And suddenly, Kenny Irons of the Bengals is our favorite player. Reader Joel W. explains:

A few weeks ago I was working check-in at LAX airport for the rookie conference held in LA. JaMarcus Russell never said a word, Dwayne Jarrett dissed Keyshawn, and Bengals running back Kenny Irons brought more luggage than I’ve ever seen in my life. I asked him what was in the luggage, an innocent question, which prompted Kenny to hoist the luggage and proudly proclaim,

“I got a midget in here to suck my dick.”

Long live the Bengals!

Yes, but did he pack his bags, or did someone pack them for him? You never know how a dwarf prostitute will get into your Samsonite. I know a similar problem plagues Pedro Martinez on road trips.

On a side note, the contest entries from you readers have been absolutely stellar of late (except for you, LadyAndrea). So much so that we will be creating a second nonkeeper league for the runners up. I need two leagues anyhow. So thank you for doing a complete 180 and giving us some fun tips during the summer doldrums. It’s user-generated content! Like Al Gore’s Current network, only with midgets sucking your dick!