We’ll Be Doing A Little Chillaxin’ This Week PLUS: KSK FF Contest Winner
Just as you are, we’re gearing up for the holiday that celebrates challenging authority, blowing shit up, and casually neglecting the rights of women. Independence Day is Wednesday, which totally fucks our week, blah blah blah we’re gonna be lazy assholes.
We’re not posting tomorrow, and we’ll be fortunate to get one post up for Thursday and Friday. We don’t like it either, but this is how it’s going down. Some of us will be out-of-town, or even out-of-country, and you’ll have to split time with the people that put up with our shit in real life. When the withdrawal starts to set in, just remember that training camps will open less than three weeks after we come back, and to use lotion. Or sunscreen. Anything with lubricative properties is good.
And, oh yeah, the contest to pick the owner of KSK’s 14th fantasy team ended Saturday. We received over 11,000 submissions, give or take. The quality of your work was high, and the debate over who deserved to win was (sort of) intense. In the end, it came down to who we thought would make the best addition to our league. By the end of the contest, we had it narrowed down to four people, and the final decision was not unanimous.
We’ll be sharing our favorite submissions with you over the next couple weeks, and you can see what kind of badassery your submission was up against. Plus it helps us keep being lazy. That’s a win-win.
The 14th member of the KSK Fantasy Football League is Sarah, better known as commenter/troublemaker SportsGirl365 from the blog Strike Zones and End Zones. In the end, we liked her style, football knowledge, and her ability to deliver (and receive) trash talk.
Please give Sarah your warmest welcome in the comments.
UPDATE: Sarah’s submission appears below. I think she’s gonna fit right in:
Tags: announcements, fantasy football, laziness, now we'll find out what kind of cum dumpster sportsgirl, when you're a lemur you do whatever the fuck you want
July 3rd, 2007 at 9:38 am
OK, let’s get this out of the way…how big are her tits and how nice are the nipples?
July 3rd, 2007 at 9:39 am
I for one welcome our new sexy overlords
July 3rd, 2007 at 9:41 am
she clearly showed snatch in the picture cause i assume there were a few topless submissions. if so, i guess she deserves it, filthy skank
July 3rd, 2007 at 9:41 am
Now iron my shirt!
July 3rd, 2007 at 9:41 am
Kudos to Sarah, but I have to admit I’m a bit confused. How does her inclsuion jibe with the 4th of July’s celebration of neglecting the rights of women?
July 3rd, 2007 at 9:42 am
Some of us will be out-of-town, or even out-of-country
Real Americans leave the country on Indepedence Day.
July 3rd, 2007 at 9:43 am
congrats from one of the worst commenters here at KSK. very nice blog and extra points for being a yankee fan. btw, sportsgirl365/sarah i think clemens grew some balls last night (see your june 22 post).
July 3rd, 2007 at 9:45 am
@my hero zero: That’s such a good point that it disgusts me.
July 3rd, 2007 at 9:51 am
Congratulations Sarah with an H.
July 3rd, 2007 at 9:53 am
I’d like to thank all of you for sending in shitty submissions. Without you, I would not be here.
July 3rd, 2007 at 9:59 am
Diversity is a fucking bitch. Congrats, sportsgirl365, and best of luck with emasculating the other owners.
July 3rd, 2007 at 10:00 am
I failed to turn in a submission because (1) i’m in a minimum 3 leagues already (2) i’m not that creative and (3) UM is already in the league so you dont want too many white guys who think they’re black in the league
July 3rd, 2007 at 10:00 am
Insert 3/5 compromise joke here.
July 3rd, 2007 at 10:01 am
Figures you’d pick a girl because you like the way she “gives” AND “receives.”
Gaylords.
July 3rd, 2007 at 10:05 am
Can I blame this on Title IX, too?
July 3rd, 2007 at 10:06 am
can’t argue with that finally crafted submission. hopefully sarah’s period won’t get in the way of her updating her roster.
July 3rd, 2007 at 10:14 am
What a cum dumpster.
July 3rd, 2007 at 10:17 am
I like the way she classily refused to send in a picture of her tits, and then sent in a picture of her pretending to suck off a bottle. A picture that also shows her tits.
Well played, barfly. Well played.
July 3rd, 2007 at 10:17 am
Suckers. You should’ve held out for the naked.
July 3rd, 2007 at 10:17 am
Any woman who groups herself into the heading of “some pussy” deserves a spot not only in the league, but probably on Capitol Hill as well.
Also, wasn’t “Sarah” a shitty Jefferson Starship song? That’s got to count for something.
