Though receiving scant attention from the mainstream press, Marvin Lewis yesterday was continuing his mentoring program with Cincinnati-area at-risk youth.

Marvin Lewis: Okay, glad you could make out here today, uh…

At-risk youth: Terence Hawkins.

Marvin Lewis: Terence, right. Okay, I’m gonna let you take over for a bit. We’re up 3-0. We stopped the Steelers on their opening drive, but now they’re moving down the field. This is a critical point in the game. Our offense is playing well, but we don’t need to play catch-up on this defense. Whaddaya got for me?

At-risk youth: Okay, right. Okay. Yeah. I think I remember what my mans was telling me to do last week. Let’s try this…Madieu Williams, spin around real fast.

Madieu Williams: Whoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoa

At-risk youth: Cool. A’yo, Leon Hall. When Hines Ward makes a routine move to the inside I want you to run straight at that goal post.

Leon Hall: Goal post. Got it.

At-risk youth: Dhani Jones, take a seat.

Dhani Jones: Has anyone espied my copy of “Piscatorial Eclogues”? You would be ill-advised if you displaced my Dr. Cornel West bookmark.

Marvin Lewis: Okay, who are you subbing in for Jones?

At-risk youth: No one.

Marvin Lewis: But you only got 10 men on the field.

At-rish youth: ‘xactly. It’s called the 46 defense. Because four plus six equals ten. I learned that shit last week from the new Mick Boogie mixtape.

Marvin Lewis: What’s it called?

At-risk youth: ‘s called “Four Plus Six Equals Ten.”

Marvin Lewis: What does tha–

At-risk youth: It’s about drugs.

Marvin Lewis: But you can’t have only 10 men on the field. It makes it easier on the offense.

At-risk youth: Nah, nah, coach. My man told me ’bout this thing, right. Like, he told me, if you play 10 dudes on dis down, you can play, like, 12 on the next and shit. And you if you play nine dudes…

Marvin Lewis: YOU CAN PLAY 13! Oh, man. That is genius. Yo, Bresnahan.

Bresnahan: Yeah?

Marvin Lewis: You’re fired. Terence here is my new defensive coordinator.

(Bresnahan shrugs, walks away without bothering to take headset off.)

At-risk youth: Aight. I’m thinking, like, we play, like, five guys per play in the second quarter, then in the second half, we can play the whole team on defense.

Marvin Lewis: Fantastic. If Tomlin didn’t wear sunglasses all the damn time, you could see the terror in his eyes.

At-risk youth: Yo, can I get your prints on this gun, right quick?