I’m buying a car this weekend. WOO HOO! Oh yeah, bitch. I’m buying me the sexiest car on the market. I’m buying a car that’ll make panties drop the second it comes within eyeshot. It’s the kind of car that makes catcalls actually effective. This is the kind of car that elevates me to a greater status of human being, richer and sexier than the rest of you commoners. And that car, of course, is…


The Honda CRV. Oooh, baby. Don’t act like you aren’t jealous. This 4-cylinder honey can accommodate not one, but TWO baby seats. And it’s got a cassette deck. Is that Glacier Blue blinding your eyes? Why, yes it is. Advantage: Drew.

Anyway, in celebration of the biggest check I will ever write until my kid chooses an expensive college over a better state school, it’s time for vehicle draft. You’re in a high speed chase! The 5.0 be hot on yo tail! You need a vehicle that’s fast, with a dexterity of at least 17 or higher. The rules: Pick one vehicle. It can be any vehicle, real or imaginary. Let us also assume you have the money necessary to maintain it, or even trick it out. Once you pick a vehicle, wait 10 picks until you select another.

My pick. You know it…


In case you forgot, the Millenium Falcon did the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs. Don’t know what a parsec is? Well then, fuck you. It’s fast. It can outrun Imperial starships. Not local bulk-cruisers, mind you. I’m talking about the big Corellian ships now. Bitchin. Although I never understood why Han Solo’s ride was the only ship in the galaxy that could jump into hyperspace. Whatever. It’s mine. You ain’t catchin’ me, baby!