July 3rd, 2007 at 10:18 am
She won’t make trades “just because [she] is female” but instead allow the fact that she’s a giants/yankees fan play into the equation as well
July 3rd, 2007 at 10:19 am
But will she be with the repeated use of the word cunt, as in “that cunt stole my sleeper pick” or “man that cunt is kicking all our asses”?
July 3rd, 2007 at 10:19 am
based on the picture, I can’t resist –
“do you spit or swallow?”
(”uhh… whatever you like”)
“I would definitely marry you!”
and… Sarah has to name her team “2 cent cum dumpsters” now, right?
July 3rd, 2007 at 10:19 am
Susan B. Anthony would be so proud of how far women have come.
July 3rd, 2007 at 10:22 am
@Devang: I encourage all forms of shit talk
@grungedave: Seriously considering it (both issues)
July 3rd, 2007 at 10:22 am
Ummm . . . aren’t there a few things omitted from the list, like:
“Things I WILL NOT do:
7. Make a trade, because I am girl in a fantasy league and too scared that I will be taken advantage of(or possibly the inverse of this, in which I make a ridiculous trade that nobody else would make, just to show I have balls).
8. Start the best possible lineup, because I have no idea what that is unless I look at ESPN for nine hours.
9. Actually win the league.
Things I WILL do:
6. Talk trash from the outset, like evey girl in a fantasy football league everywhere.
7. Become complete silent by Week 6, when my fantasy team is in the tank.
8. Draft Tom Brady two rounds too high.
9. Run every roster move I want to make by my boyfriend, even though he hasn’t made the playoffs in his league since 1998.
10. Send in a picture of myself in which I ACTUALLY look like a cum dumpster.
Sincerely,
Sarah
Strike Zones and End Zones”
But seriously, congratulations!
July 3rd, 2007 at 10:25 am
is that a Giants pendant she’s wearing in the picture?
If so, than that’s the hottest picture I’ve ever seen.
July 3rd, 2007 at 10:28 am
@throwbot: That it is.
July 3rd, 2007 at 10:31 am
So how long is it going to take you guys to get out 11,000+ personalized “thank you” emails?
Or is that a job for the newbie?
July 3rd, 2007 at 10:31 am
is there a yankee pendant or other piece of jewelry located somewhere else ?
July 3rd, 2007 at 10:35 am
@beaverfever: Quite possibly…
July 3rd, 2007 at 10:35 am
I know you guys wont be doing much posting the rest of this week, but on behalf of the group can you try to pull together a commenter draft for friday. personally, its the best hangover cure and probably the only way i am able to get through my fridays
July 3rd, 2007 at 10:38 am
@the kid:
another good hangover cure is to take Friday off and sleep in.
July 3rd, 2007 at 10:43 am
I like a woman who’s a Giants fan.
The Giants’ bland, predictable style and general history of uninspring mediocrity, marked by very few high and low points and instead a string of merely “decent” seasons, prepares them well for dating me.
July 3rd, 2007 at 10:43 am
Those fries look like severed fingers…
July 3rd, 2007 at 10:43 am
This is utter BULLSHIT. This person gets the spot over me??
What’s that? She has a vagina?? She also has breasts?? AND a pierced tongue???
Say no more.
July 3rd, 2007 at 10:44 am
@sportsgirl365 – you mention nothing about ‘not’ compromising your integrity – based on that, you will fit in just fine. Congratulations and watch your back.
July 3rd, 2007 at 10:44 am
so, hey, where are the naked tits pics of “other” girls Sarah promised?
Some of us will actually be at work the next 4 days (stupid law degree!)… and we need the, um, distraction!
July 3rd, 2007 at 10:45 am
Oh, to be that bottle, I think I’m in lo…..wait, are those fries on that plate?? mmmmmmm, fries.
July 3rd, 2007 at 10:48 am
@Awful Chief
Can’t take days off, gotta pay for those construda binges
July 3rd, 2007 at 10:50 am
@throwbot:
if uninspired sex with a Giants fan is what you’re looking for, I should have my ex-girlfriend get in touch with you.
July 3rd, 2007 at 10:50 am
I didnt send in a submission because Im neither clever nor interesting (and Ive never been in a fantasy league of any kind). But I used to live next door to Tony Siragusa and he had a dozen plastic geese lining the front yard and landscaping. Is that good?
July 3rd, 2007 at 10:52 am
I bet SportsGirl gives great bottle.
July 3rd, 2007 at 11:00 am
@Peter McSheisty
You used to live next to Siragusa in Jersey?
