KSK’s Valentine to… Suzy Kolber
Suzy, no one would blame you if you had a crummy Valentine’s Day. You have to be feeling down in the dumps right now. Here you are with a shortie on the way and ESPN is kicking you unceremoniously to the curb. We think that is a total load of bull flop. You should hire that guy from Boston Legal and sue their asses good. He’ll show them that you can’t push Suzy around and get away with it.
But we don’t want to cure your legal woes; we want to mend your broken heart. We can come over and fix you a nice dinner. (We have a kickass spaghetti recipe.) Fudgie the Whale for dessert. Then it’s Backrub City and Grey’s Anatomy!
People say we’re crazy. They say Suzy hates the dick, and we’re just wasting our time. Well Suzy, we’re cool with your life-choices. In fact, if asked, we would be willing to pretend to be Jodie Foster or k.d. lang.
Happy Valentines Day Suzy, if you ever, EVER change your mind– give us a call. We’ll be waiting by the phone.
Tags: if you are behind this Kornheiser then we will be on yo, suzy, valentines
February 14th, 2008 at 10:07 am
People say we’re crazy. They say Suzy hates the dick, and we’re just wasting our time.
I think you stand a chance with the spaghetti dinner.
Unless “Tangy” Italian doesn’t mean what I think it means.
February 14th, 2008 at 10:09 am
Hey, she just married some guy. Though he might be a eunuch…
February 14th, 2008 at 10:15 am
That was the sweetest thing I have ever read.
/Explains why he’s single.
February 14th, 2008 at 11:07 am
The “tangy” is what got it classified as a date rape drug.
/BDD you tell her good: No South Americans, No Eastern Europeans, and no guys that won’t at least pop for Buca Di’ Beppos
February 14th, 2008 at 11:19 am
How the hell is Namath supposed to hit on her now?
February 14th, 2008 at 11:21 am
So she’s not even part of the NASCAR coverage anymore?
/barely resisting urge to make terrible “pole” joke
February 14th, 2008 at 11:30 am
damn straight, tech n9ne, buca’s is the shit.
February 14th, 2008 at 11:31 am
Aw, you guys are just too sweet. Take your namesake out for a delightful dinner and then what ever happens in Vegas………
/stays in Vegas
February 14th, 2008 at 11:34 am
Fudgie the Whale? Suzy’s a Cookie Puss girl if I ever saw one.
February 14th, 2008 at 11:46 am
I want to kiss you.
February 14th, 2008 at 11:54 am
Suzy is gay? Holy shit I need to read the paper more. No wonder Joe couldn’t hit that.
February 14th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
No wonder Joe couldn’t hit that.
In the state he was in, Joe couldn’t have hit Broadway.
February 14th, 2008 at 12:08 pm
This is a truly lovely sentiment. Happy Valentine’s Day, indeed.
February 14th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
Oh scissor me!
February 14th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
Can we get a vial of sperm and an applicator that looks like Jodie Foster’s knuckle?
February 14th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
@twoeightnine
Scissor me timbers!
February 14th, 2008 at 12:44 pm
Maybe Suzy can now be the sports person on the Ellen show or something.
Cheap shot, I know.
February 14th, 2008 at 1:19 pm
now this “we” you refer to that will be on Kornheiser’s ass…is this the “we” we, or the royal we?
February 14th, 2008 at 1:58 pm
Denny Crain would totaly hit that.
February 14th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
Andrea looks like a fucking troll. She scares me whenever she is on the sidelines reporting. I always have to get up and throw up a little whenever she is on.
wv: dwkuwpv - exactly what I sound like when she comes on the TV.
February 14th, 2008 at 3:32 pm
Dear god. The comments on that FanHouse article make me want to curl up in the corner and weep softly for humanity.
February 14th, 2008 at 3:56 pm
I can’t tell which one is more disturbing:
“bitches don’t belong on the football field”
or
“Pam Oliver is HOT!!!”
February 14th, 2008 at 3:58 pm
Pam Oliver ain’t hot???
Well fuck me runnin’! You all just haven’t seen her from her good side. Badonkadonk.
February 14th, 2008 at 5:04 pm
one less female for tirico to grab-ass
February 14th, 2008 at 8:12 pm
She’s no lesbo, smell my finger.