KSK Kollaborative Kaption Kontest
KSK Reader Raphael was good enough to send us this Hi-Def screen grab of Peyton Manning on the bench in the midst of the Colts’ loss to San Diego on Sunday. Yes, we’re still talking about the Sunday night game, especially since last night’s game was like watching painted grass drying, while growing. Anyway, we’ve decided to open this up to the floor. The ground rules:
1) No references to AIDS, the jungle, or sub-Saharan Africa, and
2) Just kidding, there are no ground rules.
We’ll kick it off, then you can slice like a fucking hammer in the comments.
“Hey, Jim. Jimmy. Jimmy! Do I have anything in my teeth?”
Tags: bitter peyton manning, KSK Kollaborative Kaption Kontest, we could do this all day
November 13th, 2007 at 12:57 pm
Ow, my ass.
November 13th, 2007 at 12:57 pm
When I Chant D-Fence: It Includes You!
November 13th, 2007 at 12:58 pm
“I can’t wait to get out of the jungle so I can try to cure the AIDS I contracted in sub-Saharan Africa. Oh yeah, my younger brother is a fucking ‘tard.”
November 13th, 2007 at 1:02 pm
God I miss Kenny.
November 13th, 2007 at 1:03 pm
Some how, some way… this is Matt Ufford’s fault.
November 13th, 2007 at 1:04 pm
This is my best impersonation of my old man Archie, Dab Nabit!
November 13th, 2007 at 1:04 pm
Khaaaaaan!
November 13th, 2007 at 1:06 pm
“On a mountain of skulls, in the castle of pain, I sat on a throne of blood! What was will be! What is will be no more! Now is the season of evil!”
November 13th, 2007 at 1:08 pm
Marvin, for the last time, get away from those fucking dolphins!
November 13th, 2007 at 1:08 pm
Or…
No, not exactly a man of the people. Also known as Vigo the Cruel, Vigo the Torturer, Vigo the Despised, and Vigo the Unholy.
November 13th, 2007 at 1:10 pm
Boy, that pre-game spread sure left me constipated.
November 13th, 2007 at 1:12 pm
FrankenQB must eat BRAIINSS
November 13th, 2007 at 1:13 pm
Must… not… masturbate.
November 13th, 2007 at 1:16 pm
Damn it Sorgi, sit down right Meow!
November 13th, 2007 at 1:16 pm
Sorgi, I’m gonna have an orgy with your entrails and organs, and then I’m gonna strangle Vinatieri with ‘em.
November 13th, 2007 at 1:16 pm
Vanderjagt !
November 13th, 2007 at 1:18 pm
Maj is going to be SO pissed!
November 13th, 2007 at 1:18 pm
I am not an elephant! I am not an animal! I am a human being! I am a man!
November 13th, 2007 at 1:19 pm
PALPATINE: Power! Unlimited power!
November 13th, 2007 at 1:19 pm
I can has extra chromosome?
November 13th, 2007 at 1:21 pm
“Khaaaaaan!” F-ing awesome, I’m still laughing.
November 13th, 2007 at 1:22 pm
“You are good to me master. I’m sorry. “
I’ve got multiple nephews and a neice, I’ve had to listen to Quasimodo about 4,000 times in the last few years.
November 13th, 2007 at 1:24 pm
Sorgi remains missing. The only clue in his disappearance is a bloody clipboard, found in a rest area men’s room off I-70. Foul play is suspected.
November 13th, 2007 at 1:24 pm
“Think you’re getting more ‘face’ time than me Norv?”
November 13th, 2007 at 1:25 pm
“I hope John and Al are mentioning how the rain, y’know, affects things.”
November 13th, 2007 at 1:28 pm
“When is this Writers Guild Strike going to end!!! I miss NCIS already!”
November 13th, 2007 at 1:28 pm
“Damn, my face has been stuck like this ever since Cromartie popped my O-ring”
November 13th, 2007 at 1:30 pm
Get this fucking game over with! I’ve got a Daewoo commercial shoot I’ve got to get to!
November 13th, 2007 at 1:30 pm
Unngghhhh…well, Coach can stop looking for that lost crucifix.
