Emergency KSK Commenter Draft: Name This Baby
While we know quite a bit about Tom Brady and Bridget Moynahan, details about the kid are still sparse. We know it’s a boy and…well, that’s about it. Tom Brady, we must imagine, is surely overwhelmed with the realization that his life is now over. Yeah, being a dad is great and whatever (that’s what I read, anyway), but as he watches a promising career of pure bachelorhood evaporate before his eyes, his latest acquisition now toils in this mortal neo-natal world of ours, nameless.
Sadly, our newly-papoosed prodigal passer might be mere hours from being slapped with some ridiculous Hollywood-inspired child’s name like “Coco” or “Apple.” Or worse, he could spend his life shouldering even something more uninspired, like “4real” or “@.” Hey, @, how are you today? What’s that, @? Could you repeat that, @? What’s your email address, again?
We cannot let this happen. This is, after all, A Baby Of Destiny. We must rise to this occasion as voices of reason, and hope that, for all our collective efforts, one name stands above all. For this draft, you are naming this baby. You know the rules. I will go first.
Anakin Bootylicious Brady.
Pick a name. Wait ten picks. Pick another name. If you have time, mock and ridicule the ones that fuck this up. Time is a factor here. The fate of the future lies in your hands.
Go.
Tags: a baby of destiny, ksk commenter drafts, MMP, things going into or coming out of bridget moynahan, this is not a fucking drill people
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:13 pm
Bryce Maximus Brady. What, LeBron already named his kid that?
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:17 pm
Baby Jesus Brady the Second
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:18 pm
Superman
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:18 pm
4real Brady
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:19 pm
If you think that kid’s last name will be Brady, you don’t know much about baby mommas.
Tinkerbell Moynahan.
Revenge is a child best served cold.
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:19 pm
God
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:21 pm
Valdir Bundchen Brady
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:22 pm
I went with this one over at WL due to the fact that both his parents are Irish: Potato Famine Brady.
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:22 pm
Tuck Rule Moynahan
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:24 pm
Brad Beckham Brady…Because a jock and a actress are completely unoriginal
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:24 pm
Weakarm McScreenpass Brady
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:24 pm
Ahura Mazda Brady
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:24 pm
Construda Moynahan Brady.
It has a nice ring to it.
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:25 pm
Matt Light Moynahan. One of his five layers of protection let him down.
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:25 pm
Carlos Belichik Moynahan.
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:26 pm
Peyton Manning Moynahan. I mean really, could there be any sweeter revenge?
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:26 pm
Moms Meal Ticket Brady
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:27 pm
I -Could-Be-Your-Stepmom-OR-At-Least-Would-Like-to-Have-My-Shot-at-Fucking-Your-Dad.
Too long?
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:27 pm
Brady Quinn Brady
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:28 pm
@miamidiesel
+1
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:28 pm
Soda
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:28 pm
Don’t Let Belichick Around My Dad’s New Fling Cuz He’ll Steal Her Too Brady
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:29 pm
Eli Manning Brady…and yes diesal there is sweeter revenge
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:29 pm
Rex Grossman Jr.
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:29 pm
Pembroke Worthington Brady, future St. Paul’s Man.
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:29 pm
Mr. Baby
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:29 pm
Young Dirty Bastard Moynahan-Brady
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:31 pm
Mommy’s Little Jackpot
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:31 pm
Rich Uncle Pennybags
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:32 pm
Jizz-elle Brady
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:33 pm
Syphillis Brady
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:33 pm
Elmer Fudd Moynahan
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:33 pm
vanilla ice ice baby moynahan
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:33 pm
Senator Daniel Patrick Moynahan Brady
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:33 pm
Brady Quinn Moynahan
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:34 pm
Feathers Moynahan
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:34 pm
Seeking Weekday Daddy Moynahan
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:35 pm
Kige Ramsey Moynahan
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:35 pm
Masshole O’Douche Brady
Nickname: Sully
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:37 pm
optimus “one baby to rule them all” moynahan
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:37 pm
Dimaggio Jeter Brady….Eat it Bostonians
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:42 pm
Mo Lewis Moynahan
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:42 pm
Giselebert Brady
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:43 pm
Rikki Tikki Tavi Moynaghan-Brady
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:44 pm
Tomfucked Lefty Moynahan
(insert photoshop of Tom giving it to Lefty here)
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:45 pm
Osama-bin-Laden-and-Al-Qaeda-are-the-
shit Moynahan-Brady. Let’s see the so-called ‘Golden Boy’ run for President after that one…
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:46 pm
Fidelity 401k Moynahan.
Cause, really, isn’t that kid a guarantee she’ll never have to appear in Father of the Bride III, or soft-core porn?
