Listen, Mac: I don’t aim to waste your time. I don’t feel any particular antipathy toward you and yours and you probably feel likewise. I’m just trying to give you the skinny, the score. Pin back your eyes for a moment and don’t raise any rumpus. This daylight savings time has me all out of sorts.

What we need here is a return to the norm, the norm being defined as the tradition of a single year. That, of course, is the election of Kissing Suzy Kolber as the internet’s best sports blog, as defined by a sample size of a tinker’s damn, if you pardon my Gallic tendencies. That’s what we’ve come to value as order, something the Italian families valued above all else. Because, if there’s anything Italians are known for, it’s getting things done in time, and screwing over the schmatas.

Don’t give me the high hat, just hear me out. I know I’m not the pulchritude of a Lucy Pinder, but I’m a man who knows what he likes. And what I like is being type cast as a voluble old-timey gangster. I can speak in hard boiled slang until the chippies come home or wherever it is they distribute Carnal Knowlege correctly.