What the fuck is this shit? I thought Sunday Night was Football Night ™? I was ready for a game. A football game. And now, here I sit, at 8 o’clock, after a full day of…stuff…and now YOU’RE TELLING ME THERE’S NO GODDAMN FOOTBALL ON TONIGHT?

I don’t want to…wait, what’s that? There’s no football…because of baseball? No, noooo, this is fucking bullshit. This is America, goddammit! We don’t cancel football for baseball. They cancel baseball for rain. For fucking rain, man! They can’t even stand up in the face of precipitation! We cancel games for when presidents get shot in convertibles, not for some lame-fuck baseball game. We can have a cocksucking game in tea-and-crumpets London, but not tonight? At its regulary-scheduled space in my life? Fucking bullshit, man.

This does it. I don’t wanna hear Jerome Bettis ever again, telling me that Sunday Night is, or was, whatever. Not if he’s gonna fold up his tent like some loafer-toting French infantryman every time baseball walks into town. As of now, Sunday Night Is Jerome Bettis Runs Like A Little Bitch Night. It wasn’t bad enough when Willie Parker ran you out of Pittsburgh. Now you’ve got Tim McCarver and that crooked little finger he keeps up Joe Buck’s ass running you off of the calendar. You’ve gotta represent, Jerome; this looks pretty fucking Grosse Pointe.

Leave it to fucking white people to ruin everything, man. Cocks.