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:46 pm
Misplas d’Cum O’Thomas Brady
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:47 pm
Michael Marcus Brady.
Because two Vicks are better than one.
He really ought to have “Peyton” in there somewhere, though.
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:47 pm
Ronald Mexico Brady, “Mex” for short
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:48 pm
Already Overrated Brady
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:49 pm
George Dubya Brady…He is popular in red states
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:49 pm
Simmons’ Daughter’s Future Date Rapist Moynahan
feel free to substitute “Impregnator” if I’m being too horrific.
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:50 pm
Tom Is-my-baby-daddy Brady-Moynahan
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:50 pm
pussy shrapnel moynahan
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:51 pm
Paddy O’Goaliepulling Koolaid Moynahan.
Maroney will be the godfather, obvi.
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:51 pm
Ropecock Lasso Brady
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:51 pm
Randy Moss Brady
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:52 pm
Ropecock P. Shrapnel Brady
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:52 pm
Big Bossy Barbaro Brady
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:53 pm
Most likely to be Gay Brady
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:54 pm
Max Power
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:56 pm
Fuck. I’m torn between Asante See Even My Fucking Kid Is A Better Corner Than You and I Can Has Repeat Superbowl Peyton.
Can you come back to me?
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:56 pm
name it after one of mom’s hit movies:
I, Brady Moynahan
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:57 pm
Peter K. “The Sports Baby” Brady.
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:57 pm
James Dungy Moynahan.
/ducks
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:57 pm
as per WWTDD, “you might as well have gotten John Wayne to have a baby with the Statue of Liberty.”
John Wayne Liberty Moynahan.
August 23rd, 2007 at 1:01 pm
F. Tom Brady
August 23rd, 2007 at 1:02 pm
Vigo Zuul Brady-Moynahan, because I’m guessing there were some crossed streams in mommy’s honey pot at the time of conception.
August 23rd, 2007 at 1:02 pm
Victoriassecretsucks Moynahan
August 23rd, 2007 at 1:03 pm
Shoodabin Aborted Brady
August 23rd, 2007 at 1:04 pm
like I said on withleather…
“Steve Smith”
August 23rd, 2007 at 1:05 pm
Leonidas Moynahan
August 23rd, 2007 at 1:07 pm
My name is Inigo Montoya Moynahan. You knocked up my mother. Prepare to die.
August 23rd, 2007 at 1:09 pm
A Baa Boded Morning Myth Try
Had to use their names to form a new name. Not sure what it means, but who cares, the kid needs a name!!!!! It can’t be called ‘it’. ‘hey you’ ‘oh shit, she said she was on the pill’ - or maybe they can??
ok, lot of picks, but I am in a meeting for the rest of the day, thus tossing them all in now.
August 23rd, 2007 at 1:10 pm
Ropecock Begone Brady
August 23rd, 2007 at 1:12 pm
Powerbottom Brady
August 23rd, 2007 at 1:14 pm
Joey Joe Joe Junior Shababrady
August 23rd, 2007 at 1:14 pm
Woody Hayes Moynahan
August 23rd, 2007 at 1:19 pm
Now that I think about it, “It” is sounding more and more appealing by the minute. That’s my pick, It Brady.
August 23rd, 2007 at 1:20 pm
I already named this kid SUPER FUCKIN’ BRADY in the last post, but I’ll take a stab at another one.
FROZEN ROPE BRADY
‘fro for short.
August 23rd, 2007 at 1:21 pm
bob seger
August 23rd, 2007 at 1:24 pm
Thanks for not making us look at the birth pic anymore.
August 23rd, 2007 at 1:27 pm
Weak Stream Brady.
August 23rd, 2007 at 1:28 pm
Mavulous Mavrick Tom Brady. Oh wait, that name is taken.
http://www2.ljworld.com/photos/2007/jun/03/125378/
August 23rd, 2007 at 1:28 pm
AtLeastImNotaLeinart Moynahan.
August 23rd, 2007 at 1:29 pm
Mitch Cummstein
August 23rd, 2007 at 1:30 pm
John Jacob Jingleheimer Brady. His name is my name too.
August 23rd, 2007 at 1:30 pm
My Dad is a DOUCHE Brady
August 23rd, 2007 at 1:42 pm
Greg?
August 23rd, 2007 at 1:42 pm
Peter King Brady
August 23rd, 2007 at 1:43 pm
Protection Failed Brady
August 23rd, 2007 at 1:45 pm
Michael Thomas Brady…
… if she wants to get back at him Mike Brady-style
August 23rd, 2007 at 1:47 pm
Shoulda Pulled Out Brady
August 23rd, 2007 at 1:48 pm
The Son Of The Man Who Won All Those Super Bowls Because He Had A Great Defense Not Because He Was Such A Good QB-Hell He Couldnt Even Stop His Sperm From Being Intercepted By the Egg Brady
August 23rd, 2007 at 1:48 pm
Nathan Allan Reed-Brady
August 23rd, 2007 at 1:52 pm
Damn work! I wanted in on this one… oh well.
