Wild Tigers Hines Has Known
In day past, I no want watch Plo Bewrr with sterrpid Ben Rongrastname flowing barrs to T.J. Rongrastname. Ben take wiff him arr rhinemen to Plo Bewr but they no brock for him arr season and he have high numbel sack. But no take leceivel? I think he head is firred with wind and ghosts.
I spend day looking at animerr in zoo to leerax. Foll some lesion, animerr not in smirre mood. Maybe because Tom Brady was made terr reave foll teasing monkeys.
What matter, Ryan? You all selious cat arr the time! I thought Ryan king of jungerr. Or numbel shree team in NFC North. You finish more high than Berrrs. You make smirre now! Prease!
What is with animerr today? Monkey is s’posed to be jubirrant and prayferr. You rook rike you contemprating gleat mystelies of rife. Rife is no mystalee. To riv is terr smirre.
Why rong face, Misser Errepants? Harr. I make fun for you! No rhett chain of opplession bling you down. At reast ivory deerer no interested in you.
Arr light! I rike you, Misser Birry Goat. You have the spilit to rift me out of dordlums. Rest of animerr need be rike you. We be friend before Kyerr Olton stearr youl neck beald.
I give you smirre in leeturn!
Zookeeper: Hey! Help! Security! One of the billy goats has gotten loose!
Hines: No. I think you in mistake! Prease leemove hands flom me. Where you take me?
Herrrp!
Tags: hines wald is stirr me favolite steerer, i only did this because a reader sent us the picture of, little bit racist, xmas ape
February 11th, 2008 at 4:01 pm
“To riv is terr smirre.”
that is the most profound thing anyone has said about anything ever
February 11th, 2008 at 4:02 pm
Damn zookeepers and their profiling ways.
February 11th, 2008 at 4:06 pm
Good thing they got Brady out of there before he made it to the billy goat pen…
February 11th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
“I think he head is firred with wind and ghosts.”
Wow. Now if you can just animate Hines’ thoughts in a way that resembles an acid trip, we’d have another Spirited Away on our hands.
February 11th, 2008 at 4:19 pm
/shrow crap
February 11th, 2008 at 4:22 pm
I hope he didn’t dlive to zoo.
Can you only get into a half accident? Maybe a mixed one?
/apologizing for lack of ancestral worship
February 11th, 2008 at 5:12 pm
Rack of comments no make me smirre.
February 11th, 2008 at 5:15 pm
I showed this to my asian friend and he…. oh who am i kidding, i wouldn’t befriend an asian, but i guess I would visit one at the zoo if the weather was nice and the exhibit looked interesting.
February 11th, 2008 at 5:19 pm
and yes by “zoo exhibit” i meant piano/violin/math recital
February 11th, 2008 at 5:25 pm
Off Season Adventures of Michael Vick…you’ve been put on notice.
February 11th, 2008 at 5:45 pm
Raffing hyenas tlying too hald.
February 11th, 2008 at 5:45 pm
Ape, ya know…the goat looks a lot like Hines Ward/ Funny because true
February 11th, 2008 at 5:53 pm
“Rife is no mystalee. To riv is terr smirre.”
This floored me. I had to drop what I was doing in order to reexamine my life. I too much flown, not enough smirre.
February 11th, 2008 at 6:26 pm
Rack of comments no make me smirre.
Beclaws takee me fo owls to undelstands.
But makee me smirre.
February 11th, 2008 at 6:27 pm
You have quite a gift, Ape. I make smirre follest of day!
February 11th, 2008 at 6:41 pm
Smirre, Ape, tuln that flown uhside down :)
February 11th, 2008 at 6:58 pm
Post make me smirre. And clack up in crass. Shit!
February 11th, 2008 at 7:09 pm
Ape, someday I wirr get filed from my job for leading this. But it’s okay, I stirr smirre rots!