November 13th, 2007 at 1:32 pm
I’ve got a fever, and the only prescription is more Sorgi nipples!
November 13th, 2007 at 1:32 pm
“Country music singers suck cock like this…”
November 13th, 2007 at 1:32 pm
“Quellek… by Grabthar’s hammer… by the Sons of Warvan… you shall be… avenged!!! “
November 13th, 2007 at 1:34 pm
THIS IS SPARTA!
November 13th, 2007 at 1:35 pm
TONIGHT WE DINE IN HELL!!!!!!!!
(that means you too Dungy)
November 13th, 2007 at 1:36 pm
I’m not perfect, but who are we kidding, neither are you.
November 13th, 2007 at 1:36 pm
“SEDAGIVE”?!?
November 13th, 2007 at 1:37 pm
FIRE…BAD!!!
November 13th, 2007 at 1:43 pm
… and if I push on Sorgi’s head, Peyton’s neck comes up. Cool, huh?
November 13th, 2007 at 1:48 pm
FUCK! Eli’s gonna be all, “So…I only threw 2 INTs. How’d YOU do?” That fuckin’ panzy. FUUUUUUUCK!!!!
November 13th, 2007 at 1:51 pm
Fuck it. At least the Pats didn’t win either. What? Bye week? FUUUUCCCCKKK!
November 13th, 2007 at 1:53 pm
Captain Howdy, do you think my mom’s pretty? Captain Howdy? Captain Howdy, that isn’t very nice!
November 13th, 2007 at 1:55 pm
This is more homosexual than when I saw Bill Simmons and Collin Cowherd make out… on my DIRECT TV.
November 13th, 2007 at 1:55 pm
The blood is life… and it shall be mine.
November 13th, 2007 at 1:56 pm
Private Joker: Are those… live rounds?
Private Gomer Pyle: Seven-six-two millimeter. Full. Metal. Jacket.
November 13th, 2007 at 1:57 pm
Hey Jimmy? You were right…my attempt at being Rex Grossman for a week has been successful. Wait, what? He won yesterday?
You know what Sorgi? I swear to everything holy that your mother will cry when she sees what I’ve done to you!!!!
November 13th, 2007 at 2:00 pm
For the last time Sorgi, you’re not fucking starting next week!
November 13th, 2007 at 2:01 pm
“I should want to cook him a simple meal, but I shouldn’t want to cut into him, to tear the flesh, to wear the flesh, to be born unto new worlds where his flesh becomes my key.”
November 13th, 2007 at 2:03 pm
Shut up QUADO!!!
November 13th, 2007 at 2:04 pm
“Put the fucking lotion in the basket! “
November 13th, 2007 at 2:09 pm
DAMMIT NORV! GET OUT OF MY HEAD.
November 13th, 2007 at 2:09 pm
+1 Pemulis.
“What is the law?”
“Don’t walk on all fours”
November 13th, 2007 at 2:10 pm
Dad, come on…that hurts.
November 13th, 2007 at 2:12 pm
Look, at least I can do a good impression of a snapping turtle.
November 13th, 2007 at 2:26 pm
I didn’t break the law…. I AM THE LAW
November 13th, 2007 at 2:29 pm
Quaaaaaaid….start the reactor.
November 13th, 2007 at 2:32 pm
I’m like King Midas in reverse here. Everything I touch turns to shit.
(thanks Tony)
November 13th, 2007 at 2:36 pm
@Sisto
+1
November 13th, 2007 at 2:45 pm
“It puts the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose AGAIN!”
November 13th, 2007 at 2:53 pm
Sorgi: “Peyton, what is best in life?”
Peyton: “To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of the women!”
November 13th, 2007 at 2:55 pm
Sorgi, get me the Pepto Bismol! NOW!
November 13th, 2007 at 2:58 pm
I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it.
November 13th, 2007 at 3:09 pm
ANIMAL! A-NI-MAL!
November 13th, 2007 at 3:11 pm
Mongo only pawn in game of life.
November 13th, 2007 at 3:18 pm
“Hey, want to see my impression of Nicholson in The Shining?”