Ann Arbor Brady.
F it… he’ll be able to whoop your ass like the boy named Sue AND, in 2024, he’ll be starting at QB for Michigan as a freshman.
August 23rd, 2007 at 1:56 pm
Andrew William Ruemenapp-Brady
August 23rd, 2007 at 1:57 pm
Sunshine 3-rings Brady-Moynahan
August 23rd, 2007 at 2:00 pm
Tucker
August 23rd, 2007 at 2:02 pm
“Gisele is a syphilitic whore Brady.”
Or “7″.
August 23rd, 2007 at 2:02 pm
Setforlife Brady-Moynihan.
August 23rd, 2007 at 2:04 pm
Seven
August 23rd, 2007 at 2:06 pm
KOLBER NAMATH BRADY
Kol for short
August 23rd, 2007 at 2:07 pm
Giselewhore Moynahan
August 23rd, 2007 at 2:07 pm
I had it first, Motumbo!
Fine, Tom Brady Jr.
August 23rd, 2007 at 2:07 pm
@ Josh
+ 1
“Simmons’ Daughter’s Future Date Rapist Moynahan” cracked my shit up.
August 23rd, 2007 at 2:09 pm
I’m having sex with the cousin! SEVEN!!!!
August 23rd, 2007 at 2:09 pm
@awful chief: Tucker Rule Brady, I take it?
William Lloyd Moynahan-Brady.
They’ll get trendy or something and call the kid “Liam.”
August 23rd, 2007 at 2:11 pm
Lloyd Braun Brady
August 23rd, 2007 at 2:12 pm
“A lifetime of Oedipal issues and psychotherapy” Moynahan?
(Nickname: I wanna do my mommy and my stepmommy).
August 23rd, 2007 at 2:13 pm
TVDaddyLovesMe Moynihan
August 23rd, 2007 at 2:15 pm
Ted Brogan Brady
August 23rd, 2007 at 2:21 pm
@signal to noise:
exactly. Great opportunity for him to yell “Tucker Rules!” excessively in high school, pissing everyone off.
August 23rd, 2007 at 2:21 pm
Genetic Lotterywinner Moyni-Brady
August 23rd, 2007 at 2:22 pm
Bastard
August 23rd, 2007 at 2:24 pm
Steely McDreamboat
August 23rd, 2007 at 2:27 pm
Tom “Momma said she was on the pill” Brady, Jr.
August 23rd, 2007 at 2:34 pm
Drew Hensoncansuckamydick Brady
August 23rd, 2007 at 2:34 pm
Sam Alexis Brady
August 23rd, 2007 at 2:35 pm
Steely McBeam Brady
August 23rd, 2007 at 2:36 pm
Some of your guesses are so uninspired. I believe that Mrs. Bridgette will go with Seven Bort Brady.
August 23rd, 2007 at 2:36 pm
Stitchface
August 23rd, 2007 at 2:43 pm
Barry Barclay Brady
August 23rd, 2007 at 2:45 pm
Nice call Ape.
August 23rd, 2007 at 2:45 pm
Koolaid Chowder Brady
August 23rd, 2007 at 2:49 pm
Bo Schembechler Brady
His nickname will be RIP.
August 23rd, 2007 at 2:50 pm
Stinky Weaselteeth Moynahan
August 23rd, 2007 at 2:50 pm
@ christmas ape - stellar performance, sir.
I’m going with:
ROETHLISHBERGER SUCKS BRADY
Maybe Roth or ‘Berg for short…
August 23rd, 2007 at 2:56 pm
@justin
It’s Chowdah Brady! Frenchie! Now come back here, I’m not through demeaning you.
August 23rd, 2007 at 2:59 pm
I Wanna DO My Stepmom Moynaham
If not Giselle the future mrs. brady will be in that range.
August 23rd, 2007 at 3:13 pm
Favre Brady.
NFL commenters couldn’t even say that name without busting a nut.
August 23rd, 2007 at 3:17 pm
Oliver
The dopey looking kid none of the other Brady’s wanted who soon sunk into the abyss of total TV F’ups never to be seen again.
wv - tobchily (Oliver’s middle name)
and I left my meeting because I said I am on a mission to name this kid.
August 23rd, 2007 at 3:20 pm
In other news, on a completly unrelated topic, my friend Bom Tredy wants to know how do you make a death look like SIDS?
