The Lamest Conversation of All Time; Or, There Wasn’t Time for a Game of Squash
Friday Evening…
Me: Hi, Eli. Matt. Nice to meet you. Can I get a picture?
Eli Manning: Sure.
Me: Thanks.
Eli: …
Me: Wow. You’re really tall. That doesn’t come across on television.
Eli: Well, everyone else is tall, too.
Me: Ah. Well, good luck on Sunday… night, is it?
Eli: Yup. Thanks.
Tags: captain caveman, fuck you he's a nice boy, quarterbacks, Your lowly position as blog commenter makes it impossib
October 1st, 2007 at 12:38 pm
SCORE!
October 1st, 2007 at 12:41 pm
Ufford, I’m shocked, I would’ve expected your smile to be a lot more forced than his was. But Eli beats you in the forced smile department by a long shot.
October 1st, 2007 at 12:42 pm
First Namath, now Eli. That’s a polar to polar leap across the sexuality spectrum of New York quarterbacks.
October 1st, 2007 at 12:43 pm
What happened to the t-shirt and blazer look?
October 1st, 2007 at 12:45 pm
I see Ufford has been studying Simmons’ head shot.
October 1st, 2007 at 12:46 pm
Now, you need to get a shot w/Grossman…since he has nothing else to do with his time….
October 1st, 2007 at 12:50 pm
Your lowly position as blog commenter makes it impossible for me to respect your scorn
We need a “forgetting your roots” tag to go with that.
October 1st, 2007 at 12:53 pm
What’s the chances of those two guys running into to each other on Fire Island ?
October 1st, 2007 at 12:53 pm
I see Ufford has been studying Simmons’ head shot.
Yes, I’ve been practicing smiling and being white. It’s like we’re the same person!
October 1st, 2007 at 12:55 pm
Your top button appears to have fallen off.
October 1st, 2007 at 12:56 pm
Eli has the uneasy smile of a gentile at his first bar mitzvah
October 1st, 2007 at 12:58 pm
Scorn. Scorn. Scorn.
October 1st, 2007 at 1:02 pm
How convenient. Any other time there’d be a “gay gay gay” or “gay quarterbacks” tag. Drew, we need 20ccs of editing privelegs, stat.
October 1st, 2007 at 1:04 pm
Also, that stupid look on his face* makes it even harder to believe he beat the Eagles last night. Oh yeah, Winston Justice. Disregard.
*Eli’s face. Ufford, I could never disparage your translucent handsomeness.
October 1st, 2007 at 1:12 pm
Wow, you’re short CC.
October 1st, 2007 at 1:18 pm
the pirate sloth: Wow, you’re short CC.
Ufford: Well, everyone else is short, too.
October 1st, 2007 at 1:26 pm
“Fuck you he’s a nice boy”?
Damn, I wish Eli was like Vick.
October 1st, 2007 at 1:30 pm
all that signing bonus money and he still wears his dad’s suits.
wierd.
October 1st, 2007 at 1:34 pm
Off topic, but I’m thinking after Griese’s performance yesterday we might see a “return of the Sex Cannon” post this week.
October 1st, 2007 at 1:40 pm
Eli’s sporting the forced grin because years of conditioning here in NYC have him expecting a sucker punch at any moment.
October 1st, 2007 at 1:40 pm
Eli obviously thought he was talking to Richard Patrick.
Hey Man, Nice Shot
October 1st, 2007 at 1:55 pm
Besides being a blogger, who knew Ufford also acted in a Wrigley’s Extra gum commercial?
October 1st, 2007 at 1:55 pm
Why are you standing in a hole?
October 1st, 2007 at 1:57 pm
CC, nice chest ha… oh wait a minute…forget it.
And Eli looks like he needs to take a crap all over the Eagles again to get that constipated look off of his face.
October 1st, 2007 at 2:04 pm
Besides being a blogger, who knew Ufford also acted in a Wrigley’s Extra gum commercial?
Can’t be. That guy doesn’t have a receding hairline.
October 1st, 2007 at 2:07 pm
Huh. Manning’s 6′4? I always thought he was shorter. Maybe he wears crocs instead of cleats?