I went to the same HS or the Siragusa brothers
July 3rd, 2007 at 11:11 am
Throwbot, if the Giants pendant turns you on, you should immediately head for the exotic confines of the Paramus mall right away. There are probably only 40-50 Jersey mallrats styling those on any given day.
If you want someone a little more traditionally feminine, I think Eli wears one too.
July 3rd, 2007 at 11:12 am
I went to the same HS or the Siragusa brothers
Probably hard to tell the difference between a high school building and two Siragusas.
July 3rd, 2007 at 11:16 am
@otto man
+1
Gimme a break.
I’m still drunk from my vacation and back at work.
July 3rd, 2007 at 11:23 am
I just want her fries if she’s not going to eat them.
And yes, Friday will have the standard draft/cheerleader twin bill.
Also, team previews start next week.
July 3rd, 2007 at 11:26 am
will the Texans still be included in the previews this year?
July 3rd, 2007 at 11:28 am
@grungedave “and… Sarah has to name her team “2 cent cum dumpsters” now, right?”
i would propose the “69 cent cum dumpsters” as her team name.
July 3rd, 2007 at 11:30 am
devang, In Indy, when he played for the Colts.
July 3rd, 2007 at 11:33 am
Also, team previews start next week.
Hopefully the fever blisters have cleared up so you have a better chance of getting to 1st base this year.
July 3rd, 2007 at 11:34 am
Hmmm, a Giants pendant and a pierced tongue? Sounds like Sarah will be ringing in the Fourth at Jenk’s in Point Pleasant, or perhaps having her “KSK picked ME” celebration at Hunkabunkas in Sayreville. Smirnoff Ice all ’round!
July 3rd, 2007 at 11:39 am
so to be in the fantasy league all i had to do was lop my wang off? man, if only i hadn’t done it on a dare three weeks ago. but a case of zima and my dignity were on the line.
July 3rd, 2007 at 11:41 am
@honeynut
i’m thinking seaside heights with the pierced tongue and giants pendant.
damn, now i want a sub from jersey mike’s.
July 3rd, 2007 at 11:41 am
Zima? Smirnoff Ice? Dammit – the germans were right about us. No wonder the U.S. isn’t represented at Beerfest
July 3rd, 2007 at 11:44 am
If I’d known what the judges were looking for, I would’ve sent in a photo of my own.
July 3rd, 2007 at 11:51 am
@beaverfever
You’ll have to battle the greased up guidos at sleazedside heights to even talk to a halfway decent chick.
Tastee sub >> Jersey Mike’s
July 3rd, 2007 at 11:52 am
I am drowning my sorrows in a massive, Scarface-style pile of construda. Alas.
July 3rd, 2007 at 11:54 am
mmmmmmm jersey mikes….
July 3rd, 2007 at 11:55 am
@otto man
That guys looks like a black version of the retarded kid in something about mary
July 3rd, 2007 at 12:00 pm
glads to see a few people here jersey mike’s. time for lunch.
July 3rd, 2007 at 12:02 pm
Actually, I think my guy ate that kid too.
Speaking of Warren from “TSAM,” did you know that the same actor who played him went on to play the
roughneck Dan Dority on “Deadwood”? W. Earl Brown.
“Franks and beans, cocksucker! Franks and beans!”
July 3rd, 2007 at 12:08 pm
@Otto Man
Gold
July 3rd, 2007 at 12:10 pm
…..BONER!
July 3rd, 2007 at 12:11 pm
And there’s my new screensaver.
July 3rd, 2007 at 12:15 pm
Glad to see a Jersey girl (and Giants fan) get into the league… and bonus points if she’s capable of the “swirly move”….
@devang: not that there’s a shortage of awesome sandwich places in Jersey, but you ever been to Hoagie Haven in Princeton? de-fucking-licious… also, which Tastee’s are you talking about, the one on Rt 27 in New Brunswick, or the one behind the federal courthouse in Newark? Both are great, but if you’ve never been to the one in Newark, you don’t know what you’re missing out…
10th day in Hong Kong, 10th night working past midnight local time… this fucking B-LOWS… thankfully training camps will be open by the time I get home…
July 3rd, 2007 at 12:22 pm
Congrats, SportsGirl365.
Wait, that’s not the C word I wanted to use.
July 3rd, 2007 at 1:07 pm
God, and I had a whole different intriguing bottle shot planned, but ran out of time. Damn union contractors.
