God dammit, NFL defenders. What the fuck is wrong with you? Did I not just offer you 30 whole dollars to take out Tom Brady’s knees? Someone even set up a Facebook group to push this cause on the grass roots level. And what do you do? You go out and injure all the SHITTY QB’s. Look at this list of QB’s who have missed time:

Trent Green
Jake Delhomme
David Carr
Kurt Warner
Matt Leinart
JP Losman
Steve McNair
Marc Bulger
Chad Pennington
Tarvaris Jackson
Vince Young

What’s the point of injuring David Carr? That’s like robbing the Take-a-penny tray at the Mobilmart. Look at him. He was fucking begging for you to injure him. Oooh, are you planning to take out John Fourcade next? Diabolical!

Fuckheads.

Stop wasting your time with these slapdicks and go after the big prize, you bastards. I’m talking the Bradys, and Favres, and Mannings of the world: the guys who like to rest a sandwich on Kornheiser’s head while he works their shafts. THOSE are the fuckers I would enjoy seeing writhing on the ground in agony. Instead, I get some piddly-shit VY quad injury. Fuck that. Stop wasting your time with these jayvee bitches. Use your head. There’s a helmet on top of it that is very hard and can break a fibula just *snap* like that.

And you call yourselves crazed dogs. You ain’t crazed SHIT.