This comes from reader Sharkey, who just made my weekend. This needs no embellishment.
Life at the University of Minnesota, rooting for the shithole that is the Gopher football program, is tough. We need to latch on to any success we may have. Enter: Laurence Koolaid Maroney.
That’s his name on Facebook, at least; his entry on the site is golden. Some of my favorites (besides the name, which just makes me thirsty) are found in his Favorite Quotes, including:
-“wash u ass”
-“bout time we got some construda in dis mothafucka”
-“u begul shitting”
And, of couse,
-“Your ass backwards if you chase hoes, chase the cheese they come with the shit.”
Koolaid=American Hero. The pictures posted win the day, however. Attached are a few of the better ones; Gopher pride, muthafuckas!
The bar just been raised.
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/global/images/default-avatar.jpg){kind=avatar}
![[image]](http://cdn.ksk.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/02/Newt-Gingrich-Releases-2010-Tax-Return1-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.ksk.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/01/pkpti-150x150.jpg)
Urban dictionary definition for “construda”- Ask Lawrence Maroney. Nobody else freaking knows.
And so the mystery continues?
I’ve never felt less urban my entire life. And here I thought I had a touch of swerve.
I think “u begul shitting” means “You be gold shitting” or “You are shitting gold.”
Thanks dude, I never knew that, cheers.
“construda” no meaning, actually he his fake teeth didn’t fit… “’bout time we got some “STRUDEL” in this place!”
Another ignorant “athlete”- great college education wasted.
this just in. gatorade will be replaced by kool-aid on new england’s sideline.
As you might imagine, KoolAid didn’t make it up Brainerd all that often during his Gopher career.
Don’tcha know?
Mother of God…..
I may have a new hero now that Pacman Jones could wind up in the big house.
wv: ouwduos…. Makes as much sense as anything else Koolaid has to say.
Sine yo pinny on the runny kine!
Wow. Kool-Aid Maroney. I have no words…literally
J4B: Gimme some a dat purple drank Kool-Aid.
KA: ZZZyeah.
those are some nappy headed hos in those pics…
Leon Spinks can’t even figure this one out.
It’s like the garbage words you type here to post…
Umfekha.
wow the bar has indeed been raised. I can only hope and pray that someone can design a Koolaid Maroney T-shirt with “U Begul Shitting”
I’ve never been more proud to be a Golden Gopher in all my life. I’m all misty-eyed and shit.
Just a damn minute… That’s not Maroney… That’s SERENA WILLIAMS!!!
Wow. I think Randy Moss is going to fit in juuuuuuust fine in New England.
Also, I motion that Maroney must scream “OOOOOOH YEAHHHHHH!!!” after every TD. Or at least burst through a wall during pregame introductions.
“Roger Goodell just suspended Maroney for the season, just to be safe.”
Whatever. He’s so gonna appeal.
Damn… Your crappy MS Paint looks downright shitty on Deadspin.
construda begul
Roger Goodell just suspended Maroney for the season, just to be safe.
How did I not know that was his nickname? I am genuinely pissed off.
Wow…so that’s where all of Minnesota’s black people have been hiding.
BDD! WE NEED KSK KOOLAID CHAINS!!!!!!
Oh good lord, I did not notice the Koolaid chain. That is phenomenal.
Oh Yeah!!!! ::busts through a wall::
Well then my dentist, Antawn “Azztronaut” Jenkins, is a fucking moron.
I checked with some area G’s and none of them thought the gums made sense. They thought it was chronic.
Dont be dolts. Construda is pot.
You may be confusing your regional dialects. However, “felching” is a universal term. Funny how words work.
Burnsy – Was that in Webster’s? I thought construda was the excreted juices that exited the ass after a fucking. In my hood we frequently referred to it as ‘taint juice’ but that could just be regional.
joaquin- I’m not sure why you chose this forum to express yourself but I could not agree more.
Fuck Hatton, Jose’s gonna kick his ass in Chico’s memory.
Viva el Sr. Castillo!!! Ricky Hatton is a bitch!
A begul is an ethnic form of bagel, in that it is a piece of white bread with a hole poked in the middle by a finger.
The construda is the area of a person’s gums between his upper lip and his grill, as Mr. Maroney so politely shows us in the second picture from the bottom.
“Why do you chase the cheese?”
Koolaid knows why.
Construda and begul sound like pastries, but (surprise!) that doesn’t make any sense. Anyone know the context?
That 3rd picture looks like SURPRISE BUTTSECKS. Muthafuckas in the elevator must not have the shit.
So that’s what happened to Li’L John.
“Hey, Kool-Aid!”
“Wwwwwwhat?!”
construda was a washing machine brand from the 1950′s
i guess he loves him some clean clothes.
o.k., after doing a few searched all i can come up with is that construda was a washing machine brand from the 1950′s.
why’s he kissing daniel gibson? he should be chasing cheese! time is money, koolaid.
i’m not sure if i understand what we’re supposed to be drafting here.
I did not notice that. That is AWESOME.
Perhaps a playdo extruder that jumps to conclusions…mat?
Everyone caught the Koolaid man on his chain right? Just checkin.
excuse me, stewardess, but I speak jive…
I bet “construda” is another word for Hennessey
forget the urban dictionary, check the ebonics dictionary.
koolaid is a first round fantasy pick.
Your beagle is shitting?
ok after reading these i realize i have no chance nad am not sending in my shit. sorry for taking away one of your don;ts. and agreeing with shan wtf does “bout time we got some construda in dis mothafucka” mean.
checking urban dictionary (the home for jangsters ‘jewish’)
not defined.
inner city mating ritual
They don’t have inner cities in Minnesota (no matter what Slug might have told you).
Paging The Maj, Paging The Maj…..
We need a translator at the front desk…
how did i fucking know that the post titled “wash u ass” was going to be authored by the fucking towel spotter himself.
“bout time we got some construda in dis mothafucka”
What the fuck does this mean? I can only assume it is part of an inner city mating ritual, in which both parties apparently have facial hair. Which is displayed in the picture of him kissing Shawn Wayans. I can’t wait to open Gimp just to fuck with these.
Folks, we have another “Offseason Chronicles” series idea.
the person in the cubicle next to me just asked if everything is ok. Koolaid has brought me to tears
I somebody could tell me what “construda” and “begul” mean, I’d really appreciate it.
“Your ass backwards if you chase hoes, chase the cheese they come with the shit.”
I have nothing to add.
Wash yo ass!
That will now become my signature on emails…
Koolaid is a loldawg.