matchup places the generously-seeded #1 Viking against the #4 Cowboy. Winner will face the Chief in the next round, which has to motivate the Cowboy as he steps into the Octagon. Further hindering the morose Norseman: the realization that everything cool about Vikings — horned helmets, skull cups, savage marauding, uncleanliness — is all bullshit. Ouch. Drew didn’t see that one coming.
Poll is on the sidebar to the right. Voting will remain open until the end of the day.
Cowboy___________________Viking
Headwear that lives on at frat parties
Cowboy hat______________Helmet with horns
Attire co-opted by gay community
Chaps___________________________Fur
Projectile Weapons
Pistols, rifle____________Maybe a bow and arrow? Some rocks?
Musical endeavor diminishing tough reputation
“Rhinestone Cowboy”_____________VikingKittens.com
Bastardized icon shaming the legacy
Toby Keith ___________________Techno Viking
Rode
Horses with saddle___________Rape victims bareback
Cause of decline
Homophobia___________Christianity, feudal system
Became pussified when
Jake Gyllenhaal showed up___________Re-enactors adopted them
Modern negative connotation
George Bush’s “cowboy diplomacy”___Shawne Merriman’s “viking date rape”
Finishing move
Blaze of glory, ride off into sunset____Set town ablaze, sail off edge of earth
Tags: captain caveman, The KSK Real NFL Mascot Kill Kill Kill Invitational Tou
March 27th, 2008 at 9:57 am
Real men burn villages.
/replays VikingKittens.com
March 27th, 2008 at 9:59 am
A vote for Vikings is a vote for Leif Garrett.
March 27th, 2008 at 10:03 am
Livestock stealers > livestock tenders
Vikings in a walk
March 27th, 2008 at 10:47 am
Gun powder, chewing to-bacc-ie, bourbon, gambling your last nickel, Syphilitic whores VS. being on a boat with other men for a long period of time.
How is this even close?
March 27th, 2008 at 10:48 am
(To be clear, that was not an endorsement of an alternative lifestyle. I’m voting cowboys.)
March 27th, 2008 at 10:50 am
@ otto man
isn’t cattle rustling livestock stealing?
March 27th, 2008 at 10:51 am
The Cowboys, I’m not sure about cowboys, are everything that is wrong with America. Vikings.
March 27th, 2008 at 11:01 am
clint eastwood is rolling in his grave right now
March 27th, 2008 at 11:06 am
The bullshit factor is bullshit.
The wikipedia article claiming that Vikings weren’t really as savage as Charlemagne leaves out one important fact- namely, that the preferred form of torture/execution in Viking culture was the Blood Eagle, and if “Blood Eagle” isn’t the baddest-ass name for torture, then what the hell is wrong with us?
For those too lazy to follow the link:
It was performed by cutting the ribs of the victim by the spine, breaking the ribs so they resembled blood-stained wings, and pulling the lungs out. Salt was sprinkled in the wounds.
Cowboys were too busy using salt to preserve beef. Vikings in a walk.
March 27th, 2008 at 11:16 am
gotta go with the cowboys:
Buford “Mad Dog” Tannen: Then let’s settle it, right now!
Buford’s Gang Member #1: Uh, not now, Buford. Marshal’s got our guns.
Buford “Mad Dog” Tannen: Like I said, we’ll finish this tomorrow.
Buford’s Gang Member #2: Tomorrow, we’re robbing the Pine City Stage.
Buford “Mad Dog” Tannen: What about Monday? Are we doing anything Monday?
Buford’s Gang Member #1: Uh, no, Monday would be fine. You can kill him on Monday.
Buford “Mad Dog” Tannen: I’ll be back this way on Monday! We’ll settle this then… right there… out in the street… in front of the Palace Saloon!
Marty McFly: Yeah, like when? High noon?
Buford “Mad Dog” Tannen: Noon? I do my killin’ before breakfast! Seven o’clock!
Marty McFly: Eight o’clock. I do my killing after breakfast!
March 27th, 2008 at 11:20 am
this looks to be a barnburner.
The Cowboy can draw and unload a 6-shooter faster than a Viking can unsheath his…whatever.
March 27th, 2008 at 11:27 am
I’m not sure whether vikingkittens or techno viking made me do it, but I gave my vote to the Cowboy.
It’s like Captain Caveman wanted the Viking to lose.
March 27th, 2008 at 11:33 am
Im voting for the cowboys, if for no other reason then i think they can take down th Juggernaut that is the Chief.
March 27th, 2008 at 11:38 am
I don’t care how mean you are or what kind of torture you preform, give me a six shooter and you’re dead before the first groul comes out of your mouth. Cowboy in a landslide.
March 27th, 2008 at 11:58 am
Cowboy has one shot to kill that Viking before he takes a broadaxe in the face.
\votes viking
March 27th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
Fistful of Dollars: the man with no name wins gunfight wearing makeshift bulletproof vest.
Bulletproof vest –> piece of metal slung over the chest
Piece of metal slung over the chest –> viking’s armor
Thus, Viking’s armor < --> Bulletproof vest
Viking wears bulletproof vest
Thus, Viking wins.
March 27th, 2008 at 12:14 pm
The Cowboy is getting totally jobbed. There’s no way the Viking is a 1 seed. Haven’t you people seen the Indiana Jones movies?
/blatant homerism
//wv: maryaj, who’s aj and why should I mary him?
March 27th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
One shot? Most quick gunslingers could get empty the gun before the viking could even raise that axe.
March 27th, 2008 at 12:36 pm
Guns jam. Axes don’t.
Plus, fuck the (C)owboys, Always and forever.
March 27th, 2008 at 12:36 pm
Uh, yeah. . . guns seem to be pretty important
March 27th, 2008 at 1:00 pm
“There are two kinds of people in the world, men with guns and men who dig… you dig”
/Clint is badass, cowboy wins
March 27th, 2008 at 1:37 pm
I’m thinking we’re gonna have a viking funeral in this round, which is probably the greatest contribution that the vikings made to society. I plan on having one when I pass on. What’s more badass than sending the dead off on a burning ship?
Clint wins this round.
March 27th, 2008 at 4:24 pm
@jtp2106 -
What’s more badass than sending the dead off on a burning ship?
How about killing a cowboy?
Still rooting for a Viking-Bear finale.
/viking rules
March 27th, 2008 at 5:09 pm
Cowboys = Bars, Poker, Brothels, Shooting Shit, Shotguns, those badass Sheriff Stars, Campfire Grilling, Clint Eastwood, the Marlboro Man
Vikings = Eating rotted shark carcass that has been preserved by cutting a hole in the ground and pissing on it.
Cowboys win.
March 27th, 2008 at 5:21 pm
How in the world are the Vikings winning this?
Simply looking at the image shows you who would win. How could anyone defeat The Man With No Name?
March 27th, 2008 at 5:48 pm
Sloth,
After looking at the image: you defeat TMWNN by leaping at him from the side with an axe while he’s staring straight ahead lost in thought about how he looks like a badass.
Axe to the head. Never saw it coming
March 27th, 2008 at 7:13 pm
Vikings don’t jump…they haven’t since Randy Moss went to Oakland