The divisional round seems like a unnecessary matter of course before we get served our respective regular season rematch conference title games of Packers-Cowboys and Colts-Patriots. Therefore, we’re fed a plateful of tepid rivalries this weekend, so we have to go with the one that has the best chance of being a good game (that’s a lie: actually Packers-Seahawks is probably the most even game of the weekend, but I find it boring). But this is the NFC East, so there’s
history. Or, more accurately, there are two goofy quarterbacks who are subjects of running jokes. So, WHO YA GOT?

Contestants

Tony Romo___________Elisha Manning

Owes success to

Miscegenation_______Faint stubble (new), family name (milked for all time)

Distracted by

Jessica Simpson_________Big-time squash tournament he’s missing

Will need

Terrell Owens_____Coaches to ransom his dirtbike a little longer

Leads the league in

Smiles, by gum SMILES AS BIG AS ALL OUTDOORS_____Insincere half-smirks

Hoping to overcome

Past playoff flub__________Limited interest in the game

Rock Band role

On guitar, ebullience_______Vocals, flustered shrugs

Finishing move

Saving Wade’s job_______Just doing enough to keep his own