I hate making homer bets the way conservative politicians hate hot stinky man-ass. But sometimes the urge for that sweet sweet action builds inside of you like a a benign tumor. Last week I tempted fate and bet against the Patriots for the first time this season. Of course I did it because I’m a pathetic fucking homer who should know better by now. There was no way that my Redskins could lose by such an expansive margin as 17 points!
Yep, I’m a dipshit…but at least I’m not Gregg Williams. Fuck that guy. After all, I did profit off of the three other investments.
Fortunately all of that is behind us. It’s a new week and I’m ready to get back with the
Rent Checks Patriots.
New England -6 at Indianapolis
(Risking 100 to win 91)
The Colts are playing as well as ever having won twelve straight. They’ve enjoyed a great deal of recent success against the team they are hosting…and they’re getting six points. It’s unfuckingreal when you think about it, but that’s all meaningless right now. New England is the hot shit and everybody knows that they’re untouchable.
They remind me of the aliens at the beginning of Independence Day. They don’t seem to worry about anything, they just chill up in the stratosphere and blow shit up on a whim. You can throw all you have at them if you so choose, but it will just blow up in your face. What we need is a Jeff Goldblum. Some brilliant scientific mind who can send a virus through their impenetrable defenses. Unfortunately Tony Dungy is not a man of science, he’s a man of god. He probably doesn’t even believe in aliens.
I hope that this jinx and my monetary sacrifice will appease the Gods and bring about the downfall of New England…but I’d also take the money (if they win and don’t cover the Potomac will run red with kitten blood).
Lighten the Mood Parlay!
(Risk 25 to win 153)
Washington -4 at New York Jets
They aren’t that bad. Are they?
Buffalo +1 vs. Cincinnati
If these two cities didn’t have NFL franchises would you even know they existed?
Cleveland -1.5 vs. Seattle
All hail Horse Balls.
Enjoy your weekend.
I want more like this!
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