Brady Quinn Expects To Compete For Browns’ Starting Job, Affection Of Other Men
When Quinn walked into the green room for the NFL Draft last April, he probably thought he was going to be a top ten pick, maybe even go number one. But he didn’t, as you’ll recall. He went 22nd.
When Charlie Frye shit the bed in Week One, Quinn thought he was probably going to get a huge bump in playing time, maybe even start a few games in his rookie season. But he didn’t. Derek Anderson jumped in and set the NFL ablaze, jump-starting the Browns to a 10-win season, and probably saving Battletoad Crennel’s job in the process.
And when Horse Balls finally got paid in free agency, with guaranteed money nearly double what Quinn is slated to earn, one would suspect that the Columbus, Ohio native had finally learned his place in the League.
Yeah, not so much. He’s expecting an open competition in training camp.
“My whole goal is preparing myself and getting ready to try to take over the starting job and lead this team,” Quinn said Saturday during [sexual intercourse with two other men, three underage boys, and a dalmatian for] an appearance at an auto show.
Browns GM Phil Savage, who’s like Ozzie Newsome, except he’s white and never played in the league, and a lot younger, has Anderson locked in as the starter:
“When you sign a contract like we did with Derek, I don’t think there’s going to be an ‘open [rest stop exit for homosexual athletes to engage in any sort of] competition’,” Browns general manager Phil Savage said. “We go in with Derek as the lead horse. You don’t sign a contract like that and say, ‘hey, it’s an open competition’.”
However, Coach Crennel is insinuating that Brady Lite will get a look:
“You have to [have the occasional sphincter stretching if you expect to get better as a football team or they're gonna bring in some damn white boy to] compete for your job. That’s the same at the quarterback spot [where we have a nice dichotomy between super-masculine and downright Nancified, and then a third guy who I don't know much about]. Both of those guys [and that one girl from Notre Dame] are going to compete and then we’ll see who gives us the best chance. We’ve always done it that way and that’s what we’re going to do [right after I polish off this rack of ribs, some baked beans, slaw, brisket, pork tenderloin and extra-large Barqs root beer. Holy shit, I love root beer].”
I’ll never understand coachspeak.
Tags: brady quinn, brady quinn never had it so good, fat people, i hope Brady Quinn doesn't have a nervous breakdown, MMP
March 3rd, 2008 at 4:40 pm
Brady Quinn-bashing : FutureMrs :: Patriots-hating : everyone else on this site
As long as we’re talking about QBs and people being gay (when are we not, really?), Peter King’s SI article on how Matt Ryan managed to turn heads at the combine without really doing a damn this suggests he may be leaving Favre for a new trophy quarterback…
March 3rd, 2008 at 4:41 pm
“We’re going in with Derek as the lead horse[balls].”
March 3rd, 2008 at 4:41 pm
“damn this” = “damn thing”
Sorry.
March 3rd, 2008 at 4:42 pm
I believe Bob Dylan said it best:
Nobody can get no sleep,
There’s someone on ev’ryone’s toes
But when Quinn the Eskimo gets here,
Ev’rybody’s gonna wanna doze.
Come all without
Come all within,
You’ll not see nothing
Like the mighty Quinn.
March 3rd, 2008 at 4:46 pm
I liked this quote from Savage in King’s MMQB on the Anderson deal:
“”The war that we won was the three-year deal,” said Savage. “We didn’t have to sign him for four or five years. And we still keep the Brady Quinn flame alive.”
The Brady Quinn flame? Flame on my friend, flame on…
March 3rd, 2008 at 4:48 pm
@otto man:
You know some asshole journalist and the whole city of Cleveland is just waiting to use that reference and song.
I hope that day never comes.
March 3rd, 2008 at 4:48 pm
@Otto – I’m freaking out man.
March 3rd, 2008 at 4:54 pm
Nice to see that KSK can move so easliy from guns to gays and not skip a beat. Paradise, simply paradise.
March 3rd, 2008 at 5:08 pm
@ chris
you are freaking out…man
March 3rd, 2008 at 5:33 pm
The Battletoad comparison always makes me giggle, without fail.
March 3rd, 2008 at 5:38 pm
I always wonder what Romeo Crennel’s parents envisioned their baby growing up looking like when they gave him his name…
March 3rd, 2008 at 5:51 pm
This is the greatest post in the history of blogs.
March 3rd, 2008 at 5:59 pm
@ quiet strength
THAT was cold. VERY cold.
March 3rd, 2008 at 6:11 pm
QS, I’m assuming they thought he’d weigh as much as an Alfa Romeo.
March 3rd, 2008 at 6:47 pm
Brady is tired of having to compete for the love of another man.
March 3rd, 2008 at 8:01 pm
Barqs has bite
March 3rd, 2008 at 8:36 pm
http://duelingcouches.blogspot.com/
up to min sports blog
March 3rd, 2008 at 9:00 pm
Speaking of Horse Balls,
http://www.horseballs.com
Despite the URL, it’s SFW and completely hilarious. Be sure to watch the videos. SFW. I swear.
March 3rd, 2008 at 9:22 pm
@larry b
Hilarious doesn’t even start to describe it.
From the products page: BigBall(TM) and BiggerBall(TM) for training or recreation.
And the pictures of the 2 girls under Horseballs(R) accessories… file under Catherine the Great?
@no one in general but should keep the haterade flowing
And Randy Moss resigned with the Patriots for 3 years
March 3rd, 2008 at 10:06 pm
formarly Pain-therfan:
I’m working on something here. I need help. Some chick, or dude is trying to scam me off a dating website…I want to have some fun. I need myspace friends…I hate that fucking thing but this could be fun…She has put up a page specifically to help in the con, and I am going to flirt at her from all angles…poon hound is first, followed by unusually nice, almost gay guy then normal guy…any help would be great…thanks guys
progile:phranklydontgivadam
March 3rd, 2008 at 10:34 pm
I’m sure the second Subway saw Anderson’s new contract they immediately contacted Quinn for another commercial… he sure loves the footlongs on white bread.
@futuremrsrickankiel-
Really, Rick Ankiel? Is it just you or are all Boston fans already looking for the next former Cardinal outfielder to grossly overpay?
March 3rd, 2008 at 10:45 pm
I hope you don’t have a nervous breakdown with Brady serves you a shitburger to eat and takes Andersons job.
March 4th, 2008 at 12:13 am
Good luck treating the hemmorroids from riding the bench Brady. I hear the scout team is pretty damn competitive.
March 4th, 2008 at 12:21 am
I hope thenaturalmevs is a big proofreads his aggressive comments before in the future submitting. Yay Brady!
June 23rd, 2008 at 3:48 pm
[...] is using Brady Quinn’s image without his consent– or not. Maybe he is getting a piece of the action. If so, good for [...]
July 18th, 2008 at 9:58 am
[...] for gay dating web sites. [Aside: If that was the gayest picture they could find, they obviously weren’t looking very hard. While gossip site TMZ may consider this tidbit to be an exclusive, similar news could be [...]
November 17th, 2008 at 3:33 am
EAT IT BIATCHES!
March 1st, 2009 at 5:16 pm
my God, i thought you were going to chip in with some decisive insght at the end there, not leave it with
April 9th, 2009 at 4:45 pm
An interesting view of the automotive industry. Where do you see the future of the industry, will it ever recover or will there be major casulties?