Some fun with Peter King on a Monday afternoon. Today, King made the following comment about HBO’s “Hard Knocks” show:
“My one quibble with these shows: They’re so fast-paced and move from one drama to the next and one scene to the next, that you don’t really
get the feel of what camp is truly like. Very often, camp is boring,
tedious and full of drills you can’t watch for very long or you’ll go
crazy. If the show is to be the real story of training camp, it must
point out — not just in flashes but in minutes — what really happens
at camp, which is often extraordinarily humdrum.”
Agreed. I, too, would find the show far more fascinating if it were more boring. Now you now why King’s MMQB column is 56,000 words long. We at KSK found King’s logic irresistible. From it, we drew the following conclusions:
-King doesn’t understand why the WSOP doesn’t show the hands where everybody folds
-King watched Major League last night, and wished they’d show how well Willie Mays Hayes worked the count
-King doesn’t understand why he can’t watch every single American Idol audition
-He’s disappointed Shark Week has so much killing when, in fact, most of the time sharks are just swimming around
-He’s a huge fan of Kevin Costner films
-He will only attend a wedding if it is Greek Orthodox
-He wishes he could read ALL the mail Bill Simmons gets in his mailbag
-King wishes pornography had more foreplay. Women just don’t get automatically wet, you know
-King wants to know why his Lawrence of Arabia Director’s Cut DVD skimped on the deleted scenes
-King wishes “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” consisted of one uninterrputed take
-King thinks “To Catch a Predator” doesn’t depict chat rooms accurately, should show footage of benign exchanges
-King wishes that the producers of The Office would shift the focus from the employees to the hard facts about paper sales
-King wishes Tony Romo would cuddle more
-When Peter King bought tickets to “28 Days Later” he was was stunned and disappointed to learn he didn’t have to wait four weeks to see the movie
-King wishes Yes had produced more B-side compilations
Clearly, this is why King enjoys going to Starbucks so much. Yours in the comments.
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/global/images/default-avatar.jpg){kind=avatar}
![[image]](http://cdn.ksk.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/02/RV-AF862_BEBE_G_20120203002501-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.ksk.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/02/pkcortez-150x150.png)
King hold the opinion that the Star Wars series would have been much more entertaining if it was comprised entirely of Yoda in his hut, cooking stew and sleeping.
King wishes ‘Big Trouble In Little China’ focused more on the subtle rift between western and eastern cultures and less on Wang Chi’s airial swordfighting…
OMG! I just heard PK’s voice for the 1st time on a Jim Rome podcast, I’m about as blown away as when I heard Bill Simmons for the 1st time. Terrible!
King thought The English Patient was too brief, and shouldn’t have been told in Flashbacks, but in chronological order instead. Flashbacks are confusing.
King wishes that Joe Morgan would tell more minor league antecdotes
King wishes that they showed the production assistants setting up the survival scenarios in Man vs Wild and the cleanup afterward. Remember, carry in, carry out…
PK thinks that it’s a tragedy that the British have chosen to follow such fast paced sports as cricket. All the nonstop action makes his head spin.
also, +2 holly.
Man, Joe Piscopo really let himself go.
You think greek weddings are bad, try regular church service. It’s just as bad, but consistently.
Peter King wishes that every Sopranos episode was just one long fade to black.
Good, Drew’s back this page is funny again.
Peter King is dying to see the 24 episode where Jack Bauer goes through the drive thru at McDonalds then takes a dump.
Enjoys reading the book instead of watching the movie.
King also really enjoys:
* Renewing his license at the DMV
* Waiting behind people at the supermarket checkout who have 50 coupons, yap on their cell phone and pay with a check
* Sitting in rush hour traffic
* The 15 minutes of commercials and trailers the theaters show before every movie
* Waiting for movie files to load on his computer, especially the ones where half the elapsed time is a commercial that you have to watch first before the shit you actually wanted to see starts playing
* The singing of the national anthem at sporting events, especially if the singer tries to modernize it with rap, scatting or Christina Aguilera-type vocalizing of every other note
Peter King wants a 600 minute egg.
Peter King is happy that the Jews were in the Desert for 40 years instead of 40 days before finding “the promised land”
king thinks you get a better experience playing Dance Dance Revolution with a controller than the dance pad.
Peter King calls Dell customer service even when his computer isn’t broken. He just loves him some hold music.
Also, I stood up in a Greek wedding 2 weeks ago. Brutal.
hopefully this hasn’t been used yet
King wishes KSK commenter John S would post more often because he finds his thoughts to be intriguing and wished he would contribute more
king would prefer is DragonForce were to express the sweeping majesty of thier fantasy epic lyrics by slowing it down just for one god damn minute.
Peter King wishes smut novels included fewer sex scenes, and more scenes of lonely men jacking off in hotel rooms. After all, that’s closer to reality. His reality, anyway.
King has read War and Peace, the Bourne novels, all of the Dune series, and all of the support books of LOTR at least once every year for the past 30 years.
And considers it as light reading.
“NORM!”
CD, I was just coming here to post that myself.
Well played, you magnificent bastard.
