You Know, When I Look Back At It All, I Wish I Had More Time
NFC 3rd Seed — Seattle Seahawks (10-6)
Mike Holmgren: I know this: At the end of the season, I am very much wiped out. You play your last game and you fall apart. You get a cold, you get all screwed up. The losses, and I’ve said this, are much harder than 10 years ago for me. Much harder. I lose my patience, I get more angry.
Matt Hasselbeck: Quick, coach! I need a playcall! 2nd and 3! 2nd and 3! I’ve got the Redskins defense flummoxed with my elaborate disguise.
Holmgren: Oh, lost bucket. Have I truly abandoned all hope of finding you in my silly quest for gridiron success? How many years has it been? 10? 15? I remember you cylindrical shape as though I were wrapping my flippers around it now.
Deion Branch: C’mon, coach. Play clock is running out!
Hasselbeck: Perhaps I shall capture fair maiden and bind her to the train tracks with this section of rope? That will leave her woefully imperiled by a likely death by locomotive! Mwahahahaha!
Holmgren: When one reaches an advanced age such as I have, it dawns on you all the experiences you may have missed while tilting at the windmills of life. When I think of all the things I’ve yet to eat, all the buffets I’ve yet to buffet with my jaws…
Marcus Pollard: Fuck! We just got six delay a’ game penalties!
12th Man Flag: [flaps in breeze in manner that sounds like booing]
Hasselbeck: Perhaps Master Wayne is in need of his morning abultions. I say, for a crime-fighting mastermind, one would think he could properly bathe himself. In all my years…
Holmgren: I was chatting with Brett Favre the other day. It’d been a while since we caught up. He was telling me about all the wondrous things about retirement and how I should never think of doing them so I can hang around for another decade and torture my team’s fans.
Shaun Alexander: All this standing around has got me tired out. Can we just form a pile so I can dive into it?
Hasselbeck: You know, perhaps I should just do away with this silly playoff beard. I doesn’t seem to be doing me a lick of good.
Ben Roethlisberger: YU CAWL THA PLAYLOFT BEERD? HARF HARF HARF HARF
credit Sportable for the Hasselbeck pic
January 3rd, 2008 at 2:37 pm
Jesus, that’s the worst mustache I’ve ever seen. He needs a 3″ long pinky nail to go with it.
January 3rd, 2008 at 2:38 pm
Still, it’s good to see John Waters is finally getting into shape.
January 3rd, 2008 at 2:39 pm
Hass looks like Harvey Korman with that stache.
January 3rd, 2008 at 2:40 pm
What the hell does CC doe around here anymore?
He can’t even share his comedic brilliance with us to do the write up on the Seahawks? Aren’t they his team?
(bracing for the unleashing of Caveman fury)
January 3rd, 2008 at 2:41 pm
*do
January 3rd, 2008 at 2:48 pm
clinton portis be stealin’ his bukket!
January 3rd, 2008 at 2:59 pm
since when did the villain Egghead from the 1960′d batman t.v. show start playing QB for Seattle ?
http://content.answers.com/main/content/wp/en/thumb/6/65/200px-Egghead_batman.jpg
January 3rd, 2008 at 3:05 pm
What the hell does CC doe around here anymore?
Hater’s Guide is generally Ape’s domain, jammq. Was me posting something this morning too long ago for you, or is this an exercise to test my patience?
January 3rd, 2008 at 3:05 pm
CC wore himself out on the Wade and Jerry post. Also, Adam Morrison even thinks thats a pussy mustache
January 3rd, 2008 at 3:11 pm
I’m either a poor man’s Drew or a poor man’s Caveman. It’s because of that kind of versatility that they keep me around here.
January 3rd, 2008 at 3:21 pm
Not being snarky here, but,
It should read “….capture a fair maiden and b[i]nd her to the train tracks with this section of rope…”
January 3rd, 2008 at 3:29 pm
Yes, thanks. Continue slobbering over Drew and Ufford and nitpick my shit.
Assholes.
January 3rd, 2008 at 3:42 pm
Leave it to the commenters to break up blog chemistry.
January 3rd, 2008 at 3:53 pm
Jee-zus. Just trying to help a brotha out.
Next time I will let you wallow in your misconjugated verbs… prick.
