Koolaid Maroney Wants U To Wash U Ass
This comes from reader Sharkey, who just made my weekend. This needs no embellishment.
Life at the University of Minnesota, rooting for the shithole that is the Gopher football program, is tough. We need to latch on to any success we may have. Enter: Laurence Koolaid Maroney.
That’s his name on Facebook, at least; his entry on the site is golden. Some of my favorites (besides the name, which just makes me thirsty) are found in his Favorite Quotes, including:
-“wash u ass”
-“bout time we got some construda in dis mothafucka”
-“u begul shitting”
And, of couse,
-“Your ass backwards if you chase hoes, chase the cheese they come with the shit.”
Koolaid=American Hero. The pictures posted win the day, however. Attached are a few of the better ones; Gopher pride, muthafuckas!
The bar just been raised.
Tags: Big Daddy Drew, koolaid maroney, somebody say Kool Aid? KOOL AID. JERK IT
June 22nd, 2007 at 7:50 am
Koolaid is a loldawg.
June 22nd, 2007 at 8:16 am
Wash yo ass!
That will now become my signature on emails…
June 22nd, 2007 at 8:22 am
“Your ass backwards if you chase hoes, chase the cheese they come with the shit.”
I have nothing to add.
June 22nd, 2007 at 8:27 am
I somebody could tell me what “construda” and “begul” mean, I’d really appreciate it.
June 22nd, 2007 at 8:42 am
the person in the cubicle next to me just asked if everything is ok. Koolaid has brought me to tears
June 22nd, 2007 at 8:43 am
Folks, we have another “Offseason Chronicles” series idea.
June 22nd, 2007 at 8:56 am
“bout time we got some construda in dis mothafucka”
What the fuck does this mean? I can only assume it is part of an inner city mating ritual, in which both parties apparently have facial hair. Which is displayed in the picture of him kissing Shawn Wayans. I can’t wait to open Gimp just to fuck with these.
June 22nd, 2007 at 9:01 am
how did i fucking know that the post titled “wash u ass” was going to be authored by the fucking towel spotter himself.
June 22nd, 2007 at 9:03 am
Paging The Maj, Paging The Maj…..
We need a translator at the front desk…
June 22nd, 2007 at 9:09 am
inner city mating ritual
They don’t have inner cities in Minnesota (no matter what Slug might have told you).
June 22nd, 2007 at 9:12 am
ok after reading these i realize i have no chance nad am not sending in my shit. sorry for taking away one of your don;ts. and agreeing with shan wtf does “bout time we got some construda in dis mothafucka” mean.
checking urban dictionary (the home for jangsters ‘jewish’)
not defined.
June 22nd, 2007 at 9:20 am
Your beagle is shitting?
June 22nd, 2007 at 9:25 am
forget the urban dictionary, check the ebonics dictionary.
koolaid is a first round fantasy pick.
June 22nd, 2007 at 9:27 am
I bet “construda” is another word for Hennessey
June 22nd, 2007 at 9:27 am
excuse me, stewardess, but I speak jive…
June 22nd, 2007 at 9:29 am
Perhaps a playdo extruder that jumps to conclusions…mat?
Everyone caught the Koolaid man on his chain right? Just checkin.
June 22nd, 2007 at 9:32 am
I did not notice that. That is AWESOME.
June 22nd, 2007 at 9:33 am
i’m not sure if i understand what we’re supposed to be drafting here.
June 22nd, 2007 at 9:43 am
why’s he kissing daniel gibson? he should be chasing cheese! time is money, koolaid.
June 22nd, 2007 at 9:45 am
o.k., after doing a few searched all i can come up with is that construda was a washing machine brand from the 1950’s.
June 22nd, 2007 at 9:57 am
construda was a washing machine brand from the 1950’s
i guess he loves him some clean clothes.
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:00 am
So that’s what happened to Li’L John.
“Hey, Kool-Aid!”
“Wwwwwwhat?!”
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:02 am
Construda and begul sound like pastries, but (surprise!) that doesn’t make any sense. Anyone know the context?
That 3rd picture looks like SURPRISE BUTTSECKS. Muthafuckas in the elevator must not have the shit.