November 13th, 2007 at 3:18 pm
sorgi: clever girl…
peyton: *attacks and kills sorgi
November 13th, 2007 at 3:18 pm
It makes the chip shot from within
Or else it gets the hose again
November 13th, 2007 at 3:38 pm
“Sorgi, I’ve been watchin’ you and I know that you know that I’ve been watchin’ you. How would you like to fuck me up the ass? When I bend over… START FUCKING!”
November 13th, 2007 at 3:39 pm
“‘And I FEEEEL iiit! And I FEEEL iiit!.’ Sorgi, I’monna burn this and give it back to you tomorrow, k?”
November 13th, 2007 at 3:40 pm
what is that peculiar oder?
blaaaarrrruuuuurrrreeeeeehhhhuuuppp!
hmmm yes, peyton… allright then.
November 13th, 2007 at 3:46 pm
IM CHARGIN MA LAZZZERRSSS
November 13th, 2007 at 3:49 pm
“Hey, Vanderjagt! FUCK YOU” “Peyton, it’s me Jim.” “Vinatieri? Ah, then you’re OK.”
November 13th, 2007 at 3:49 pm
I’m late to the game, but I’ll use this audio clip for the win.
November 13th, 2007 at 4:00 pm
Sorgi: Nice weather we’re having.
Peyton: What are you, a fucking weatherman?
November 13th, 2007 at 4:01 pm
Peyton Manning, right, is the chairman of NADS (Neanderthals Afflicted with Downs Syndrome) and had this to say following his 6 INT performance Sunday, “Peyton make Doodie Pants.”
November 13th, 2007 at 4:05 pm
Is Peyton looking at me? I think he’s looking at me. I hope he’s not mad. Oh shit I think he’s mad. Don’t look, Jim, stay in your happy place.
November 13th, 2007 at 4:09 pm
“…I drove an eighty thousand dollar BMW here Sorgi, you took the FUCKING BUS!”
November 13th, 2007 at 4:11 pm
Holy shit Pey-Pey, interception number 6 looks REALLY bad on the Jumbo-Tron…What are you doing with a chainsaw at a football game?
November 13th, 2007 at 4:24 pm
Peyton: “I’m going to count to three. There will be no four. When I count three, so help me, if you’re not outta my fuckin’ face I’m eating your children tonight. You got that Sorgi?”
Sorgi: “Uh, can I ask a question?”
Peyton: “Three. You just did numbnuts and now your children will be mine with hot sauce, bitch.”
November 13th, 2007 at 4:29 pm
“Am I the only one who gives a shit about the rules?? MARK IT ZERO!”
November 13th, 2007 at 4:32 pm
love my neck…want it back
November 13th, 2007 at 4:35 pm
Throw the rock, Mitch!
November 13th, 2007 at 4:41 pm
Hey asshat, the league’s already got a #12 with an inflated sense of self-importance.
November 13th, 2007 at 4:45 pm
Yeah! Get him a body bag!
November 13th, 2007 at 4:55 pm
Must..not…become…Eli.
November 13th, 2007 at 5:01 pm
“You think i’m shit, Jim Sorgi? Well, you’re wrong, ’cause I’m champagne, and you’re shit. Until the day you die, Jim Sorgi, you, not me, will always be shit”
November 13th, 2007 at 5:08 pm
“Peyton, look in the place where you dare not look and you find me there–staring back at you.”
“Get out of my mind!”
November 13th, 2007 at 5:09 pm
Or:
Peyton: “I’m a soldier, man, a fucking soldier!”
Sorgi: “Damn, you need a hug or a role model or something.”
November 13th, 2007 at 5:19 pm
@pistol and nhz: good ones
November 13th, 2007 at 5:25 pm
I drive a dodge stratus!
November 13th, 2007 at 5:30 pm
Rose….bud.
November 13th, 2007 at 5:39 pm
I used to think lockjaw was an old wives tale but man, this shit hurts!
November 13th, 2007 at 5:48 pm
omg I really have to poop!
November 13th, 2007 at 5:56 pm
this is a laser rocket arm, the strongest laser rocket arm known to man. i hit you with this, itll leave a two foot hole going out the other side. now i know youre wondering, can i hit one of my own players today? well, do you feel lucky? do ya, punk?