The bane of Peter King’s existence is the abridged dictionary. He also wishes for a historical origin for every word.
king is all for indulging in the occasional potty humor, but has no idea what was up with that south park where the aliens were going to hekma bars and sucking off each other jagons. i mean shit, what was that about.
While taking Calc I, PK often demanded that the professor give a less ‘hand-wavy’ proof of the theorem being introduced.
“NORM!”
PK’S Journal Entry 2722 –
Instead of shows like the Shield and the Wire which are so fast paced I think they need to slow it down a bit. How about a hour of showing us what it really takes to get a search warrant. All the paper work, petition to the judge, more paper work, etc. PK your a genius… chokes on a pork rhine.
BDD – did you see Mr. Brooks? One of the better movies I have seen this yr.
king wants to know why its taking so long for those MTV Jackass guys to just make out already.
King wishes that the women in pornographic moving pictures would be a little more demure and not be so eager to have relations with men that don’t really love them. Seriously, they should have more respect for themselves.
King shakes head in disgust with the general lack of attention to runners on first base by pitchers these days.
king wants to know why it has to be connect 4. why not connect 5 or 6?
Peter King wishes he could remember the all the time he spends sleeping when he’s not dreaming.
King Wishes Unicorn Planet showed more Cadillac getting hemmed up by Shannon.
Peter King wishes The Wire contained more full length mayoral briefings on subjects such as traffic lights and extending bus lines.
What about pants? Don’t you hate pants?
and the award for most obscure reference goes to….
King is starting to think this whole YouTube thing might take off one day.
@holly +1
Holy shit, that’s way out of left field!!!
Peter King regrets that the makers of Koyaanisqatsi succumbed so easily to the hyper-paced, jump-cut-happy fever infecting modern American cinema.
King wishes his daughter wouldnt gets so made when he tells her he loves you on her facebook wall.
King wishes he had more time to think over his answers..er questions…fucking responses, that’s it!!…during celebrity Jeopardy
Peter King wishes his weekly game of POG hadn’t been cancelled
King wishes that the means never justified the ends.
King wishes that they televised the practice rounds of golf championships on the weekends when he could watch it and just forget about the actual tournament.
King wishes the Bible focused less on Jesus, the son of God, and more on the special power of conjuring fish and wine out of thin air
Wishes that Woody Allen would be a little bit more knebbish.
Wishes Planet of the Apes had fully developed the customs of the ape civilization and shown them in great detail, rather than focusing on the relatively meaningless life of one human.
King is worried local cable access channels are losing their ‘edge’
Peter King wishes NoIS didn’t edit Scoop Jackson’s responses.
King wishes Dr. Z would focus more on thanking his readers and making stupid inane jokes invoving his wife than talking actual football. Plus, King thinks that Dr. Z is too fresh and hip.
Peter King wishes that the historical documentary called “300″ focused more on the gentlemen sitting down to write the histories, less on the fighting
but did anyone else watch hard knocks? brody croyle’s girlfriend is insanely hot
PK is peeved because Bob Villa always says “measure twice, cut once” but they don’t actually show him measuring twice.
Peter King wishes that Sunday mornings during football season were filled with more of same “heartfelt storys” about player X and his mother’s battle with uterine centipedes that Superbowl Sunday has.
king wants to know how the documentary Super Size Me could get it so horribly wrong.
(buiilding off of earlier posts)
Peter King wishes pron would acutally show how the pizza was made before it is delivered to the sorority house.
King wishes “Trading Spaces” spent more time focusing on the paint drying.
King wishes that pornos could show the guys getting “fluffed” before the scene actually started. After all porn just isn’t about the sucking and fucking.
King would like to knoe what a yakoff smirnoff joke sounds like written from a soviet perspective. In democratic america… What would go next?
Wishes every comment on KSK focused on the verification word.
King would like to here more emo records for all the middle school kids that weren’t currently expiriencing angst.
wishes that hayden christainsen could be in every movie.
King wishes that his wife had taken the time to learn spanish before fucking the pool boy.
BDD – Glad to see someone got that one so quickly. I saw that movie on a first date and laughed so hard I didn’t bother to try and get a second date because I made such a fool of myself.
King wants to know why it takes so long for the Harry Potter books to come out in paperback. Come on Ms Rowlings, that is just blatent disregard for us muggles.
King feels Cops should show more sitting around in patrol cars.
King wishes that Journey albums included all the takes.
(it was a stretch, I know)
john s., why don’t we all just enjoy some Chewlies gum then?
king wants to know why only the gays get to wear all the fun clothes.
King wishes that the glory hole at his local New Jersey rest stop had a place nearby that he could take the guy that he just sucked off out for a coffee.
Wishes Peter Jackson’s “King Kong” had more Naomi Watts-Ape googly eyes and less dinosaur wrestling
CC –
You know… there was another group of people who thought that it was just fine to tell people what to do and what to think. Thats right… they were the Nazis.
Peter King thought the The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich needed a yard-by-yard description of the construction of the autobahn.
Wants to see the hole in the Muppet’s ass where you stick your hand in.
King prefers to interpret lines of falling green code on a computer screen instead of going into the Matrix