We Tried…
Your cheerleader is whats-her-face from some team. She has no face, or a head, even, but all the essential parts are there.
Before we close out the week, it’s only fair to show you a behind-the-scenes glimpse of this humble blog’s inner dealings.
A couple nights ago, our blog’s fantasy football contest winner and resident shiksa Sarah Schorno sent us this humble and (seemingly) simple request:
Hey guys,
I’ve been offered a sports column for [redacted] and I need to come up with a name for it. It has to be provocative and slightly naughty yet still sports related. My editor wants to call it Sarah Schorno’s Got Balls (which is awful).
A little about the column: it’ll be a mix of profiles and commentaries on different sports, sports figures and issues. The commentaries will be similar to my Huffington Post pieces but much less buttoned up and more provocative.
I figured that you guys would have some insight and amidst the ridiculous suggestions you’re all about to send me I might get something I can use.
- Sarah
Needless to say; this was a wonderful idea on her part. I mean, we’re creative! Flubby even quipped, “If only there was a ribald word that rhymed with ‘Schorno…’” Unfortunately, as the list below would indicate, that was as clever as the naming session would get, as we proceed to make the people that tried to name their kid “4real” look like a couple of Rhodes scholars.
You know, sometimes we hit gold when we throw something up here. Sometimes we don’t. But keep in mind for every crappy Packers preview that you (can’t) read in this space, there are scores of passages, fake interviews, and gimmickry that even we couldn’t stomach seeing here.
Anyway, the list of suggested column names. Enjoy your weekend and the games.
Thanks For the Mammaries
Teacher Takes A Two-Pronged Dildo Up Her Oily Ass
Grass on the Field
The Poon Cut Crew
Sarah Schorno’s Got Balls On Her Chin
Schornography (okay, I was impressed with this one)
Former Dorm Ho with Sarah Schorno
A is for Athletics…and My Cup Size
Will Fondle Jews For Sports Insight
Dirty Freddy Sanchez
Sarah’s Position
Sports on Sarah
In The Tunnel With Sarah
Remember the Fallopians
We Are…Menstral !
Huffing On Post
Pole Position
Winning Streaker
The Penetrator
I Don’t Mind Anal As Long As It Follows A Nice Meal
Monday Morning Cum Dumpster (Boo)
Medial Collateral Labbia
Head To Head with Sarah
Bumping Uglies with Sarah
Let Me Talk About Sports As I Hunt For My Child’s Legitimate Father
Establishing the Pass with Sarah
Hoggin’ Balls In Jersey
I Am Dickless But Still Kinda Know Stuff
Fluffin’ Sports Weekly
The Last Girl Scout
Camel Turf Toe
I Wear Makeup Because Daddy Hates Me
Grand Theft Schorno
The Fifth Period, Which Is About Ten Days Late
The Slumpbuster
A Mouthful Of Comeuppance
Always Be Covering Up When The Lights Are On
Leading Off At Centerfold
Life’s a Bitch and So Am I
Sarah Plain and LOL
Tags: dont let us name your baby, we could do this all day, well go with fuckshit if its a boy or smokepussy if its
October 12th, 2007 at 4:37 pm
Well, it’s about time Barely Legal got itself a sports column.
October 12th, 2007 at 4:38 pm
It has to be provocative and slightly naughty yet still sports related. My editor wants to call it Sarah Schorno’s Got Balls (which is awful).
A little about the column: it’ll be a mix of profiles and commentaries on different sports, sports figures and issues. The commentaries will be similar to my Huffington Post pieces but much less buttoned up and more provocative.
Provocative Provocations?
October 12th, 2007 at 4:42 pm
Schorno for Pyros
October 12th, 2007 at 4:42 pm
It’s the Tits
It has several meanings, you see….
October 12th, 2007 at 4:42 pm
We Are…Menstral !
AKA: Best damn period…Sports Show?
October 12th, 2007 at 4:48 pm
Holy shit. Am I actually going to get better suggestions from the commenters?
That’s embarrassing boys.
October 12th, 2007 at 4:50 pm
Phil Simms’ Super Bowl (Tongue) Ring… Blog
October 12th, 2007 at 4:52 pm
Clever Cleavage….its alliteration bitches
October 12th, 2007 at 4:52 pm
Pap Smear Sports with Sarah Schorno?
