Welcome back for another enlightening edition of Always Be Covering. Once again this week I have invested my own hard-earned (blogging at work) money in each one of the wagers listed below. Follow me if you want to live the good life.
Two straight weeks of profitability have left me drunken on confidence yet bored as shit. My 4-4 day was salvaged on Monday night when the Patriots easily cleared my “Ridiculous Line of the Week” and netted me a cool $40 (just enough to construct a prototype for my Bill Hobochick Halloween costume–bindle not included). This week I’ve decided to abandon the strategy of placing small wagers on half of the games in favor of a parlay and a teaser that will surely leave me looking dumber than Helen Keller with a mouth full of peanut butter.
2 Team Parlay: 28.52 to win 82.84
Pittsburgh -6 vs. Seattle
Houston -6 vs. Miami
I just really like betting on these teams. Both teams are coming off of their first non-covers of the season but they’re both a whole lot better than their opponents. The only way Miami could be any worse is if they brought Dave Wannstedt back into the fold. Ahman Green has been practicing and his step-father just passed away. He would have wanted them to cover. As for the other game–try to stay with me here–Pittsburgh is a lot better than Seattle.
3 Team Teaser (6 points): 60 to win 108
Arizona +2.5 at St. Louis
Indianapolis -4 vs. Tampa Bay
Green Bay +2.5 vs. Chicago
Teasers are really fucking stupid…UNTIL NOW! Look at those fuckin’ lines. Betting on Indy at home for less than a touchdown against a team without their best weapon while betting against Gus Frerotte and Brian Griese? It’s just like that time my golden goose had violent diarrhea after I fed it that violent diarrhea-inducing medicine. Then it died, so I gave it to the homeless.
Of course there is that other bet I might have mentioned…
The line changed a tad, but the bet is still worthwhile. I’ve now increased my bet on New England for the third consecutive week. Now we’re up to a $100 wager, by the end of the season I’ll be living here.
New England -17 vs. Cleveland
In case my earlier explanation was a bit too complex for you I’ve decided to put together a quick visual refresher.
So there you have it, you can either bet with me and get weed and sex or you can ignore me and die the death of a pauper.
I want more like this!
Follow Kissing Suzy Kolber on Facebook and get the latest NFL news & humor before everyone else.