July 3rd, 2007 at 1:14 pm
@ the kid
Ditto
4. im lazy
July 3rd, 2007 at 1:46 pm
I think she should get to screw her choice of the KSK dickweeds.
July 3rd, 2007 at 1:48 pm
Yeah well, I’m gonna go start my own fantasy football league.
With blackjack!
And hookers!
July 3rd, 2007 at 1:53 pm
Off topic but, do beckys pictures keep getting hotter and hotter
July 3rd, 2007 at 1:56 pm
Is there an over/under on Sarah’s win total? I know I’m not the only degenerate gambler looking for some kind of football fix.
July 3rd, 2007 at 2:20 pm
Solid 7
July 3rd, 2007 at 2:24 pm
@big skinny
depends… do they play a 13 or 14 game season? Are we counting playoff games in the victory total?
and what’s with this site’s fascination with girls named “Sarah” (Spain, Shahi, and whatever SportsGirl’s last name is…)
July 3rd, 2007 at 2:30 pm
and what’s with this site’s fascination with girls named “Sarah”
I heard that Captain Caveman’s a big fan of the Hall & Oates crapterpiece “Sara Smile.”
July 3rd, 2007 at 2:37 pm
She’s a cutie patuti. With a tongue ring.
July 3rd, 2007 at 2:57 pm
This is probably a blessing in disguise; now I’ve got more than enough time to dedicate to Little Green Footballs’ Fantasy NASCAR league. Good game.
July 3rd, 2007 at 2:59 pm
I’m definitely in on any over/under pool.
I would say the number right now is tentatively at +/-5. Subject to change post-draft.
Maybe we can get Daulerio in on this.
(I think CC had his fill of girls named Sarah after he went down to Miami for Spain, and she picked someone else to win her contest.
Way to hold true to your principles, Ufford. I heard she didn’t pick you because you wouldn’t kiss her ass, only oggle her tits). Good man.
July 3rd, 2007 at 3:05 pm
Little Green Footballs’ Fantasy NASCAR league
That’s still on? I heard the league fell apart when they all denounced left turns as a sign of surrender to the gay Mexican Islamofascist hordes who want to steal our precious bodily fluids.
July 3rd, 2007 at 3:09 pm
It was a close call, but in the end they decided to stay the course and not kowtow to the swinish liberal Jew-run media. Also, the fundraiser to build a wall keep out the black Canadian F1 driver is still on, if you’re interested.
July 3rd, 2007 at 3:18 pm
I didn’t realize the High Command had authorized Operation: Great White North. I thought his mom was going to make him clean up the basement first.
To the ramparts!
July 3rd, 2007 at 3:44 pm
A little late here…but.. Becky, there’s still time to enter MY fantasy league. Send those pics asap!
July 3rd, 2007 at 3:54 pm
2 cents? I’d pay at least a quarter.
July 3rd, 2007 at 4:00 pm
“Excuse me, do you happen to have change of a dollar? All I’ve got are these damn Nepalese coins….”
July 3rd, 2007 at 5:41 pm
Nice tongue action.
And I’d also like to throw my support behind “2 Cent Cum Dumpsters” for the naming. Technically, it could apply to males or females, so it’s not really sexist.
RE Jersey Mike’s: they have them down here (DFW) too, if this is the same place mentioned by a few others. They’re fuckin’ awesome. So thanks, Jersey.
This almost makes up for Bon Jovi. Almost.
July 3rd, 2007 at 6:46 pm
Congrats sg365.
*ponders how to get pic of girl for any future submissions*
July 3rd, 2007 at 6:46 pm
From one Sarah to another, congratualtions. I hope you kick them them all in their collective ‘nads.
July 3rd, 2007 at 6:53 pm
Wow. Quite the list of people in the league that I got from her website.
No disrespect intended at all to sg365. Her post made me laugh. She certainly seems to have the stones to play with the boys.
But it seems like a bit of a blogoff. Everyone needing some sort of celebrity to make the cut.
July 3rd, 2007 at 7:25 pm
I wonder if sportsgirl365 is her aol screen name from 1996. If she used that in teen chat back in the day that is fucking awesome. 25/M/AL
July 3rd, 2007 at 7:30 pm
I don’t know guys, I just don’t trust something that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die.
July 3rd, 2007 at 7:36 pm
How much does it suck to have to kiss up to sweaty fantasy bitches?
The internet, exclusive since 2007.
July 5th, 2007 at 4:52 pm
Glad to see you’re a fan of Euge Groove. Or am I reading into the title a bit too much?
July 6th, 2007 at 8:15 am
Now seriously, was the personal dig necissary?
probably