It’s Real F—king Nice To Come To F—king Miami To Coach Your F—king Football Team
Hey ey ey, how YOU doin’? Let me start off by sayin’ what a fucking honor it is to come here to fucking Miami and work for a fucking guy like Bill Parcells. I mean, look at that cocksucker sitting over there. Is he not just the fucking best?
(raises glass of Chianti)
Cheers to you, Billo. You big fat cumguzzler you. No, I fucked YOUR mother! How you like that shit? Real fucking comedian here! You believe the balls on this prick?
Anyway, like I said, being here in fucking Miami is fucking fantastic for me, and for my lovely wife Donna, and for my lovely children, ALL of whom are honor students. None of that cystic fibrosis retard shit.
You people have a really nice town. With some really fucking hot broads. I swear I was walking down the street the other day and I saw one broad with half her tits sticking right out of her shirt. That’s real fucking nice. Tony like. I could do without some of the fucking assticklers parading around on roller skates here, but that’s just me. I didn’t grow up in a faggot culture. It’s not part of my heritage. Personally, I think it’s all a little fucked, but you take the good with the bad.
Now, I know you’re wondering just what kind of fucking cocksucker you got runnin’ your team. Well, let me tell you somethin’. You ain’t gotta worry about nuthin’ no more. Mr. Huizenga here is the fucking best. You bald old fuck, you. Hope you don’t mind if I never paid my late fees at Blockbuster, you fucking corpse, you. Fucking late fees. I’ll return a movie when I fucking want to, you liver-spotted cock.
You also got Mr. Parcells here, who, again, is the fucking best. And I don’t wanna hear anyone here speak ill of Mr. Parcells. Okay? You speak ill of Mr. Parcells, you gonna have to answer to me. And so help me God, I will fucking bash your goddamn head in with a fucking coffee mug if I hear that shit. You got me, fuckos?
Oh, you wanna know about the offense? You ain’t gotta worry about that, okay? It’s taken care of. How? Eh, you don’t need to know that right now. Come on. Show a little fucking faith, will ya? Jesus. Just know that I’ve got that shit all fucking wrapped up. You and me, Dolphin fans. We’re gonna have EVERYTHING. You watch.
It’ll be way better than that last limpdick who was here. What was that stupid fuck’s name? Cameron? Cam Cameron? C’mon! How can you coach a fucking team with a fucking name like that? That guy probably only studied tape of cocks being sucked, am I right? Huh? Huh? The fuck.
So, long story short, nice to fucking be here. Got some real fucking great shit happening in the pipeline. And I’m ready to fucking go. We’re gonna have it real fucking good. I’m hungry. Let’s go get a fucking sub.
Tags: Big Daddy Drew, fun stereotypes, goombas, Tony Dice Sparano
January 17th, 2008 at 3:17 pm
he has his mothers moustache.
/adding to the fun stereotypes
January 17th, 2008 at 3:20 pm
ROFL i pissed myself…. I need Osi!
January 17th, 2008 at 3:27 pm
Oh I can just imagine the conversations between Sparano and Sal Paolantonio.
New feature?
January 17th, 2008 at 3:29 pm
Let’s go get a fucking sub.
I would have also accepted hoagie or wedge.
January 17th, 2008 at 3:39 pm
You know, it’s dangerous for you to be here in the frozen food section.
Why is that?
Because you could melt all this stuff.
January 17th, 2008 at 3:43 pm
That guy probably only studied tape of cocks being sucked, am I right?
Amazing…And true.
January 17th, 2008 at 3:43 pm
OH MY GOD
MY BLUE HEAVEN
true story: I named my fantasy baseball team this year “The Turtles” after the Little League team in that very movie.
January 17th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
She likes My Blue Heaven – Check
Is a Cardinals fan – Check
Marry me now. We will get Drew to write our vows.
January 17th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
I bet he moves his mother down to Miami too. You know, for her health.
January 17th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
If he doesn’t alert Ray Bones that he’s moving into town, there’s gonna be some trouble.
January 17th, 2008 at 3:57 pm
Little Boy Blue, he needed the money…
Ohhhhhhhhhh!
January 17th, 2008 at 4:00 pm
That shit was racis….
let me try that again
That shit was racilicious.
January 17th, 2008 at 4:12 pm
He’s a funny guy.
