Hey, great use of our tax dollars, assholes at the Department of Transportation. For all the millions you spend producing these pointless ads telling us that police arrest people for drunk driving then spending outsize dollars to air 600 of them an hour, we could possibly hire more officers to catch people. I don’t know.

Why don’t you just enter into an agreement wherein the game announcers mention each player who’s been arrested for a DUI or DWI? “There’s Cato June with the good open field tackle. By the way, he got popped for a DUI a few months ago. What a dipshit.” If authorities are willing to prosecute celebrities for something, we citizens know it’s a serious crime. Anything to not have to see these goddamn ads every break.