January 3rd, 2008 at 4:00 pm
Talking about more of a general trend than you specifically. I fixed it, assiduous grammarian.
January 3rd, 2008 at 4:07 pm
Assholes and pricks…I just wanted to say I liked the Cervantes reference…
January 3rd, 2008 at 4:17 pm
Honestly, I would have called it out on anyone.
However, not to prick your already deflated ego, but, you did not fix it as you forgot to place an “a” in front of “fair maiden.”
January 3rd, 2008 at 4:20 pm
The Alexander line is perfect. I think I might shave off my beard/stache so I can resemble fair Matt for this weekends game though. Might be fun.
January 3rd, 2008 at 4:23 pm
Doesn’t need the “a.” He’s referring to her directly.
January 3rd, 2008 at 4:29 pm
Grammar Flame War = GraFlaWa
January 3rd, 2008 at 4:33 pm
@jammq/CC: I certainly hope it’s an exercise to test the patience. I love the Caveman fury.
January 3rd, 2008 at 4:38 pm
Jesus is this KSK or Sesame Street? If I wanted to learn grammar I would move away from Indiana.
January 3rd, 2008 at 4:39 pm
Are you suggesting that “I shall capture fair maiden…” should not read “I shall capture a fair maiden…” when Hasselback is pondering what he will be doing in the future?
In this sentence, “maiden” is a count noun and requires a numerical demonination. When a count noun is singular, it is preceded by an “a”.
January 3rd, 2008 at 4:46 pm
Whether it’s grammatically correct or not, it’s an idiom that was used colloquially during times when women could be referred to as “fair maiden.”
January 3rd, 2008 at 4:49 pm
grammar fight in a satirical football blog. The internet’s purpose is now complete.
January 3rd, 2008 at 4:50 pm
John S.: Apparently, you were not raised around Rocky and Bullwinkle.
January 3rd, 2008 at 4:52 pm
Since the “fair maiden” was not indroduced into the “plotline” prior to the statement, the reader has no way of knowing he was referring to a specific person rather than a generic description.
Indeed, as he is contemplating actions in the future, it seems unlikely that he is thinking of a specific person but, rather, thinking of a generic fair maiden.
January 3rd, 2008 at 4:53 pm
*just seeing how far I could push it before something broke*
Anyway, I LOVE Rocky and Bullwinkle.
January 3rd, 2008 at 4:56 pm
I think Ben Roethlisberger might be using improper syntax in his quote.
January 3rd, 2008 at 4:57 pm
Hey grammar king of KSK…when a sentence ends in quote marks, the period goes inside the marks. For example: When a count noun is singular, it is preceded by an “a.”
Not to be snarky or anything.
January 3rd, 2008 at 5:01 pm
quiet strength - You are right about that. As you can see, I did it properly earlier on. This was a simple typo.
January 3rd, 2008 at 5:19 pm
Alright, STOP… Grammar Time!
January 3rd, 2008 at 5:23 pm
By the way, it’s nice to see Hasselbeck is growing his eyebrows out for the playoffs as well.
January 3rd, 2008 at 5:26 pm
Was me posting something this morning too long ago for you, or is this an exercise to test my patience?
Yes and no. I didn’t see the Wade & Jerry post.
I would never try to test your patience. I figure it’s tested enough the minute the sun starts shining in the morning.
January 3rd, 2008 at 5:54 pm
Jeez, I leave to get some work done, and the National Grammar Rodeo breaks out.
Nice work, Upstate, on nailing the Egghead reference. I’m kicking myself for missing that one.
January 3rd, 2008 at 6:04 pm
John S. is head buckaroo.
January 3rd, 2008 at 11:15 pm
Yee-hah?
January 3rd, 2008 at 11:31 pm
The mustache is an elaborate scheme to distract Jeff Garcia during the game.
January 4th, 2008 at 1:59 am
As much as I LOVE this blog, as hard as I have laughed in the past, the preceding “grammar wars” are just about the funniest damn thing I have ever read.
leave the holiday primate alone, his shit works.
January 4th, 2008 at 9:01 am
Who’s this Christmas Ape guy?
I thought the guy from Father Knows Shit and the pot-smoking Jew with the gambling problem wrote this blog.