October 12th, 2007 at 4:55 pm
HoneyDo Sports Blog
October 12th, 2007 at 4:56 pm
Schornery Old Cuss
You Didn’t Pick Otto Man And Now You’re Stuck With Me
October 12th, 2007 at 4:58 pm
Freshly Schorn
October 12th, 2007 at 4:59 pm
We all can’t be Baby Mommas
October 12th, 2007 at 5:00 pm
I may be Schorn but you can still play ball?
October 12th, 2007 at 5:01 pm
“Freshly Schorn”
It’s quite breathtaking…
How about Chick on Dicks?
October 12th, 2007 at 5:01 pm
We dropped the ball when we gave this chick a column?
or the always popular
The Cuntender.
October 12th, 2007 at 5:03 pm
Athletically Estrogenistic
October 12th, 2007 at 5:03 pm
Schorno Knows Balls
October 12th, 2007 at 5:04 pm
Swallowing Sports?
October 12th, 2007 at 5:05 pm
Provocative and Slightly Naughty with Schorno.
Fry-Throater.
Sports, brah.
DT Schorno (and I don’t Defensive Tackle anything).
Putting it in the hole.
Blitzing the Ends [it's snappy]
Sports, no water, just sports.
Anonymous Sports in a Public Restroom
Weekly Dick Joke Jambor…(shit)
Illegal use of the hands, fuck it, I’m naughty right?, vag, that’s right illegal use of the vag.
Sassy “Cool Chick” Talk about Guy Stuff Corner
I only pretend to like sports so guys will think I’m cool with Sarah
October 12th, 2007 at 5:05 pm
The I’m going to make you think you might have a chance to fuck me, but you’re definitely not going to fuck me Sports Revue
October 12th, 2007 at 5:08 pm
The Balls
October 12th, 2007 at 5:13 pm
Still more Manly then Simmons
October 12th, 2007 at 5:21 pm
Tom Brady’s Next Knocked Up Chick
October 12th, 2007 at 5:27 pm
Balls Deep in Schorno
October 12th, 2007 at 5:39 pm
Freshly Schorno and Free Ballin’
October 12th, 2007 at 5:40 pm
Schorndog The Horndog
October 12th, 2007 at 5:57 pm
A SPECTACULAR Boob by Sarah Schorno!
October 12th, 2007 at 6:04 pm
SportsGirl365 said…
Holy shit. Am I actually going to get better suggestions from the commenters? That’s embarrassing boys.
You could always leave it up to your commenters at Strike Zones & End Zones. Between the two of them they ought to be able to come up with something.
October 12th, 2007 at 6:19 pm
Dont you mean “SPANKS for the mammaries?”
I am dickless but still kinda know stuff and camel turf tow are both gold.
Balls Deep or Faces Loaded maybe?
October 12th, 2007 at 6:41 pm
Multiple Scoregasms With Sarah
October 12th, 2007 at 7:13 pm
I don’t mind anal as long as it follows a nice meal takes the cake. though will fondle jews for sports insight is both clever, and true.
There really is nothing quite like a Schorn scrotum, I suggest you try it, it’s quite breathtaking.
October 12th, 2007 at 7:45 pm
Backside Pressure
October 12th, 2007 at 7:46 pm
Serious Backside Pressure
October 12th, 2007 at 7:50 pm
Backdoor Alley-oop
October 12th, 2007 at 8:12 pm
I don’t have any original material naturally, but “Bumping Uglies” could be a good one, and it sort of almost passes as a sports-related term. I’m also a fan of “Backside Pressure”.
October 12th, 2007 at 8:41 pm
Splittin’ the Gap Schorno
October 12th, 2007 at 9:17 pm
Here’s a couple of ideas
-MY tits are smaller then Peter King’s
-The less annoying Sports Gal
-I’ll never be respected no matter how insightful this is
-Hit a touchdown with Sarah Schorno (not really dirty but funny)
-Friday Night Lights Off with Sarah Schorno
October 12th, 2007 at 9:28 pm
The parents who tried to man their kid 4real should be shot, violated by Shawne Merriman and shot again. Imagine having to go through high school with the name “4real”, or even just “real”.
October 12th, 2007 at 11:30 pm
How about:
Sports Bitch
Sports Ho
Sports Chick
Full Frontal Sports
Playing Ball with Sarah S.
SportSexxy (OK, that one’s pretty lame, I was channeling JT there)
Getting to Third Base with Sarah S.
White Chick On Sports
Tom Brady’s Next Baby Mama
K, that’s it, I’m spent.
