Donovan McNabb’s unfortunate file photo

An arbitrary number of fast facts on the Philadelphia Eagles…

  • Donovan McNabb was super pissed when he opened the media guide and saw that Kevin Kolb’s middle name is Kyle.
  • Not to be outdone, Andy Reid’s kids have begun staging Persian cat fights in their drained jacuzzi.
  • Jevon Kearse and Correll Buckhalter share a single pair of knees.
  • Jeremiah Trotter says he’s just 30 years-old but dendrochronologists insist that he’s at least 52.
  • Sean Considine looks like he’d enjoy a ham sandwich on Wonder Bread slathered in Miracle Whip washed down with a tall glass of milk.
  • Chunky Soup is made out of the McNabb family’s collective excreta.
  • Philly’s backup tight ends form the city’s nineteenth most popular barbershop quartet–George Harrison’s ghost finds them derivative.
  • Chris Berman has spent several sleepless nights debating the pros and cons of various nicknames for Chris Gocong–each is more insufferable than the last.
  • Max Jean-Gilles is pregnant with triplets.
  • Jean-Gilles tried to eat Uga VI on two non-consecutive occasions–poor guy’s still scared to leave his house.
  • Dedrick Roper refuses to answer all questions relating to Three’s Company.

And now–because I’ve run out of shit to talk about–here’s a video of rather raucous tailgate featuring every Eagle fan you’ve ever met. It should keep hold your attention for precisely 64 seconds (much like the rest of this post!).

Don’t worry folks, the season’s almost here.

P.S. Fuck Da Eagles