February 11th, 2008 at 7:28 pm
You know what the funniest thing is about these posts, Ape? If an Asian person were to read it verbatim, it’d sound perfectly normal. Why don’t they just do that with everything they read out loud?
February 11th, 2008 at 7:38 pm
@ jl white
for the same reason Chieng ming wang is spelled “wang” but pronounced “wong”, “Yi” is pronounced “E” and “Xiang” could be “shang,” “zyang,” “chang,” or “good day,” someone decided long ago that even though japan, china, and korea don’t have an alphabet, we won’t spell thing phonetically and instead just make up whatever sound we want for our own bloody letters, thus, it may say “smile” but after all the other crazy pronunciations, they get confused and instead give you a gleat big smirre
February 11th, 2008 at 8:12 pm
i no get it? hines no visit pandar berr?
February 11th, 2008 at 8:36 pm
Hines no rike panda berr beclaws of Supel Bowr Commelciar. It make him Ang Lee
February 11th, 2008 at 8:48 pm
Xmas Ape, I am your hugest fan, but Hines Ward isn’t quite as good as your genius Marmalard or Pats-taunting posts.
Please tell us there will be Marmalard in the near future. I miss him already.
February 11th, 2008 at 9:50 pm
@john
Carr me clazy but I rike these posts even mole than Malmarald
Buh I do wan some Malmarald soon, Ape.
February 11th, 2008 at 10:31 pm
That pic of Hines smirring gets me evely time.
February 11th, 2008 at 11:01 pm
What about a book of “Hines say…” tidbits of wisdom?
For example “Hines say…Man who frow intooshepshun bound to recieve tlash on rawn”
February 11th, 2008 at 11:35 pm
@Kyle321n:
+1 Ang Lee
Hines Ward Wisdom:
Thror right side fierd OK
Thror reft side fierd OK
Thror dowr middr fierd get crush rike grape.
February 11th, 2008 at 11:42 pm
Zookeeper! Zookeeper! Those monkeys are killing each other!
February 11th, 2008 at 11:52 pm
as much as i’d like to preserve my hard-to-get facade…
i smirre.
it feels so good to smirre again.
February 12th, 2008 at 12:23 am
The hines ward posts are by far my favorite out of everything….please, at least once a week.
me smire when i lead about hines wald
February 12th, 2008 at 1:30 am
Shouldn’t these be tagged: I’m sulle he’s a wondelfurre leceivel?
February 12th, 2008 at 5:14 am
These are twice as funny if you say all the lines aloud in your best Kim Jong Il/City Wok voice.
Kim Jong Il: It will be 911 times 2356.
Chris: My God, that’s… I don’t even know what that is!
Kim Jong Il: Nobody does!
February 12th, 2008 at 5:37 am
Someone has bid EIGHT THOUSAND DOLLARS on the Urtard’s Moss jersey.
I don’t care if the money goes to charity. That’s just fucked up.
February 12th, 2008 at 8:37 am
sweet god i love the quasi racist hines ward posts
February 12th, 2008 at 11:42 am
When I go to Herr – and I rill – I loowd vellee much likee irf this be one of most top ten leasons they keep me so deep and so rong in Herr.
– Ballnee
Smireesmiree, PA.
February 12th, 2008 at 12:39 pm
I nearly cried laughing at this, especially the smiring part at the end.
Kudos, Chlistmas Ape
February 12th, 2008 at 8:39 pm
God damn that was funny.
Times like this make me rue the day DHS blocked all *.blogspot sites from work.
Kudos X-mas Ape!
February 12th, 2008 at 11:22 pm
I get most of these, but what the heck is a “lomorovescock”?
February 14th, 2008 at 10:15 am
It took me a while to figure out what “Plo Bewr” was, but now I’m laughing so hard I’m crying.
February 15th, 2008 at 2:17 am
I swear I can’t read these. I need an English to Chinglish dictionary or something.
And it has nothing to do with me having a case of Jungle Fever for Hines. Or is it Yellow Fever?