Better Know A Draft Pick: Matt Ryan
Welcome back to another year of Better Know A Draft Pick. Leading up to the draft we’ll profile all the top prospects that are worth knowing.
Name: Matt Ryan
Nickname: Matty Ice
Easy Reasons to Hate Him Sight Unseen: Did you see that fucking nickname? Then there’s the issue of the two first names. I bet he enjoys a good balcony party.
Height: Plenty
Weight: Enough
Arm: Yes.
Speed: No.
Head: Wicked clevah!
Intangibles: Still unquantifiable.
Urine Sample: Golden.
Stool Sample: Smooth under extreme pressure.
Blood Sample: Blue.
Mainstream Comparison: Tom Brady
KSK Comparison: Joe from Team America
Best Known For: Overblown comebacks, beating crappy teams in bowl games, padding stats against really crappy teams, and leadership.
Who Wants Him: Kansas City loves his ability to win games for bad teams.
Who Will Take Him: Atlanta loves him because he’s safer than your girlfriend’s gay shopping buddy.
Hobbies: 94, 51, 56, and the one on the far right…
Campus Hangout: Planned Parenthood
Favorite Food: Chowdah!
Story ESPN Will Shove Down Your Throat: He’s from small-town Pennsylvania, he attended a prestigious Quaker high school, he attended a prestigious Catholic college, and he emits a distinct odor of apple pie.
Immediate Impact: Jersey sales amongst downtrodden fans.
Down the Road: Another generic disappointment.
Tags: Better Know a Draft Pick, Matt "Matty Ice" Ryan, quarterbacks, Unsilent Majority, very white people
March 21st, 2008 at 12:10 pm
Wow, this got buried quick.
I hope the Dolphins take him. That way Pats fans can cheer for Adalius Thomas to sack a nice white boy from Boston College. And then, Foxboro stadium will implode.
March 21st, 2008 at 12:30 pm
I hear the skins are in need of a QB…what’s that, they’ve already got Lionel Richie running the offense? My point exactly.
/piling on the Redskin hate
March 21st, 2008 at 12:45 pm
“Safer than your girlfriend’s gay shopping buddy.”
Well done guys! That and as a BC fan the whole Matty Ice nickname always annoyed me. Why were we insultly our guy?
March 21st, 2008 at 12:51 pm
so what you’re telling me is that repressed catholic blue chip quarterbacks are prone to promiscuous behavior with blond and/or slender young ladies in short-shorts? I’m sure the young ladies at BC are too clever to fall for that angle.
March 21st, 2008 at 2:47 pm
it would take a lot of his moniker’s namesake for me to hit 56. She’s not well in the face.
April 11th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
Lazer, you’re a filthy liar.
March 23rd, 2009 at 8:20 am
Very nice Atlanta Falcons information. I hope to be in Atlanta for a game this summer.
March 23rd, 2009 at 9:52 am
Very nice Miami Dolphins information. I hope to be in Miami for a game this fall.