January 17th, 2008 at 4:12 pm
OOOHHH!!!! I can’t believe my fuckin’ ears! Kid’s got a lot of fuckin’ balls!! Ey, Spider, this is for you! Don’t take no shit from nobody!
January 17th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
1 point for more Italians on KSK, 1 point for more Dolphins on KSK, 2 points for more BDD on KSK… but mandatory deduction for the late jump on the Sparano/Soprano/Uma/Oprah joke.
January 17th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
No gabagool? The fuckin’ cuban sandwiches down here gives me fuckin’ agita.
@throwbot:
Hoagies are a philly thing. North Jersey would be sub or hero.
January 17th, 2008 at 4:20 pm
Don’t forget what happened to Sonny Black when he tried to move down to Florida. Make sure you pay off the cops.
January 17th, 2008 at 4:31 pm
agita ? nothing a little brioschi won’t cure.
January 17th, 2008 at 4:47 pm
They say the fucking smog is the fucking reason you have such beautiful fucking sunsets.
January 17th, 2008 at 4:50 pm
Let’s go get a fucking sub.
Can I get that on a t-shirt?
January 17th, 2008 at 4:52 pm
Reader: [laughing] BDD, you’re funny.
BDD: [serious, indignant] Funny? Funny how? What am I a fuckin clown? I’m here to fuckin amuse you?
Reader: [stuttering] You…You know…the way you tell a story…
Pure Gold once again, BDD
January 17th, 2008 at 5:01 pm
Richie loved to use 22s because the bullets are small and they don’t come out the other end like a 45, see, a 45 will blow a barn door out the back of your head and there’s a lot of dry cleaning involved, but a 22 will just rattle around like Pac-Man until you’re dead.
January 17th, 2008 at 5:03 pm
Seriously, how meatdick is that coaching staff going to be by the time Parcells is done with it?
January 17th, 2008 at 5:09 pm
Jill came down with two-fifty. That fuckin’ whore!
January 17th, 2008 at 5:13 pm
@caveman: Fuck you, fuckball
January 17th, 2008 at 5:26 pm
Jerry Jones just made Jason Garrett an “Assistant Head Coach”
January 17th, 2008 at 5:30 pm
Tony Sparano: Take the gun. Leave the cannoli
Wade Phillips: But I really like cannolis.
January 17th, 2008 at 6:25 pm
Paulie: Hey Sil, you remember your first blowjob?
Silvio: Oh yeah.
Paulie: How long did it take for the guy to come?
Ohhhhhhhh!
January 17th, 2008 at 6:30 pm
Bones: You must be one of those quick-draw artists, the way you’ve got your gun down on your belt like that.
Uncle Rico: Whatta ya got there, a Wop-9? Fuckin’ Fiat of guns, always jammin up on you at the wrong time. [/gets shot 4 times]
January 17th, 2008 at 6:31 pm
The Man-Boob Mafia Meets Miami.
January 17th, 2008 at 7:10 pm
The funny part is that I just watched a clip of his press conference, and my first thought was “What a fucking goombah my favorite team just hired.” This was the best possible chaser.
Let’s go get a fucking sub.
I would have accepted grinder.
January 17th, 2008 at 7:16 pm
This guy was O-coordinator at Boston U in the early ’90s. BU’s football team folded after he left.
Sorry Cowboys fans.
January 17th, 2008 at 7:56 pm
No meat-a-balls? Wrapped in proshoot?
January 17th, 2008 at 7:57 pm
If the reporters down in Miami ever want to interview Coach Sparano, they better grow a mustache, so that he’ll understand them.
Bippity Boppity Boo!
January 17th, 2008 at 8:25 pm
After the last 24 hours of being on the ledge looking to jump, and talking to others getting me down, this truly has lifted my spirits.
I can’t wait to see how long it takes for a horse’s head to be in his bed.
/trying to regain sense of humor.
January 17th, 2008 at 10:12 pm
Over/under on Dolphin players looking up the meaning of “stugots” in Urban Dictionary over the next week. 20.
January 17th, 2008 at 11:32 pm
What?!? I don’t got enough to worry about, now I got this fucking Goodell prick looking over my shoulder???
January 17th, 2008 at 11:49 pm
this blog keeps getting better and better
January 18th, 2008 at 11:20 am
Ey, get tha’ fuck outta here! No You! Get tha’, shut tha’ what tha’ fuck! Ey, YOOOO!
January 18th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
You heard my Ricky Williams, pay for my fuckin’ candy…