October 1st, 2007 at 2:21 pm
Did you feel weird the first time you went out wearing a blazer over a tee-shirt or an open shirt like that? When you first got into it, did you wear the same blazer each time or did you dive in head first and buy like three different ones?
October 1st, 2007 at 2:37 pm
I bet Eli was nervous to too. What with having his picture taken with his idol Johnny Bravo an all.
October 1st, 2007 at 2:49 pm
Sweet eyebrows.
October 1st, 2007 at 2:54 pm
When you first got into it, did you wear the same blazer each time or did you dive in head first and buy like three different ones?
Well, I’m a grown man living in one of the world’s largest cities. I own several sets of big-boy clothes. But I’m sure you have a much better sense of what I should wear, anonymous sports fan.
October 1st, 2007 at 3:02 pm
“Well, I’m a grown man living in one of the world’s largest cities. I own several sets of big-boy clothes. But I’m sure you have a much better sense of what I should wear, anonymous sports fan.”
More specifically in the borough where blazers are required, even if you’re wearing a t-shirt!
October 1st, 2007 at 3:02 pm
You know Eli fucked him.
October 1st, 2007 at 3:13 pm
Well, I’m a grown man living in one of the world’s largest cities. I own several sets of big-boy clothes. But I’m sure you have a much better sense of what I should wear, anonymous sports fan.
Geez, a simple “FUCK YOU” would have worked. I’m not sure why you feel like I attacked your sense of style. It was just a question from an anonymous blazer-curious sports fan.
October 1st, 2007 at 3:29 pm
Oh. Sorry, awful chief. I didn’t realize anyone was being sincere in this thread.
October 1st, 2007 at 3:41 pm
Hey, you’re cute- Or Fetus Face’s Brother just makes you look good.
Either way I’m kind of surprised…at your cuteness and Manning’s awful suite/tie combo circa New Bedford MA 1982. He looks like he’s headed to the VFW for a Confirmation celebration.
October 1st, 2007 at 3:52 pm
That picture is metro-fabulous.
October 1st, 2007 at 3:53 pm
By the way, which one of you won the Battle of the Chins?
October 1st, 2007 at 3:56 pm
Calm down about the suit jacket, people. Uff is still the same blogger you’ve always known and loved. And, by that, I mean he’s not wearing pants.
October 1st, 2007 at 3:58 pm
Also, add headgear and blond hair, and Eli would look just like Anthony Michael Hall in Sixteen Candles. Hott.
October 1st, 2007 at 4:00 pm
Eli: “Sorry to hear about you and Britney.”
CC: “Um, I’m not–yeah, it was tough. But I’m working through it.”
Eli: “I sure liked those Nationwide commercials, though.”
CC: “Um, thanks. Hey, I have a blog–”
Eli: “Could you get me in one of those commercials? I’m trying to catch up with Pey-Pey.”
CC: “Um, I’m not actually Fed–wait, you call your brother Pey-Pey?”
Eli, just at the moment the above photo was taken: “Um, I’m not actually Eli Manning.”
October 1st, 2007 at 4:00 pm
I see Eli is trying out the cheaper end of the escort market.
October 1st, 2007 at 4:08 pm
CC: I was in the Marines.
EM: Really?
CC: Yeah, I tell people every chance I get.
EM: That’s cool.
CC: I fought for your fucking freedom, you know.
EM: Well, um, thanks for doing that. I was going to join the Marines, but they said they don’t let (mumbles something incoherent).
CC: What was that last part?
EM: Nothing. Let’s get that picture taken, huh? (smiles awkwardly)
October 1st, 2007 at 4:47 pm
Eli Manning in: The Land of Inferior Brothers:
http://kitnaback.blogspot.com/2007/09/eli-manning-in-land-of-inferior.html
Sorry, couldn’t resist the plug considering the timing.
October 1st, 2007 at 5:13 pm
no, yum
October 1st, 2007 at 5:17 pm
This is like getting your picture taken with Frank Stallone. Totally unimpressive and pretty sad.