November 13th, 2007 at 6:30 pm
Peyton: “So I got benched for this guy? The jackoff from ‘Blue’s Clues’? I thought you were fuckin’ dead.”
November 13th, 2007 at 6:40 pm
peyton: “i’m so angry i could kick this bench right now only if it was made of something fluffy!”
jim: “memo, first thing in the morning: call hairdresser and arrange session for thursday. need to fix this hair over sideburns asap”
November 13th, 2007 at 6:50 pm
i sure hope magic johnson will let me borrow his aids cure
November 13th, 2007 at 6:53 pm
Sloth love Chunk.
November 13th, 2007 at 7:41 pm
“If i don’t look at him, he won’t won’t hurt me”
November 13th, 2007 at 8:04 pm
WHY WON’T THE BITCH GET AN ABORTION?!
November 13th, 2007 at 8:23 pm
BRAAADDDYYYY!!!!
November 13th, 2007 at 8:28 pm
@ don’t call me shirley:
Yeah, that’s going to be tough to top.
November 13th, 2007 at 8:34 pm
“Oh Hamburgers.”
November 13th, 2007 at 8:47 pm
“Don’t you fucking look at me!”
November 13th, 2007 at 8:53 pm
“like you’ve never thrown an interception…MORON!!!!”
November 13th, 2007 at 9:28 pm
I am Peyton’s Raging Bile Duct
November 13th, 2007 at 9:31 pm
Soo, soolaimon
Soolai, soolai, soolaimon
…
God of my day, day, day
Lord of my night, night, night
Seek for the way, way, way
Taking me home
November 13th, 2007 at 9:53 pm
“I DRIVE A DODGE STRATUS!”
November 13th, 2007 at 10:01 pm
“Hey, knob bobber, this is where YOUR dick goes!”
November 13th, 2007 at 11:36 pm
“AHHHHH…I found the f’ning missing kicking tee!!! Venatari, YOU Dick!!!”
November 14th, 2007 at 12:25 am
Peyton: Sorgi.
Sorgi: Stay away.
Peyton: Darling. Light, of my life. I’m not gonna hurt ya. You didn’t let me finish my sentence. I said, I’m not gonna hurt ya. I’m just gonna bash your brains in. I’m gonna bash ‘em right the fuck in. Ha, ha.
November 14th, 2007 at 12:27 am
“I don’t know what that blasted shark is gonna do with it - might eat it, I suppose. Seen one eat a rockin’ chair one time.”
November 14th, 2007 at 2:57 am
Sorgi! CLipboard! Fuck!
November 14th, 2007 at 3:01 am
didn’t see this yet…
“CUNT!”
simple, effective, and the ladies love it.
November 14th, 2007 at 8:22 am
Sorgi, for the fuckin’ sixth time, stop watching the damn “Interception Montage”!
November 14th, 2007 at 10:12 am
AAAHHHH! That’s a warface. Sorgi, if you don’t make one soon, I’m going to gauge out your eyeballs and skullfuck you!
November 14th, 2007 at 10:48 am
My name’s Chucky, wanna plaaaaayyy?
November 14th, 2007 at 10:49 am
I am Zuul. I am the Gatekeeper.
November 14th, 2007 at 12:01 pm
Jimmy, you still up for Dave and Busters after the game?
November 14th, 2007 at 12:40 pm
I AM SPARTICUS!
November 14th, 2007 at 12:54 pm
“This is my angry yawn, when I get so pissed off I become sleepy!”
November 14th, 2007 at 1:01 pm
“Be ready! Cause I tend to get ‘handsy’ in the shower after a loss.”
wv: ytevstao
Speaking as a Steve Smith owner: Y testaverde? indeed
November 14th, 2007 at 1:08 pm
“Dreembot sez ‘Cheez’ fer Khamruh!”
November 14th, 2007 at 4:58 pm
HOTWATERBURNBABY
HOTWATERBURNBABY
November 14th, 2007 at 8:27 pm
FUCK YOU, that’s my name!
November 15th, 2007 at 3:02 am
If you don’t make eye contact then Mannings won’t attack. They’re more scared of you than you are of them, actually.