KSK Celebrity Pickkake: The Fed
The celebrity Super Bowl pick is a time-honored tradition, one we at KSK are super fucking excited to be a part of, as we have in the past. For the next two weeks, stars from the world of entertainment, politics, and more will drop by to make their picks for the big game in the Pink Taco! Up next, it’s the Federal Reserve!
The Federal Open Market Committee has decided to set its target for the professional football championship as follows: New England 41, New York 35.
The Committee took this action in view of a weakening of the defensive personnel of both clubs and increasing downside risks to offensive ejaculation. While strains in short-term ball control have eased somewhat, broader conditions have continued to deteriorate and point scoring has showed tightening like the anus of a small, traumatized child. Moreover, incoming information indicates a deepening of passing-game contraction as well as some softening in offensive line play.
With that in mind, The Federal Open Market Committee has decided to revise its target for the professional football championship as follows: New England 21, New York 17.
The Committee expects officiating to moderate in coming quarters, but it will be necessary to continue to monitor masturbatory developments carefully.
Appreciable downside risks to passing on first down remain. The Committee will continue to assess the effects of slower white players and other developments on special teams and will act in a timely manner as needed to address those risks.
And, in keeping with that timeliness, The Federal Open Market Committee has decided to re-revise its target for the professional football championship as follows: New England 10, New York 3.
Tags: even if this was funny you probably wouldnt get it anyw, MMP, muffins muffins and expansionist fiscal policy
January 22nd, 2008 at 1:11 pm
Vegas just shifted the line three-quarters of a point.
January 22nd, 2008 at 1:17 pm
I think the Fed would speak of Tom Brady much more dove-ishly than you do.
January 22nd, 2008 at 1:18 pm
Less thinking, more dick jokes!
-tech n9ne’s tribute to falco
January 22nd, 2008 at 1:21 pm
Alan Greenspan would never have adjusted his pick like that.
January 22nd, 2008 at 1:30 pm
Alan Greenspan wouldn’t have allowed a Gentile to write the report either, Unsilent got screwed in this one by that self-hating Bobby Fisher-wannabe Ben Bernanke.
January 22nd, 2008 at 1:37 pm
Wow, as a econ major I found that to be the funniest thing I’ve ever seen on this site…
January 22nd, 2008 at 2:15 pm
Did the Fed consider the impact of the walking boot on Brady’s foot and the impact of Eli’s vaginal secretions when confronted by several large daaawkies?
January 22nd, 2008 at 2:35 pm
At least when Jim Cramer makes financial humor he uses sound effects.
January 22nd, 2008 at 2:38 pm
his movie sucked though.
January 22nd, 2008 at 2:43 pm
who do the Giants have to cut to get Lumbergh’s stock to go up that quarter of a point?
January 22nd, 2008 at 3:13 pm
I resent your implication that I wouldn’t get this. It’s about something moderately to massively homosexual, right?
Maybe I should go back and read it again…
January 22nd, 2008 at 3:17 pm
Upon secondary review, it appears to have something to do with clueless financiers projecting their fantasies upon large men in tight pants. Thus, I stand corrected.
January 22nd, 2008 at 3:25 pm
While strains in short-term ball control have eased somewhat, broader conditions have continued to deteriorate and point scoring has showed tightening like the anus of a small, traumatized child.
…or Marmalard when entering the “Mobile Rape Chamber”.
/Shows self out
January 22nd, 2008 at 5:40 pm
Emmitt Smith does not fully understand this hypotenuse.