Five Fast Facts About the Raiders:

-JaMarcus Russell’s mother is insisting that if he’s gonna stay at her house during his contract dispute, he better change outta that one all-black suit he’s been wearing since April.

-It was speculated that Lane Kiffin, who at 32 is the league’s youngest coach, released center and long-snapper Adam Treu because Kiffin doesn’t want anyone on the roster to be close to his age or older. Owner Al Davis decided this was sound policy, fired no one ever again.

-Dominic Rhodes is only now beginning to realize why Edgerrin James kept sending him repeated “nnnooooo don’t tk bg monee from shitty tms w/ no linez” texts during the off-season.

-The Raiders are still the only AFC team this decade to lose a Super Bowl. In other news, the Raiders went to a Super Bowl this decade? Really? No foolin’?

-Despite fielding a team with Warren Sapp and JaMarcus Russell, it’s Mike Williams’ weight problem that is troubling the Raiders.

Projected 2007 Record:
5-11

Actual 2007 Record:
0-13-3 (Defense pitches three shutouts. Offense doesn’t score all season.)

Since going to that aforementioned Super Bowl in the 2002 season, the Raiders are 15-49 during their last four seasons, representing the worst stretch in franchise history. And there is little indication that things are on the upswing. Sure, the defense is stout, but not good enough to win games on its own.

Their head coach is younger than two of our writers and about a half dozen of his own players. They possess no proven reliable receivers and the running back they signed in the offseason is probably their best blocker.

And they’re in Oakland.

Of course, this is the part where I segue to some auspicious moment heralding the coming uplift. A breaking of the clouds that lights the way to a new day, where wins pile high and Daunte Culpepper is nowhere to be found. And the thing to usher in that new day is…

…

…

is…

…

well, Michael Bush could be okay.