Are you telling me that this year’s playoffs will not feature F–k Da Eagles Heather? Well, that is a true American tragedy. I don’t even know how we even begin to recover. The Federal government hasn’t given us ANY sort of guidance on this. There are thousands of football fans stranded out there, with no tits in sight. Who will come to their rescue? Who will provide them with the support, preferably and ample B cup or higher, that they so desperately need?

This is a call to all you mildly attractive female football fans of this year’s playoff teams out there. You need to pick da team that you think should get fucked. Then, you must visibly demonstrate on your chest your commitment to da principle that da team you pick deserves good, hard fucking. Then you need to get yourself on FOX. They say they don’t condone that sort of thing. But really, they can’t get enough of it. They love it when fans want one team to fuck another.

So hurry, with all due diligence. We need it. Please help.