August 23rd, 2007 at 3:21 pm
Marsh
August 23rd, 2007 at 3:28 pm
Dis Respect Brady-Moynahan
August 23rd, 2007 at 3:29 pm
…it is at this moment that I realize that we’ve all be duped. They got to kill a whole day with 1.5 posts. We got played.
August 23rd, 2007 at 3:29 pm
Parting Gift Moynahan
Can be shortened so the kid is known as PG.
August 23rd, 2007 at 3:31 pm
Adam Vinatieri Brady - give a little credit to the man who won Tom Terrific’s Super Bowls for him.
August 23rd, 2007 at 3:36 pm
I call the big one “Bitey.”
August 23rd, 2007 at 3:38 pm
Hercules Rockefeller Brady
August 23rd, 2007 at 3:40 pm
urhines kendall icy eight special k moynahan
http://www.newbabynews.net/hospitals/stf33/public/stf33birthannouncement.pl?babyID=h33-440
August 23rd, 2007 at 3:43 pm
Wash U. S. Brady
August 23rd, 2007 at 3:44 pm
DEF CONSTRUDA BRADY
This works so great because in addition to having the whole awesome middle name, his nickname will totally be DEF-CON.
I can’t wait to have kids. Speaking of naming kids, does anybody want to look up the Louis CK bit about naming his kids and link it?
August 23rd, 2007 at 3:47 pm
Milhouse Brady.
The poor kid’s going to grow up to be repressed, gay and a repressed gay.
August 23rd, 2007 at 4:06 pm
@Jay
Well that’s why Milhouse takes Represitol.
August 23rd, 2007 at 4:16 pm
Felch
August 23rd, 2007 at 4:26 pm
+1 to Bryan for a strong late entry.
My next entry- Thor Moynahan, cause he will bring the fucking thunder, bitches.
August 23rd, 2007 at 4:29 pm
Cumslinger Xpress Brady
August 23rd, 2007 at 4:38 pm
“Son, I named you Drew because — YOU’LL NEVER BE AS GOOD AS YOUR DADDY.
“Gotta run — me and Gisele are heading back to my place; that Vietnamese spin-fuck chair isn’t going to use itself.
“Oh, and tell Mommy I left her check in the kitchen. And, uh, ‘hello’ too, I guess.”
August 23rd, 2007 at 4:44 pm
+1 Chamomiles, +1
August 23rd, 2007 at 4:51 pm
He was big and bent and gray and old
And I looked at him and my blood ran cold
And I said: “My name is ‘Sue!’ How do you do! Now your gonna die!!”
August 23rd, 2007 at 4:54 pm
moon unit brady
August 23rd, 2007 at 5:02 pm
Abs McLovin Moynahan
August 23rd, 2007 at 5:10 pm
Pootie Tang Brady
August 23rd, 2007 at 5:30 pm
Overrated Fag Brady Jr.
Yes, I am childish.
August 23rd, 2007 at 5:36 pm
Randall William Belichick Brady Moynahan III
August 23rd, 2007 at 5:41 pm
Lawyer Le Kevin Donte’ Moynahan
August 23rd, 2007 at 5:54 pm
Derek Lachey Moynahan
August 23rd, 2007 at 6:34 pm
fuck lion brady
August 23rd, 2007 at 6:43 pm
President Dwayne Hector Mountain Dew Elizondo Camacho Brady-Moynahan. Of course.
August 23rd, 2007 at 7:04 pm
Marty DiBrady if he’s got any sense.
August 23rd, 2007 at 8:22 pm
Plaxico D’Brickashaw Laveranues Moynahan.
August 23rd, 2007 at 8:51 pm
Accidental Brady
August 23rd, 2007 at 10:13 pm
Oedipus Rex Grossman Brady.
August 23rd, 2007 at 10:21 pm
Marcia Brady
August 23rd, 2007 at 10:36 pm
Because Brady is, if nothing else, an avid blog commenter…
First PWN3D!!!1! Fixed Brady
(or +1 for short.)
August 23rd, 2007 at 10:44 pm
Oh, and I know I’m doing this out of turn, and I do apologize, but I want to add another one right now….
I-am-a-loser-who-nobody-likes-with-a-picture-of-a-gay-quarterback-in-my-avatar Brady.
Yes, catchy, I know.
August 24th, 2007 at 12:35 am
“Douche McCalister”
August 24th, 2007 at 5:57 am
lets make fetus fajitas outa this baby!
name the kid Bacon Brady…maybe then i might like the tom brady…..not really
August 25th, 2007 at 3:26 pm
Harry Potter Brady
August 25th, 2007 at 3:41 pm
the anti-christ
August 25th, 2007 at 7:57 pm
Koolaid Construda McBrady
August 26th, 2007 at 12:32 pm
Brady Brady Brady