We’re way too cool to attend the NFL Combine/Sausage Festival, but our spies are lurking behind ever corner…and safety. The following are snippets of conversations overheard by said spies.

Peter King to Joe Flacco…
“If you want to get anywhere in this league you’ll start answering my text messages, young man.”

Roger Goodell to Zygi Wilf…
“I’d be scouting a new left tackle if I were you.”

Unknown media member…

“Sure, I appreciate Mayock’s attention to detail, but he should leave the rectal exams to the doctors.”

Michael David Smith…
“If you talk to Rob King tell him I said hi, and ask if him he got the fruit basket.”

Bob Kraft into cellphone…
“Mike Haht? Fahk that daaahkie, I just watched that Jacob Hestah smoke his ass. We don’t even need Mahs, we’ll just play the Hestah kid at wideout. He looks like he’s wicked smaht and hahd werkin. I’m tellin’ ya, if we line Welkah up opposite Hestah we can’t fackin’ lose!”

Mike Florio to a janitor…
“Can I cite you as an unnamed source?”

Unknown player…
“This is whole thing is a bit Kevin Spacey, if you know what I’m sayin’.”

We know what you’re saying, unknown player, we know.

SUPER SEXY UPDATE:

Darren McFadden into cellphone…
“Nah baby, you can’t get pregnant if you do it in the butt.”