Last night, former XFL player Tinker “Ty” Keck, who was a bitching returner back in his Bearcat days, was the first ever contestant on FOX’s new game show “The Moment of Truth”. I’ve only watched one episode of this show, but I think it’s reasonable to come to this conclusion.

THIS COULD BE THE GREATEST SHOW IN THE HISTORY OF EVERYTHING EVER.

I always wanted a show where contestants were forced to empty out their ids and mentally traumatize their loved ones for cash, and here it is. At one point, they even brought out Rodney Peete (who appeared to have eaten Byron Leftwich) to ask Keck if he ever checked out another guy’s cock while in the shower. Well, of course he fucking did! You got thirty naked guys in the shower. You’re gonna see dong. And if some guy is hung like a goddamn mastadon, you’re gonna notice it. They also asked Keck very personal questions such as:

-Have you ever done anything to cause Catia (Keck’s wife) not to trust you?

-Have you delayed having children because you are unsure Catia will be your lifelong partner?

-If Catia grew a belly, would you encourage her to get liposuction?

Each exchange afterwards went something like this.

Host: Have you ever flirted with another woman over email?

(cut to Keck)

(cut to wife)

(cut to Keck’s friend)

(cut to Keck)

(cut to wife’s friend)

(cut to Keck’s tapping feet)

(cut to Keck)

(cut to wife)

(cut to Keck)

(cut to wife)

Keck: No.

Woman’s Voice: That answer is…

(cut to wife)

(cut to wife’s friend)

(cut to Keck)

(cut to wife)

(cut to stock footage of the stopwatch from 60 Minutes)

(cut to Keck)

Woman’s Voice: TRUE!

I wasn’t sure whether to be riveted or bored out of my fucking mind. Hurry the fuck up with it, FOX. Keck’s wikipedia page was altered after the show to include these tidbits, which have since been erased:

Ty Keck looked very nervous on the television show. Im pretty sure his wife no longer trusts him. He should get his teeth fixed and work on his dammaged relationship with his wife.”

It has been said that after appearing on the show, Ty is close to a divorce with his wife and is still trying to work out the problems that arose from his candidness. He also admitted to looking at other men’s genitalia while in a locker room.

Eh, probably for the best. Anyway, Keck didn’t get terribly far in his quest for $500,000 worth of humiliation. He flunked the 11th question out of 21. BUT, we here at KSK have unearthed the remaining nine questions that were NOT asked of Keck, along with the host’s setup for each question. Keep in mind, the questions get more personal and revealing as we get closer to the end. Here now, is the remainder of the show transcript.

Host: So you think you’re a good husband, Ty? Pretty sure about that? Are you REALLY sure?

QUESTION 12: Have you ever wished you could pull out of Catia and ejaculate on her chest while imagining she was Nina Hartley? Then stick a thumb in her eye?

Host: That was a pretty personal one. I got this next question here. You may find it tougher. You may find it easier. Ready? Here we go. Do you think you’re a good man, Ty? Think so, eh?

QUESTION 13: Have you ever masturbated on multiple occasions to one of Catia’s friends or relatives? Was it her mom? Because she totally looks like she could be Catia’s sister. Amazing ass.

Host: Hoo! That was also a pretty tough one, Ty. Ready for the next one? You went to college, right? Bearcat? Good student? Let’s bring out a 17-year-old Bearcat coed. Tina?

QUESTION 14, ASKED BY A 17-YEAR-OLD BEARCAT FRESHMAN IN A TIGHT TIGHT SKIRT: If Catia never knew, would you bend me over a desk and stick a cucumber in me?

Host: Tough one. VERY tough one. But you’re one step closer, Ty. Let’s move on. Feeling confident? Nothing to hide? Here we go.

QUESTION 15: Could this question be more vague?

Host: Little bit of a curveball there, Ty. Let’s talk about your family now. Love your mother? Are you sure? Really?

QUESTION 16: Have you ever wished your mother would fall off a cliff so that you could collect her inheritance, then divorce Catia and flee to Alaska and assume a new life under the alias Franklin Knox?

Host: You look a little sweaty, Ty. You okay? Remember: you can bow out at any time. You ready to keep going? Okay. Are you a liberal guy? Are you sure? Let’s bring out a black man.

QUESTION 17, ASKED BY A BLACK MAN: Have you ever thought the word nigger to yourself? Have you ever considered thinking it, or begun the process of visualizing it in your head?

Host: Another difficult one. But you’re doing great, Ty. You’ve been honest, and that’s all we ask. Let’s go to the next question. Shirelle?

QUESTION 18, ASKED BY A 37-YEAR-OLD HOOKER: Did you slip a finger in my asshole without paying the extra $50 three years ago?

Host: Here comes another…

QUESTION 19: Have you ever masturbated, then taken a shit and then, without washing your hands, eaten a hamburger?

Host: Very tricky, that one. But we’re only two questions away now. How much confidence do you have in your marriage, Ty? How much faith do you have in your wife? You sound pretty sure.

QUESTION 20: Have you ever wandered the streets of Hollywood, looking for fatties to imprison, starve, and then molest?

Host: Another very hard question. But I think we all admire you for your honesty, Ty. This is the final question now. For $500,000. It’s our toughest one yet. Are you ready? Are you a law-abiding citizen, Ty? REALLY? Certain of that?

QUESTION 21: If you didn’t hide the bodies underwater, did you bury them under your house?

Be glad you flunked that 11th question, Ty.