A Bettors Christmas
Welcome to a Super special edition of Always Be Covering. It’s that time. It’s the Super Bowl…
Fuck.
I really wish this day had never come.
There’s no doubt that it’s a day to be celebrated, but it also reminds us of what we’ll be missing.
No, I’m not talking about the Super Bowl. I’m obviously talking about the debut of Prescription Vending Machines in the state of California.
Holy crap, this is brilliant. Now I’m not saying that I partake in the whole marijuana thing, but as a Libertarian I am quite pleased. Sure these marijuana dispensers require a prepaid card linked to a doctor’s prescription along with a fingerprint identification, but migraines seem pretty common these days. But why are they so far away?
Anyways, let’s get on to the bet of the year…
I don’t really feel like going back into the archives to see how many teasers I’ve lost this year, but I trust one of you fuckwads will take up the task yourselves. Yeah, teasers are crappy bets and I still don’t fucking care.
Am I some sort of expert gambler?
No.
Have I won any money this season?
Probably not.
Do I sound like David Lookner?
Absolutely!
Alright, fuck it all. Here’s the bet…
New England -5.5 vs. New York
Total Score Over 48.5
Yep, it’s that easy. Enjoy the game everybody. Oh, and don’t bother with work on Monday. That’s for the womenfolk.
So help me God, the first person who comments to tell me I got the line wrong will have the corpse of their most recently deceased relative violated in a most unseemly manor.
Image via America’s Next Pot Model
Tags: Always Be Covering, degenerate behavior, teasers are fucking stupid, Unsilent Majority, weed
February 1st, 2008 at 11:27 am
UM, have you looked into relocating to California ?
February 1st, 2008 at 11:30 am
UM, you got the line wrong.
It’s “Holy fucking crap, this is brilliant.”
February 1st, 2008 at 11:31 am
Thanks for reminding me to take Monday off
February 1st, 2008 at 11:43 am
Roethlisberger looks good in that suit.
February 1st, 2008 at 11:44 am
Die. Seriously.
February 1st, 2008 at 11:45 am
im in love with that first picture
February 1st, 2008 at 11:53 am
I like to drop my meds on the floor so that they can achieve their maximum flavor potential
February 1st, 2008 at 11:53 am
“…violated in a most unseemly manor.”
What’s the condition of the house have to do with it?
February 1st, 2008 at 11:54 am
Now I’m not saying that I partake in the whole marijuana thing
Partake? No. Smoke? Yeah.
February 1st, 2008 at 11:59 am
I thought the line was like 14! You got it wrong, fat boy.
February 1st, 2008 at 12:02 pm
You got the over/under wrong too. Where’d you find it at 54.5?
February 1st, 2008 at 12:05 pm
The lines are from Bodog, as of last night when I placed my bet.
February 1st, 2008 at 12:06 pm
Is that another picture of Schorno?
February 1st, 2008 at 12:06 pm
no
February 1st, 2008 at 12:14 pm
I thought gambline was illegal? Are the Sports Guy’s podcasts lying?
February 1st, 2008 at 12:43 pm
The vending machines should give you a big-ass bag of Nacho Cheese Doritos with each “prescription”.
February 1st, 2008 at 12:46 pm
“…violated in a most unseemly manor.”
They wanted to violate it in stately Wayne Manor, but the damned butler wouldn’t let them in.
February 1st, 2008 at 12:51 pm
i hate you guys.
February 1st, 2008 at 12:54 pm
Don’t you mean you haight us?
February 1st, 2008 at 12:58 pm
Wait… what? That was like… wait…
CaliFORNia, maaannnnnn
February 1st, 2008 at 12:59 pm
Don’t you mean you haight us?
OK, that was pretty fucking funny.
February 1st, 2008 at 1:14 pm
I love this site like a son that pays his own tuition, but for the very first time I think you tripped up on where something premiered.
Pot vending machines is most definitely KSK territory. Or stomping grounds. Or grist for your doper mills. But there is NO WAY the proper (paid product placement?) of said device shouldn’t have been in a Michael Vick post FIRST. Those two were made for each other.
– Barney
Maximumwithdrawel, PA.
ps. – I like how that boy looks kinda like the Monolith from 2001. You know – if your depth perception is kinda fucked up…
February 1st, 2008 at 1:29 pm
i think UM is the future me in some sort of time loop
jew who thinks hesblack
wizards fan who loves gilbert
libertarian
but hes funny
February 1st, 2008 at 2:03 pm
Everyone knows “libertarian” just means a Republican who smokes weed, just as everyone knows “congressman” just means a Republican who smokes pole.
February 1st, 2008 at 2:07 pm
@ otto man
and doesn’t hate gays
February 1st, 2008 at 2:36 pm
SECRETLY doesn’t hate gays but claims to publicly so he can still get the votes from the over 50 AARP crowd
February 1st, 2008 at 3:18 pm
@ Otto:
AKA Wide Stance Republican
February 1st, 2008 at 3:31 pm
Fuck, how are those vending machines not in the bay area yet? And how the hell did I know know about something called America’s Pot Model? I’m slipping in my old age.
February 1st, 2008 at 3:35 pm
i’m not that kind of libertarian. i’m the kind that can’t seem to identify with any other group.
February 1st, 2008 at 3:36 pm
…meaning i don’t work at the Cato Institute.
February 1st, 2008 at 3:51 pm
…meaning i don’t work at the Cato Institute.
Judging from the video, you could work at the Kato Kaelin Institute.
I kid, I kid.
As far as not identifying with any other group, whatever happened to the whole “wishes he were black” angle?
February 1st, 2008 at 3:53 pm
for the record, i don’t think i’m black, and i’ve never explicitly wished to be black. i just happen to like black people.
February 1st, 2008 at 4:10 pm
So you’re not a Pats fan?
February 3rd, 2008 at 4:44 pm
aw come on, no one’s gonna do the legwork on UM’s teaser history this year? hes lost me a couple dollars, i know.