KSK Kollaborative Kaption Kontest
11.13.07
KSK Reader Raphael was good enough to send us this Hi-Def screen grab of Peyton Manning on the bench in the midst of the Colts’ loss to San Diego on Sunday. Yes, we’re still talking about the Sunday night game, especially since last night’s game was like watching painted grass drying, while growing. Anyway, we’ve decided to open this up to the floor. The ground rules:
1) No references to AIDS, the jungle, or sub-Saharan Africa, and
2) Just kidding, there are no ground rules.
We’ll kick it off, then you can slice like a fucking hammer in the comments.
“Hey, Jim. Jimmy. Jimmy! Do I have anything in my teeth?”
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If you don’t make eye contact then Mannings won’t attack. They’re more scared of you than you are of them, actually.
FUCK YOU, that’s my name!
HOTWATERBURNBABY
HOTWATERBURNBABY
“Dreembot sez ‘Cheez’ fer Khamruh!”
“Be ready! Cause I tend to get ‘handsy’ in the shower after a loss.”
wv: ytevstao
Speaking as a Steve Smith owner: Y testaverde? indeed
“This is my angry yawn, when I get so pissed off I become sleepy!”
I AM SPARTICUS!
Jimmy, you still up for Dave and Busters after the game?
I am Zuul. I am the Gatekeeper.
My name’s Chucky, wanna plaaaaayyy?
AAAHHHH! That’s a warface. Sorgi, if you don’t make one soon, I’m going to gauge out your eyeballs and skullfuck you!
Sorgi, for the fuckin’ sixth time, stop watching the damn “Interception Montage”!
didn’t see this yet…
“CUNT!”
simple, effective, and the ladies love it.
Sorgi! CLipboard! Fuck!
“I don’t know what that blasted shark is gonna do with it – might eat it, I suppose. Seen one eat a rockin’ chair one time.”
Peyton: Sorgi.
Sorgi: Stay away.
Peyton: Darling. Light, of my life. I’m not gonna hurt ya. You didn’t let me finish my sentence. I said, I’m not gonna hurt ya. I’m just gonna bash your brains in. I’m gonna bash ‘em right the fuck in. Ha, ha.
“AHHHHH…I found the f’ning missing kicking tee!!! Venatari, YOU Dick!!!”
“Hey, knob bobber, this is where YOUR dick goes!”
“I DRIVE A DODGE STRATUS!”
Soo, soolaimon
Soolai, soolai, soolaimon
…
God of my day, day, day
Lord of my night, night, night
Seek for the way, way, way
Taking me home
I am Peyton’s Raging Bile Duct
“like you’ve never thrown an interception…MORON!!!!”
“Don’t you fucking look at me!”
“Oh Hamburgers.”
@ don’t call me shirley:
Yeah, that’s going to be tough to top.
BRAAADDDYYYY!!!!
WHY WON’T THE BITCH GET AN ABORTION?!
“If i don’t look at him, he won’t won’t hurt me”
Sloth love Chunk.
i sure hope magic johnson will let me borrow his aids cure
peyton: “i’m so angry i could kick this bench right now only if it was made of something fluffy!”
jim: “memo, first thing in the morning: call hairdresser and arrange session for thursday. need to fix this hair over sideburns asap”
Peyton: “So I got benched for this guy? The jackoff from ‘Blue’s Clues’? I thought you were fuckin’ dead.”
this is a laser rocket arm, the strongest laser rocket arm known to man. i hit you with this, itll leave a two foot hole going out the other side. now i know youre wondering, can i hit one of my own players today? well, do you feel lucky? do ya, punk?
omg I really have to poop!
I used to think lockjaw was an old wives tale but man, this shit hurts!
Rose….bud.
I drive a dodge stratus!
@pistol and nhz: good ones
Or:
Peyton: “I’m a soldier, man, a fucking soldier!”
Sorgi: “Damn, you need a hug or a role model or something.”
“Peyton, look in the place where you dare not look and you find me there–staring back at you.”
“Get out of my mind!”
“You think i’m shit, Jim Sorgi? Well, you’re wrong, ’cause I’m champagne, and you’re shit. Until the day you die, Jim Sorgi, you, not me, will always be shit”
Must..not…become…Eli.
Yeah! Get him a body bag!
Hey asshat, the league’s already got a #12 with an inflated sense of self-importance.
Throw the rock, Mitch!
love my neck…want it back
“Am I the only one who gives a shit about the rules?? MARK IT ZERO!”
Peyton: “I’m going to count to three. There will be no four. When I count three, so help me, if you’re not outta my fuckin’ face I’m eating your children tonight. You got that Sorgi?”
Sorgi: “Uh, can I ask a question?”
Peyton: “Three. You just did numbnuts and now your children will be mine with hot sauce, bitch.”
Holy shit Pey-Pey, interception number 6 looks REALLY bad on the Jumbo-Tron…What are you doing with a chainsaw at a football game?
“…I drove an eighty thousand dollar BMW here Sorgi, you took the FUCKING BUS!”
Is Peyton looking at me? I think he’s looking at me. I hope he’s not mad. Oh shit I think he’s mad. Don’t look, Jim, stay in your happy place.
Peyton Manning, right, is the chairman of NADS (Neanderthals Afflicted with Downs Syndrome) and had this to say following his 6 INT performance Sunday, “Peyton make Doodie Pants.”
Sorgi: Nice weather we’re having.
Peyton: What are you, a fucking weatherman?
I’m late to the game, but I’ll use this audio clip for the win.
“Hey, Vanderjagt! FUCK YOU” “Peyton, it’s me Jim.” “Vinatieri? Ah, then you’re OK.”
IM CHARGIN MA LAZZZERRSSS
what is that peculiar oder?
blaaaarrrruuuuurrrreeeeeehhhhuuuppp!
hmmm yes, peyton… allright then.
“‘And I FEEEEL iiit! And I FEEEL iiit!.’ Sorgi, I’monna burn this and give it back to you tomorrow, k?”
“Sorgi, I’ve been watchin’ you and I know that you know that I’ve been watchin’ you. How would you like to fuck me up the ass? When I bend over… START FUCKING!”
It makes the chip shot from within
Or else it gets the hose again
sorgi: clever girl…
peyton: *attacks and kills sorgi
“Hey, want to see my impression of Nicholson in The Shining?”
Mongo only pawn in game of life.
ANIMAL! A-NI-MAL!
I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it.
Sorgi, get me the Pepto Bismol! NOW!
Sorgi: “Peyton, what is best in life?”
Peyton: “To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of the women!”
“It puts the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose AGAIN!”
@Sisto
+1
I’m like King Midas in reverse here. Everything I touch turns to shit.
(thanks Tony)
Quaaaaaaid….start the reactor.
I didn’t break the law…. I AM THE LAW
Look, at least I can do a good impression of a snapping turtle.
Dad, come on…that hurts.
+1 Pemulis.
“What is the law?”
“Don’t walk on all fours”