October 12th, 2007 at 11:54 pm
I vote for, “Schorno’s Sports Porno”
October 12th, 2007 at 11:57 pm
Halfway In and It Hurts Too Much with Sarah
Ladies…(huh?)
At Least I Have a Clitenis with Sarah
Lifetime Sports or Oxygen Sports
Read My Post and I’ll Fellate this Bottle of Alcohol
October 13th, 2007 at 12:48 am
“Schorno’s Goatse Menagerie”
October 13th, 2007 at 1:00 am
Dick Fer-a-Meal
October 13th, 2007 at 1:28 am
Tits on a stick
October 13th, 2007 at 1:30 am
Inside the tanlines
October 13th, 2007 at 1:44 am
Pole smoking daily.
Doad-Throaters Anonymous.
It’s not DiGiorno, it’s sports Porno.
October 13th, 2007 at 2:36 am
Tainted by Jew.
October 13th, 2007 at 3:31 am
The Morning Afterglow
The Morning Afterbirth
Thighs Wide Open with Sarah Schorno
Beastiality
Arm Candy
The Schorno 500
Schorno’s Gag Reflex
Always Open with Sarah Schorno
Sweaty Balls
Even Easier than Milano
Ball Gag
Stop Looking at my Tits and Listen to Me
October 13th, 2007 at 8:51 am
Spreading the Field
Footsteps Falco
Missus Irrelevant
Under Center
Sports Agent Provocateuse
The Big Tease
My numbers are 365, 24, 7
Covering the Spread
After Brady knocks up Gisele, I’m next
Who’s Now
Joey Harrington’s Backup
October 13th, 2007 at 10:02 am
“Drafting Jared Lorenzen”
October 13th, 2007 at 11:05 am
How about Hitting The Seam with Sarah Schorno.
October 13th, 2007 at 12:49 pm
The Cleo Lemon Party
October 13th, 2007 at 3:37 pm
“I can’t define it, but I know Schornography when I see it.”, if you’re into supreme court references.
October 13th, 2007 at 4:22 pm
Whack Off To My Photo Already
October 13th, 2007 at 6:40 pm
“Finding the Five-Hole”?
October 13th, 2007 at 8:00 pm
How about:
“Are you going to watch football all day today?”
October 13th, 2007 at 9:57 pm
Up the Middle
Going up top
Posting up
Going Deep
It’s Long Enough, it’s Straight Enough…
Touchdown Jewess
October 14th, 2007 at 1:57 am
Out of Bounds with Sarah Schorno
Sarah Schorno’s Safe Word
Famous Jewish Sports Legends
Sarah Schorno’s Flea Flicker
And, seriously:
All Kinds of Time with Sarah Schorno
October 14th, 2007 at 10:00 am
Sarah Schorno is Wide Open
October 14th, 2007 at 11:16 am
Uncut sports with Sara Schorno
Sara Schorno Straps it On (hi mom!)
Mistress Sara’s Sports Show?
October 14th, 2007 at 12:13 pm
A Tale of a Schorn Girl and Her Merkin
October 14th, 2007 at 12:25 pm
“Look at how well I can articulate my thoughts on sports, even with a cock poking at my uvula!” with Sarah Schorno
October 14th, 2007 at 5:58 pm
Unrelated:
No Purple Jesus post yet?
October 15th, 2007 at 9:12 am
8 Men In Schorno’s Box
October 15th, 2007 at 9:49 am
Uncovered Two
The Clear Heals
Right-Half Bitch
Fumbling From My Red Zone
My Ass Parlayed With My Brain
October 15th, 2007 at 9:57 am
“Slumpbuster” Whoever came up with that is a fucking genious!
No offense sarah.
October 15th, 2007 at 10:02 am
One on One on Two With the Schorno
Deep Coverage
October 15th, 2007 at 10:09 am
Sarah Schorno’s Weekly Money Shot?
October 15th, 2007 at 1:01 pm
Playing the game above the rimjob with sarah
October 15th, 2007 at 1:04 pm
Sports Schornogasms (because a multiple is thrice as nice).
October 15th, 2007 at 4:31 pm
XX’s and O’s with Sarah Schorno
October 15th, 2007 at 5:05 pm
Behind the Box Score with Sarah Schorno
Sarah Schorno’s Locker Room Confidential
October 16th, 2007 at 11:52 pm
Swallowing Yankee Pride
Queen of the Viking Love Boat
Sarah Schorno: Taking 2. Daily
October 17th, 2007 at 5:50 pm
Put a Cunt On the Dumb One