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:03 am
“Why do you chase the cheese?”
Koolaid knows why.
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:06 am
A begul is an ethnic form of bagel, in that it is a piece of white bread with a hole poked in the middle by a finger.
The construda is the area of a person’s gums between his upper lip and his grill, as Mr. Maroney so politely shows us in the second picture from the bottom.
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:21 am
Viva el Sr. Castillo!!! Ricky Hatton is a bitch!
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:25 am
joaquin- I’m not sure why you chose this forum to express yourself but I could not agree more.
Fuck Hatton, Jose’s gonna kick his ass in Chico’s memory.
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:25 am
Burnsy – Was that in Webster’s? I thought construda was the excreted juices that exited the ass after a fucking. In my hood we frequently referred to it as ‘taint juice’ but that could just be regional.
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:28 am
You may be confusing your regional dialects. However, “felching” is a universal term. Funny how words work.
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:33 am
Dont be dolts. Construda is pot.
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:37 am
I checked with some area G’s and none of them thought the gums made sense. They thought it was chronic.
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:44 am
Well then my dentist, Antawn “Azztronaut” Jenkins, is a fucking moron.
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:56 am
Oh Yeah!!!! ::busts through a wall::
June 22nd, 2007 at 11:31 am
Oh good lord, I did not notice the Koolaid chain. That is phenomenal.
June 22nd, 2007 at 11:37 am
BDD! WE NEED KSK KOOLAID CHAINS!!!!!!
June 22nd, 2007 at 11:46 am
Wow…so that’s where all of Minnesota’s black people have been hiding.
June 22nd, 2007 at 12:13 pm
How did I not know that was his nickname? I am genuinely pissed off.
June 22nd, 2007 at 12:16 pm
Roger Goodell just suspended Maroney for the season, just to be safe.
June 22nd, 2007 at 12:26 pm
Damn… Your crappy MS Paint looks downright shitty on Deadspin.
construda begul
June 22nd, 2007 at 12:32 pm
“Roger Goodell just suspended Maroney for the season, just to be safe.”
Whatever. He’s so gonna appeal.
June 22nd, 2007 at 1:02 pm
Wow. I think Randy Moss is going to fit in juuuuuuust fine in New England.
Also, I motion that Maroney must scream “OOOOOOH YEAHHHHHH!!!” after every TD. Or at least burst through a wall during pregame introductions.
June 22nd, 2007 at 1:25 pm
Just a damn minute… That’s not Maroney… That’s SERENA WILLIAMS!!!
June 22nd, 2007 at 1:33 pm
I’ve never been more proud to be a Golden Gopher in all my life. I’m all misty-eyed and shit.
June 22nd, 2007 at 1:54 pm
wow the bar has indeed been raised. I can only hope and pray that someone can design a Koolaid Maroney T-shirt with “U Begul Shitting”
June 22nd, 2007 at 2:12 pm
Leon Spinks can’t even figure this one out.
It’s like the garbage words you type here to post…
Umfekha.
June 22nd, 2007 at 2:19 pm
those are some nappy headed hos in those pics…
June 22nd, 2007 at 3:28 pm
Wow. Kool-Aid Maroney. I have no words…literally
J4B: Gimme some a dat purple drank Kool-Aid.
KA: ZZZyeah.
June 22nd, 2007 at 3:52 pm
Sine yo pinny on the runny kine!
June 22nd, 2007 at 4:08 pm
Mother of God…..
I may have a new hero now that Pacman Jones could wind up in the big house.
wv: ouwduos…. Makes as much sense as anything else Koolaid has to say.
June 22nd, 2007 at 5:47 pm
As you might imagine, KoolAid didn’t make it up Brainerd all that often during his Gopher career.
Don’tcha know?
June 23rd, 2007 at 5:21 am
this just in. gatorade will be replaced by kool-aid on new england’s sideline.
June 17th, 2008 at 3:38 pm
Another ignorant “athlete”- great college education wasted.
September 7th, 2008 at 6:06 am
“construda” no meaning, actually he his fake teeth didn’t fit… “’bout time we got some “STRUDEL” in this place!”