This Sunday’s game is billed as the last the Patriots have a legitimate shot at losing, even though they’re 10 1/2 point favorites and still have dried Tony Kornheiser spooge stains on their jerseys from last Monday. But in terms of gay mascots, Pat the prone Patriot may have finally met his match. Steely McBeam has been sculpting his pubic hair for months. He says there are some interesting topiaries down there. WHO YA GOT?

Contestants

Steely McBeam____________Pat Patriot

Start a War, Start a Nuclear War

At the gay bar_______________gay bar GAY BAR

Guarantee

Happy ending___________Demonstration of 18th-century happy ending

Shameful Secret

Only around football for the dudes__Actually George Steinbrenner

Liabilities

Lovers thrown off by skin-colored shirt____Makes disappointing town crier

History

Hopefully none beyond this season___Don’t ask Pats fans, they didn’t like the team before 2001

Common greeting

Heyyyyy_________________Heyyyyyeth

Finishing move

Runs away to North Carolina with Bill Cowher____Shows Randy Moss an even gayer TD celebration than his current one.

P.S. — Fuck off, David Fleming and King Kaufman. You too, PK.
NNNNNNOOOOOO, the urtard picked the Steelers, too.