October 1st, 2007 at 5:32 pm
+1 Dick
October 1st, 2007 at 5:57 pm
It’s not like I expected you to do it, or anything Matt, but a quick Jay Feeley jab or even “Hey, even a drunken Scott Norwood with vertigo, who had to pee REALLY bad, would have nailed at least ONE of those three field goals.”
I say that, knowing full well I’d have been just as polite as you in the same situation.
October 1st, 2007 at 6:11 pm
Bad form comparing Matt to Simmons.
After all, I’m sure Matt is doing better than having 5,300 people pick NFL games better than him against the spread.
http://games.espn.go.com/pigskin/group?groupID=10463&entryIDFrom=25746&startPos=5300
The question is, was this a Guillotine or a Stomach Punch?
October 1st, 2007 at 6:57 pm
You totally had your hands on each other’s ass, didn’t you?
October 1st, 2007 at 7:10 pm
I’m sure you have a much better sense of what I should wear, anonymous sports fan.
Me-owwww!
Watch out, boys. This kitten’s got claws!
October 1st, 2007 at 7:12 pm
I don’t know why, but I’ve always pictured the Marines to have a minimum height requirement. Maybe they add your smartass quotient to get you to the big boy line. Or maybe THE UFF stood on his tippy toes?
October 1st, 2007 at 8:04 pm
I’ve always pictured KSK comments to have a minimum humor content requirement. Guess we were both wrong, deafjeff.
October 1st, 2007 at 8:42 pm
At least Eli looks showered.
October 1st, 2007 at 8:44 pm
The guy on the right cleaned my windshield the other day and asked for money.
October 1st, 2007 at 8:49 pm
I just want to point something out to you snobs and ne’er do wells. When you guys were criticizing Rex, did it ever occur to you that maybe, just maybe Lovie was playing his terrible, pansexual, substance-huffing gator ass for a reason?? We’re not dumb, he really was our best option.
October 2nd, 2007 at 2:35 am
I’ve always pictured the Marines to have a minimum height requirement. Maybe they add your smartass quotient to get you to the big boy line.
Wow, it’s almost like professional athletes with athletic pedigrees are taller than average folk who serve their country for less than minimum wage!
Where did YOU serve, cock?
October 2nd, 2007 at 5:46 am
Damn man, Uff’s turning the Douchebag knob to 11.
Calm down, spaz.
October 2nd, 2007 at 9:52 am
Wow, it’s almost like professional athletes with athletic pedigrees are taller than average folk who serve their country for less than minimum wage!
I understand your point here and everything, but what does income have to do with height?
October 2nd, 2007 at 10:42 am
what does income have to do with height?
More than you might think, if this article is correct.
October 2nd, 2007 at 10:43 am
fuck you he’s a nice boy
My grandmother used to say that about me all the time.
October 2nd, 2007 at 12:46 pm
Pretty pretty please tell me that Fenway is a chick. Otherwise, this thread went from hostile to awkward in less time then it takes Eli’s brother to find a companion at the bath-house.
October 2nd, 2007 at 12:48 pm
I don’t know if it’s the looks on their faces (Eli/nervous that he’s gonna have to put out, CC/certain that he’s going to get some tonight) or what, but there’s something about this picture that makes it look like it was taken at a senior prom.
October 2nd, 2007 at 2:53 pm
If you noticed, the deaf in deafjeff, I’m deaf, wouldn’t make a good soldier. But unless I am mistaken, there is no draft. That means, I think, you vounteered. Unless you a retard, you sort of knew what you getting into. I do appreciate you serving though.
October 2nd, 2007 at 4:31 pm
I’m not sure which one makes Ufford braver? Joining the marines, or posting a picture of himself on KSK?
To whichever commenter that was trashing Eli’s suit… I’d guess that suit cost more than your car.
October 2nd, 2007 at 8:17 pm
EM (To Himself): “Just keep thinking about that joke that Jeffords told me at the Downtown Athletic Club last night. The one about the Negro and the Jewish fellow…”
October 3rd, 2007 at 12:10 pm
First Elisha & Pey-Pey… That’s just golden.
Thank you for giving me that.