The Patriots’ Black Fan Reacts to the Contract Offer to Zach Thomas
SAUSAGES
SAUSAGES
OLD WHITE LINEBACKERS
SAUSAGES
SAUSAGES
ALL ASANTE’S FAULT
SAUSAGES
SAUSAGES
SAUSAGES
MORE WHITE PLAYERS FROM THE DOLPHINS
SAUSAGES
SAUSAGES
SAUSAGES
OLD WHITE LINEBACKERS
SAUSAGES
SAUSAGES
STOP BEATING ME
SAUSAGES
Tags: nothing but the dog in me, old people, the black pats fan, xmas ape
February 19th, 2008 at 3:35 pm
I heard they tried to get Ray Nitschke first, but were informed he’d been dead for a decade.
The Raiders promptly signed him.
February 19th, 2008 at 3:40 pm
The Raiders also tried to sign Fidel Castro, but it turns out he only played baseball.
The Redskins promptly signed him.
February 19th, 2008 at 3:42 pm
“How long on those sausages, Charlie?”
“Five minutes, Turkish.”
“You said it was two minutes five minutes ago….”
February 19th, 2008 at 3:51 pm
The Raiders also made a surprise move by signing free agent Johnny Utah. Utah as you remember last played for Ohio State in the Rose Bowl leaving the game earlier with a blown knee.
February 19th, 2008 at 3:53 pm
smurphette : turkish :: “black fan” : sausages
February 19th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
don’t you mean “snausages”?
February 19th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
BACON!
February 19th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
Are you sure there’s only ONE?
February 19th, 2008 at 4:22 pm
How come Roethy didn’t make the all meast team?
February 19th, 2008 at 4:23 pm
NO, IT’S NOT SNAUSAGES! THAT’S A DIFFERENT COMMERCIAL! CLICK THE GODDAMN LINK!
February 19th, 2008 at 4:25 pm
my bad, it appears I have angered the Ape and we all know an angry Ape is a good Ape.
February 19th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
Even the black Patriots fans wear white player jerseys.
February 19th, 2008 at 4:40 pm
Someone needs to tell Ape that, these days, decaf coffee can be just as tasty as the real thing.
February 19th, 2008 at 4:41 pm
Could it be that Ape is just a little overwrought about the presidents’ race tryouts yesterday? I guess he didn’t make the cut. But it’s true, the Gay Mafia gets exponentially more hilarious the angrier they are.
February 19th, 2008 at 4:55 pm
Not to defend the Douchebag Nation, or anything, but the Pats have done more over the last year or so than just acquire white guys from the Miami Dolphins. They also traded for Randy Moss, and…..he’s blacker than Snoop Dogg’s scottish terrier.
Randy Moss is black y’all. Randy Moss is blackity black y’all, and he’s blacker than black y’all. He’s black black blackidy black cuz he’s black and he’s BACK!
(Actually, he’s not back, because he’ll probably be waived/traded/lynched soon, since the Pats didn’t win the Super Bowl.)
/rittle lacist
February 19th, 2008 at 5:07 pm
/finding it weird that Snoop Doggy Dogg and George W. Bush have the same dog…
February 19th, 2008 at 5:11 pm
Is that a Border Collie? If so, say hello to the smartest Patriots fan in the world.
February 19th, 2008 at 5:13 pm
I still might make the cut, but probably won’t once they figure out who the guy is that’s writing about the tryout on a widely read blog.
February 19th, 2008 at 5:23 pm
Yeah, just saw the Deadspin post.
“Hill staffers I want to garrote with piano wire.” Yikes. I hope I don’t fall within that group, but I can’t begrudge you the sentiment since I feel the same way about many of my colleagues.
February 19th, 2008 at 5:32 pm
It’s like FutureMrs. with the Pats fans, smurphette – you’re one of the good ones. You coming to Deadspin reading on Thrs.?
February 19th, 2008 at 5:44 pm
Ha, thanks. Being grouped with futuremrs is not a bad place to be. I’m definitely going to the book signing if I can get off work in time. Even if it is in Georgetown.
February 19th, 2008 at 6:36 pm
Wehah veyey much admiye your mistah Rincoln.
February 19th, 2008 at 7:01 pm
And just like the Patriots, he left something on the carpet.
February 19th, 2008 at 7:11 pm
I just read the Ape story at Deadspin.
He’ll save children, but not the British children, indeed.
+ eleventy
February 19th, 2008 at 8:25 pm
It’s definitely not snausages UU, it’s this.
Watch Ape go 0 to pissed in 3.5 seconds.
BWAHAHAHA.
February 19th, 2008 at 8:30 pm
What about the Patriot’s Nicaraguan fans? What? They got T-shirts?
February 19th, 2008 at 9:54 pm
Okay, okay, the reaction was a little much, but only because Ufford had made the same mistake a few minutes earlier.
February 19th, 2008 at 10:26 pm
wait… but so, if the link isn’t to the snausages commercial, what could it possibly be to? I didn’t click the link, but I’m just going to assume it is, in fact, snausages… It’s snausages, right?
February 19th, 2008 at 10:47 pm
behm77 – the nicaraguan fans make the t-shirts. and they don’t understand the complexity of futbol americano.
February 19th, 2008 at 11:52 pm
@ Dan
CLEARLY you don’t know sarcasm when you hear it. The NFL sent Patriots 19-0 (snicker) gear to Nicaragua. But you are correct, they do not understand American football (other than the “keek ball, get check” part).
February 20th, 2008 at 12:36 am
The irony of it all…
Not only are those 19-0 shirts made in Nicaragua, but the poor little children get to wear their own handiwork with the NFL equivalent of Dewey defeats Truman until those shirts get ruined in a drug-related drive by.
February 20th, 2008 at 1:01 am
…or drug related horse-and-buggy-by. We’re talking the Nic’, after all.
@ behm – sarcasm is the highest form of humor.
February 20th, 2008 at 7:32 am
@ Dan
Not that you care, but I think satire is the higest form of humor. Sarcasm is just a$$hattery disguised as whatever the author decides he or she wants it to be AFTER the fact; that way they have a ready made excuse for said sarcasm not hitting the mark.
February 20th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
It’s fucking hard as hell to get mad at the endless Patriot bashing when I’m too busy laughing. Damned incompatible emotions.
February 21st, 2008 at 3:28 pm
loooolll
may the patriots/boston bashing never end
February 21st, 2008 at 5:22 pm
I guess the “black fan” didn’t care that the line let Osi be Osi on Tom Brady.