Idle Sands: Cactus vs. Tumbleweed. Bye Week Desert Showdown. WHO YA GOT?
It’s the first weekend since the summer that’s sans football but that doesn’t mean we don’t have some vicious rivalry that we can occupy ourselves with until the media circus commences next week. All this southwestern indolence is just the thing to make us forget about the mesmeric excitement of the game. Why, I don’t miss it at all…I…just… OHGODINEEDFOOTBALLHELPMEHELPMEHELPMEWHOYAGOT?
Saguaro__________Tumbleweed
Football applications
Pylon?_______Fuck. I don’t know. Just give me football.
Kinda like the Super Bowl because
Prickly, like Tom Coughlin__Contains sticks, dirt, animal feces, like Logan Mankins’ beard
Evocative of
Uh, not football________Soccer, in its ability to bore
Provides
Water______Also water. Wait, no. Just sticks.
Can Tom Brady fuck it?
Sure, why not?______Moves too fast for his boot
Can pass for
[Sigh] I don’t know_____BRING ME A WHOPPER FOOTBALL
Finishing move
Sitting there______Best guess: tumbling
Tags: desperation time, pointless bye week, punter designed the logo, who ya got?, xmas ape
January 25th, 2008 at 1:54 am
not sure who i got, but i do have HIV and no job, is that enough?
January 25th, 2008 at 2:01 am
i got the time to pull a great bambi, but the self awareness not to. i am nice, i could keep posting rubbish til 8 in the morning. bambi is a twat.
January 25th, 2008 at 2:18 am
well thats a little harsh.
January 25th, 2008 at 2:20 am
Really Ape, you see Arizona and all you think of is a desolate desert with nothing but tumbleweeds and cacti? How sad. I’m a certified Arizona expert, having just watched 3:10 to Yuma on DVD, so I can tell you they have…..oh, some cattle, I guess? I don’t know, rampant murdering doesn’t sound right….oh, how about the Chinamen who worked on the railroads? Yeah, because they were called “Coolies” (the worst-sounding racial slur I’ve ever heard) and that sounds close to Redskins TE Chris Cooley.
God-motherfucking-damn, can we please have our football back?
January 25th, 2008 at 2:37 am
3:10 to Yuma was pretty damn cool.
Cacti are not really all that cool.
January 25th, 2008 at 3:59 am
I found out at an early age that jumping off of a barn into a pile of tumbleweeds that had built up over a summer not only provides very little support for a 30 foot fall but is a rodent filled, allergy and rash inducing good time.
I’ve got Cactus -7.
January 25th, 2008 at 4:01 am
ohooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh shit!
That made me laugh.
Tom Brady is hobbling down an empty Scottsdale avenue inhabited only by stripmalls and retirees in their Lincoln Towncars right now, dick wagging in the desert sun, chasing after that coy tumbleweed that gave him the eye in that bar in Bisbee.
January 25th, 2008 at 8:42 am
Nice logo by the way
they might as well change their name to Burger Queen – unfunny dickhead
huh huh yeah – long haired asshole
Fuck those commercials in their ear
January 25th, 2008 at 8:47 am
Oh, and uh…cactus? Sure why not.
January 25th, 2008 at 9:35 am
Phoenix only exists because people in Houston said, “We like the soulless subdivisions and the boredom, but it’s just not hot enough. Let’s head west!”
And I’ll take cactus, straight up.
January 25th, 2008 at 9:44 am
I thoroughly enjoyed 3:10 to Yuma, but what was with the random Luke Wilson appearance? He had maybe two lines and then got shot. (Spoiler alert?) It wasn’t even a good death scene. I think that Russell Crowe only agreed to sign on if Luke Wilson died in the film.
January 25th, 2008 at 9:58 am
I’m all for fucking something prickly on the outside and wet inside, just ask my wife..
/ba-dum-bum… thank you, thank you, I’ll be here all week, try the veal!
January 25th, 2008 at 10:00 am
how about the Chinamen who worked on the railroads?
I believe the preferred nomenclature is “Asian Americans.”
January 25th, 2008 at 10:27 am
I think we found the identity of MJD’s muff stubble girl two comments up.
Oh, and the Cactus Album was the pearl of 3rd Bass’s career.
January 25th, 2008 at 11:00 am
When I was about nine I fell face-first into a bed of cactus in front of my house.
That’s still better than no football.
January 25th, 2008 at 11:15 am
I was once given a small cactus as a gift. I kept it on a shelf in my then apartment, until one night i was drunk, bumped into the shelf, knocked the cactus over and instinctively tried to catch it. It took me over two weeks to get all the goddamned prickers out of my hand. Tumbleweed by infinity billion
January 25th, 2008 at 11:23 am
I’m taking tumbleweed because cactus is about as mobile as Drew Bledsoe.
January 25th, 2008 at 11:44 am
Oh, and the Cactus Album was the pearl of 3rd Bass’s career.
Agreed. Tumbleweed gets the gas face.
January 25th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
@Otto Man
Asian Americans….I don’t think so! Try it the New England way….slit dawwkies.
January 25th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
Gotta go with the Tumbleweed, due to it’s critical involvement in The Big Lebowski.
Yeah, well, you know, that’s just, like, your opinion, man.
January 25th, 2008 at 2:08 pm
I believe the preferred nomenclature is “Asian Americans.”
Yeah – preferred by dickless simpering assholes and frigid closet bulldykes in Birkenstocks.
Saguaro by 6 – they’re already signalling touchdown but can’t kick.
January 25th, 2008 at 3:15 pm
I’ll take the tumbleweed to cover +7 due to its ability to move.
January 25th, 2008 at 4:10 pm
Yeah – preferred by dickless simpering assholes and frigid closet bulldykes in Birkenstocks.
Or people who’ve actually seen the movie I’m referencing. It’s called “The Big Lebowski.”
Why don’t you turn off Limbaugh for a second and look into it, fucknuts.
January 25th, 2008 at 7:00 pm
Or people who’ve actually seen the movie I’m referencing. It’s called “The Big Lebowski.”
Why don’t you turn off Limbaugh for a second and look into it, fucknuts.
Awesome reference. The Big Lebowski. Very topical.
It’s incredible how douchebags think that anyone who doesn’t subscribe to their PC bullshit must have Limbaugh on. Think about it (if thinking doesn’t give you too much of a headache).
Congrats on spelling his name right, though.
January 25th, 2008 at 8:08 pm
Awesome reference. The Big Lebowski. Very topical.
Yeah, three references here, two in another thread … definitely unpopular and definitely not topical.
I was referencing a movie, douchebag, not getting on my soapbox about PC shit. You’re the one who got his panties in a wad because he was the one person who didn’t get the joke.